It still 'hurts'.... Clouding my judgement?

[pink80]

I had an EMCS after 29 hours for failure to progress (even that phrase makes ME feel like a failure ), I had 2 'bags' of syntocin and still never got passed 5cm.

This labour followed a relatively normal pregnancy, after 2 MMC (one of which resulted in a haemorrhage, requiring an emergency DNC and blood transfusion).

I was in pain for weeks after my section and ended up with a scar infection, I didn't feel well until about 12 weeks PP.

Even after all this time, I still get upset thinking about my labour and it really hurts my heart. I know this is stupid and I should just be glad that my son arrived safely, but I just can't help it.

So now everyone keeps asking when I'm going to have another baby, but this experience has just made me feel like I can't go through it again. My husband wants another child and I always wanted 3 children, and I hate the thought of my son being an only child who wishes they had a sibling.

I just feel like I can't risk it, as I do not ever want to have another c section again and feel like even more of a failure.

I feel so lost and I'm terrified I'm making the wrong decision, I just don't know what to do...

Sorry for the ramble but does anyone else feel like this, I think everyone I know in real life thinks I'm joking when I say I can't do it again or I'm being ridiculous....

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way. Have you talked it through with your Dr, and what birth options there would be?
I imagine they may like to go go for a vbac next time or even an elective cs which would likely be less traumatic for you and an easier recovery. No 2 births are the same. You are most definitely not a failure- you got your baby here safe x

 

[Christie2011]

I can understand how scary another pregnancy/delivery would be for you. My sister had quite the scary c-section and my whole family told her she was not to get pregnant again. Come to find out (3 years later) she had actually had a placenta abruption, which is why she lost so much blood. Her doctor won't allow a VBAC, if she got pregnant again. She doesn't plan on it though.

I had a very by the book, non emergency c-section (to prevent an emergency situation, since my son wasn't handling labor well as it was). I talked with my doctors and both agreed that a VBAC was possible and neither foresaw any extra complication because of a previous c-section.

I think before you make a decision, you should have a frank discussion with your doctor, maybe two different doctors/practices, or at least a different doctor than the one who conducted the c-section, to get their opinions. Both of the doctors I asked were not from the same practice as the doctor who performed my c-section. I even asked about twins (I'm a ART patient) and my fertility doctor had no issues with twins even though I had a c-section.

Our bodies are quite resilient. I don't know your whole story, but I can understand both sides of wanting more children, yet being afraid of how your body might handle it. Good luck and I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make.