redlemonade
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I wasn't going to write a birth story but actually I think it might help me to heal a little. Therefore, be warned that this story might be unpleasant reading for some...
I had a relatively easy pregnancy and was considered low risk so we aimed to have an all natural home birth. I went into early labour at 40 + 8 and we were so excited. Laboured well all that night at home using only the TENS but by the following morning, labour had stalled. Labour started and stopped like that until, 30 hours in, our midwife said I needed to go to hospital and be induced. After 30 hours I was still only 1cm dilated!
By the time I got to the hospital, I had reached 2cm and the doctor was happy to let me progress on my own which was great. BUT again, labour stopped and started constantly. I got to 48 hours in, or thereabouts, when I was admitted to the labour ward but labour stalled once there again! I couldn't believe it!! It was so incredibly frustrating. The hospital were SO accommodating to my birth plan (no drugs, no interventions unless necessary) but eventually they suggested ARM which I allowed.
Unfortunately there was grade 2 meconium present in the waters and a horrible doctor came in and told me my baby could be stillborn (!!!!!) if we didn't do something about it, and insisted on starting the syntocinon drip. I had wanted badly to avoid this and my wonderful midwife advised I didn't have to consent to it but I was scared - who wouldn't be??
I found the drip incredibly painful but managed with gas and air, and my affirmations and hypnobirthing cds. I was so in the zone and focused on meeting my baby. However, I was having 2 hourly VE's, on the instructions of the nasty doctor, and AGAIN I stalled at 7cm over the course of 4 hours. This was now about 70 hours in and I literally hit a wall. I knew that I was becoming too exhausted and because labour stalled again, that I was possibly going to end up with a c-section
SO I opted for an epidural to get me through to the end. I'd so wanted to birth without an epidural but I knew I needed help at this stage. I got to 10cm very quickly after that but then my baby's heartbeat dropped and suddenly the room filled with people - OBs, paediatricians, midwives...
She was back to back and 'stargazing' which means her head wasn't tucked to her chest, which makes birth more difficult. They needed to get her out fast and we had 2 failed vacuums. Then they said they would have to use forceps and perform an episiotomy I was so upset at this but also absolutely terrified and overwhelmed and exhausted. It was everything I didn't want in a birth.
She came out with about 4 pushes and the forceps. It was scary seeing the OB pulling with the forceps though!! I remember crying and telling her to be gentle. My baby came out covered in meconium and was placed on me for just a few seconds before being taken by the paeds team for assistance. They were worried about her inhaling and ingesting meconium, plus she had a high level of lactic acid in her blood, like we would if we'd run a marathon. It was clear she found the birth very difficult
They gave us about 15 minutes of skin to skin before taking her to the neonatal unit. My husband went with our baby and my lovely midwife went off duty after staying late to be there for the birth. Suddenly the room was empty except for me. I was covered in blood and meconium, and the room was a mess with birth crap. I was alone, unable to move, for about 30 minutes I think. I couldn't quite comprehend what had just happened. I think I was in shock. I couldn't believe that I'd just had a baby because I felt more sad and lonely than I'd ever felt before. Somebody brought me tea and toast and I thought 'wtf do I want tea and toast for, bring me to my baby!'
DH returned and I was brought to see my baby, though I wasn't allowed to hold her or breastfeed her
It was so hard to see her in an incubator and not to be allowed feed her as I'd so wanted. I was then brought to my ward, despite my protestations that they shouldn't separate us. It was devastating. They said she should be out of neonatal after 1 or 2 nights though.
The following morning, I was finally allowed to hold and feed her. Breastfeeding was a challenge but I was determined. I only had an uncomfy chair to sit on in the neonatal unit, which wasn't great for breastfeeding OR my recovery, but I was there as much as possible.
Blood tests then revealed that she had 'markers' for infection and she would need to stay in neonatal, for 5 days total I, again, argued that they should try keep us together but they couldn't/wouldn't. I became really upset at one stage, with a whole team of doctors, and cried that everything had gone wrong since I arrived at the hospital. One of the doctors remarked that I should have spent less time reading those books that claim birth is natural because 'sometimes babies die' 
That was hugely upsetting for me to hear and I found it unnecessary for him to say. That comment, and the one about stillbirth being a potential, makes me wonder how close I came to losing her..?
I was determined to breastfeed, so I stayed with her, on that uncomfy chair, most of the time and at night I relied on the nurses to call me when she looked like she needed feeding. So, several times a night, I would be called to go down 3 flights to her, feed her, then express for times when I couldn't be there for a feed. I'd barely get back to my bed before I'd have to head back to her. It was exhausting.
I was discharged 2 days before her and bawled my eyes out all the way home. That was the same day my body went into shock from everything that happened and the lack of sleep - almost 1 full week since first going in to labour. I was vomiting and shaking and my whole body hurt.
It was fantastic to finally get her home 2 days later but it took another week for me to feel better. I was throwing up over her head while breastfeeding, into a bucket held by my husband! On top of this, she had tongue tie which was killing my nipples. At one stage, she threw up blood and I panicked until I saw that it had obviously come from my bleeding nipples :/ The tongue tie has now been snipped so we now have to wean off those damn shields! I'm so proud that we've managed to breastfeed - in fact, I've mastered the art of one-handed typing as she's feeding as I type
I've loved her from the minute I saw her and would happily do time for anybody that dared to hurt her. So, yes, she's been worth it. But the phrase 'all that matters is a healthy baby' is upsetting for me to hear, and I hear it a lot. I found the birth and especially the aftermath so hard - and it definitely wasn't easy on my baby either. She's a VERY attached baby; I'm sure she's making up for the time we were apart.
Honestly...it breaks my heart every time I think of her being in distress during birth and being taken from me immediately once she was born. It must have been so scary for her
She's thriving now and putting on heaps of weight. I love her more every day! She loves feeds and cuddles and hates this current heatwave. She's already got her own little personality at 3 weeks of age
If you've made it to the end, thanks for reading and I hope it hasn't triggered/scared anyone!
I had a relatively easy pregnancy and was considered low risk so we aimed to have an all natural home birth. I went into early labour at 40 + 8 and we were so excited. Laboured well all that night at home using only the TENS but by the following morning, labour had stalled. Labour started and stopped like that until, 30 hours in, our midwife said I needed to go to hospital and be induced. After 30 hours I was still only 1cm dilated!
By the time I got to the hospital, I had reached 2cm and the doctor was happy to let me progress on my own which was great. BUT again, labour stopped and started constantly. I got to 48 hours in, or thereabouts, when I was admitted to the labour ward but labour stalled once there again! I couldn't believe it!! It was so incredibly frustrating. The hospital were SO accommodating to my birth plan (no drugs, no interventions unless necessary) but eventually they suggested ARM which I allowed.
Unfortunately there was grade 2 meconium present in the waters and a horrible doctor came in and told me my baby could be stillborn (!!!!!) if we didn't do something about it, and insisted on starting the syntocinon drip. I had wanted badly to avoid this and my wonderful midwife advised I didn't have to consent to it but I was scared - who wouldn't be??
I found the drip incredibly painful but managed with gas and air, and my affirmations and hypnobirthing cds. I was so in the zone and focused on meeting my baby. However, I was having 2 hourly VE's, on the instructions of the nasty doctor, and AGAIN I stalled at 7cm over the course of 4 hours. This was now about 70 hours in and I literally hit a wall. I knew that I was becoming too exhausted and because labour stalled again, that I was possibly going to end up with a c-section
SO I opted for an epidural to get me through to the end. I'd so wanted to birth without an epidural but I knew I needed help at this stage. I got to 10cm very quickly after that but then my baby's heartbeat dropped and suddenly the room filled with people - OBs, paediatricians, midwives...
She was back to back and 'stargazing' which means her head wasn't tucked to her chest, which makes birth more difficult. They needed to get her out fast and we had 2 failed vacuums. Then they said they would have to use forceps and perform an episiotomy
I was so upset at this but also absolutely terrified and overwhelmed and exhausted. It was everything I didn't want in a birth. She came out with about 4 pushes and the forceps. It was scary seeing the OB pulling with the forceps though!! I remember crying and telling her to be gentle. My baby came out covered in meconium and was placed on me for just a few seconds before being taken by the paeds team for assistance. They were worried about her inhaling and ingesting meconium, plus she had a high level of lactic acid in her blood, like we would if we'd run a marathon. It was clear she found the birth very difficult
They gave us about 15 minutes of skin to skin before taking her to the neonatal unit. My husband went with our baby and my lovely midwife went off duty after staying late to be there for the birth. Suddenly the room was empty except for me. I was covered in blood and meconium, and the room was a mess with birth crap. I was alone, unable to move, for about 30 minutes I think. I couldn't quite comprehend what had just happened. I think I was in shock. I couldn't believe that I'd just had a baby because I felt more sad and lonely than I'd ever felt before. Somebody brought me tea and toast and I thought 'wtf do I want tea and toast for, bring me to my baby!'
DH returned and I was brought to see my baby, though I wasn't allowed to hold her or breastfeed her
It was so hard to see her in an incubator and not to be allowed feed her as I'd so wanted. I was then brought to my ward, despite my protestations that they shouldn't separate us. It was devastating. They said she should be out of neonatal after 1 or 2 nights though. The following morning, I was finally allowed to hold and feed her. Breastfeeding was a challenge but I was determined. I only had an uncomfy chair to sit on in the neonatal unit, which wasn't great for breastfeeding OR my recovery, but I was there as much as possible.
Blood tests then revealed that she had 'markers' for infection and she would need to stay in neonatal, for 5 days total
I, again, argued that they should try keep us together but they couldn't/wouldn't. I became really upset at one stage, with a whole team of doctors, and cried that everything had gone wrong since I arrived at the hospital. One of the doctors remarked that I should have spent less time reading those books that claim birth is natural because 'sometimes babies die' That was hugely upsetting for me to hear and I found it unnecessary for him to say. That comment, and the one about stillbirth being a potential, makes me wonder how close I came to losing her..? I was determined to breastfeed, so I stayed with her, on that uncomfy chair, most of the time and at night I relied on the nurses to call me when she looked like she needed feeding. So, several times a night, I would be called to go down 3 flights to her, feed her, then express for times when I couldn't be there for a feed. I'd barely get back to my bed before I'd have to head back to her. It was exhausting.
I was discharged 2 days before her and bawled my eyes out all the way home. That was the same day my body went into shock from everything that happened and the lack of sleep - almost 1 full week since first going in to labour. I was vomiting and shaking and my whole body hurt.
It was fantastic to finally get her home 2 days later but it took another week for me to feel better. I was throwing up over her head while breastfeeding, into a bucket held by my husband! On top of this, she had tongue tie which was killing my nipples. At one stage, she threw up blood and I panicked until I saw that it had obviously come from my bleeding nipples :/ The tongue tie has now been snipped so we now have to wean off those damn shields! I'm so proud that we've managed to breastfeed - in fact, I've mastered the art of one-handed typing as she's feeding as I type
I've loved her from the minute I saw her and would happily do time for anybody that dared to hurt her. So, yes, she's been worth it. But the phrase 'all that matters is a healthy baby' is upsetting for me to hear, and I hear it a lot. I found the birth and especially the aftermath so hard - and it definitely wasn't easy on my baby either. She's a VERY attached baby; I'm sure she's making up for the time we were apart.
Honestly...it breaks my heart every time I think of her being in distress during birth and being taken from me immediately once she was born. It must have been so scary for her
She's thriving now and putting on heaps of weight. I love her more every day! She loves feeds and cuddles and hates this current heatwave. She's already got her own little personality at 3 weeks of age
If you've made it to the end, thanks for reading and I hope it hasn't triggered/scared anyone!
