Its all in a name...

[cuteboots]

Just a bit of background, I have an 11 year old coming 12 from a previous relationship, I split with ex when lo was 1 month, he came back into his life when he was about 1 1/2years, we went through the courts as I wanted his access defined due to him not being there and also dom. vio. He got access then couldn't be bothered and he hasn't been in lo live since he was about 1yr 9 months.
Since then Ive moved on I've a new OH and other lo's. OH and son have very good relationship he gets treated no differently to our other ones other than him being older and getting extra treats due to his age.

We were sitting playing last night and my lo who's two kept calling every one by their full names. Out of the blue my oldest turned around and said thats not my name my name is Dylan **** his dads surname (which it was but is changed legally), my eldest has the same surname as me so its not as if he was feeling left out. Ive no idea where this came from, although ive told my son if he wants to see his dad I would do what I could he's never wanted too, he also isn't aware of what went on and ive never said anything bad about ex incase lo ever wondered if he was like him in any way and therefore I dislike that about him iykwim.
Dreading where this is going to lead and also really hurt by his comment. It feels like a slap in the face, as though although Ive always been there for him what I do isn't good enough.
Sorry for ranting on but I don't know what to do for the best

 

[Welshcob]

so sorry to read this. You know he probably means nothing by it, but I totally see how this hurt you. Not sure I can advise, but I hope you feel a bit better, just having got it off your chest xxx

 

[cuteboots]

Im more worried that he'll get hurt if he trys to get in touch with ex or ex's family, ex has walked past him and his granmother and aunts turned their backs literally on him when I saw them in a shop If that had been me Id have done anything to see him especially his grandmother as shes never seen him since she ran off with another man before he was born, then again she also abandoned her own children... They really arent a nice family I just dont want him getting hurt, I don't think he'd understand why they wouldn't want him in their lives?

 

[lal]

The most you can do is show him how big a part he is of your life, which it sounds as though you've done wonderfully. I think kids will always "explore" the idea of the other parent, and unfortunately will always hope/imagine the best, even when it's not there. He will be hurt by it, but you'll have to let him discover that FOB's family is awful, for himself. He is bound to think you are bitter and not believe your opinion if you try to tell him, and he will end up finding out anyway. You can't protect him, but you can prepare him as best possible, and he will see that you kept him in the best situation there was, with you