its been 4 months since my miscarriage. will i ever stop crying at night?

[Marz1120]

i just can't control it at times. i got married in Sept 09 and in Nov found out we were expecting.first pregnancy,unexpected pregnancy, so excited. well i lost the baby at 8 weeks. one day i just started bleeding, next thing u know i'm going in for tests, it all happened so fast. i got a d&c. i bleed for a couple weeks and spent them crying in bed. and now its been four months and every time i get my period i cry. it just doesn't seem fair and i was never given a reason. so of course now i want a baby so bad. i get that you have to wait, i know but now that we got the green light, my husband is saying no. i mean really? he thinks its too early in our marriage and we should wait. wait for what? i don't get it. its causing us to fight and i just am not wanting to give in on this? am i wrong? i just feel empty. one day I'm carring around my first child and the next its being pulled from out of me to die. i just don't know who to talk to because all my friends have kids and don't understand. plus it makes me more upset at the fact that they had healthy babies and i didn't.

 

[TripleB]

Hey Marz, so sorry for your loss. It's completely normal to still be very upset after 4 months. It takes a long time to get over MC and you'll never forget but one day it will get easier. I know that trying again really helped me but you both have to want it. Have you managed to talk to your hubby about how desparate you're feeling? Sometimes it's hard for men to understand the physical yearning for a child. I hope you manage to work through this but BnB is a great place for additional support. X

 

[Vickieh1981]

I can't give you an answer to that as it's different for everyone.

I am 7 weeks on from losing Isabella and today I cried for the first time in ages. I do however look at her photos in bed every night so am still grieving but in a different way to you so I can't really tell you when.

I think a lot of it may be tied in with not being able to try again as well as that tends to give you a focus. I agree with tripleB in that you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.

After Isabella died John said we should wait 6 months to let us get over it but I went hysterical and he quickly changed his mind lol.

I really hope you manage to find some peace from somewhere soon.

 

[africaqueen]

Hi Marz,
i lost my baby on 5th jan due to ectopic and altho i was only 6wks pg and only known for 2wks i was and still am heartbroken. I had the trauma of emergency surgery too and lost one of my tubes with my longed for baby. I am 70% better now than i was back then and i have accepted it now, altho i am still finding it hard and still refer to "i would of been 21wks pg now" etc and i find it difficult seeing women who are at the same stage of pregnancy i would of been, i am coping better day by day. I dnt think i will ever fully cope intill i am pregnant again tho... if u ever need to talk pm me hun xxx

 

[Lindyloo]

I think Vickie is right..alot of it is probably to do with not being able to try again. I cant say anything abut amount of time it takes to stop crying. I still cry at some point every day, whether its because I have seen a pregnant woman and recently I found out I have an infection following loss so we still cant try so alot of my tears are probably like yours...I just want to start trying again asap.

Our partners grieve so differently to us and dont understand how we are left feeling after a MC and the void is huge.. nothing can replace the lost baby but once you have experienced pregancy nothing can replace that feeling other than getting pregnant again.

I hope your husband changes his mind and you start your ttc journey soon.

x

 

[heart tree]

Hi Marz, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Like the other ladies have said, there is no timetable on your grief. I've had 2 mc's and no baby yet. I still cry about both of them. I cried for much longer after the first one. Months in fact. Eventually the tears did subside. My DH and I did start trying after 2 cycles which did help, but every time I got my period, it was like I was being re-traumatized all over again. When I got pregnant again, rather than be happy, my DH told me he didn't want to go through what we had been through before. Sadly, we did go through it again.

I'm wondering if that is why your DH is hesitant to try again. Perhaps he's scared. Perhaps he hates the thought of seeing you so sad. Perhaps he is sad himself. Has he given you any reasons aside from it being too early in your marriage? I agree with the other ladies that you should talk to him about it. Maybe even a couple of sessions of couples counseling could help. It is important for you to both express your feelings and come to a compromise that will suit both of you.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

 

[stacie-leigh]

i just can't control it at times. i got married in Sept 09 and in Nov found out we were expecting.first pregnancy,unexpected pregnancy, so excited. well i lost the baby at 8 weeks. one day i just started bleeding, next thing u know i'm going in for tests, it all happened so fast. i got a d&c. i bleed for a couple weeks and spent them crying in bed. and now its been four months and every time i get my period i cry. it just doesn't seem fair and i was never given a reason. so of course now i want a baby so bad. i get that you have to wait, i know but now that we got the green light, my husband is saying no. i mean really? he thinks its too early in our marriage and we should wait. wait for what? i don't get it. its causing us to fight and i just am not wanting to give in on this? am i wrong? i just feel empty. one day I'm carring around my first child and the next its being pulled from out of me to die. i just don't know who to talk to because all my friends have kids and don't understand. plus it makes me more upset at the fact that they had healthy babies and i didn't.

Hello. I'm very sorry for your lose, the same happened to me. We lost our baby at 8 weeks and it devistated me, i still cry about it now, 10 months later I honestly don't know how long it takes to get over it, or if you ever get over it, but people do say it gets easier. Although, i can't see it yet.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband not wanting to try again too, have you told him how you feel? I hope you are feeling a bit better soon and everything works out for you.

Stacie xx

 

[Jaymes]

Marz, I am so sorry for your loss! I have to say after being married for 11 years now, I still remember the first year being the worst. We both had so many expectations (that neither of us could live up to,) and didn't communicate as much as we should have. Please, just talk to him, have one of those all night conversations and get it all out. Don't assume he knows anything. He (in my case) may be your best friend, but IS NOT a mind reader. Let him know. Communication is the key.

 

[bat8301]

Thinking and praying for you. I too have some idea of what you're going through. I lost my Gracie 6 wks ago. Some days I feel like I am making some progress and other days I just want to stay in bed and cry. People who have never experienced this have no idea how painful and raw the hurt is. I found that the best thing that helped me was to read other peoples' stories of mc. I know it sounds morbid, but I guess knowing that other people had felt what I was feeling made me feel better. I too felt "empty" after losing my baby and wanted to try right away. I still go back and forth about ttc. I want another baby so bad, but I'm worried about how I'll be emotionally the next time I do get pregnant. I would suggest talking to your OH and ask him why he wants to wait and tell him how you feel. If you ever need to chat, let me know. I also have a blog that I wrote "Gracie's Story" on if you want to read it. Like I said before, reading about other's mc's made me feel not so alone. www.bamcgraw.blogspot.com
xoxo

 

[develange]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Losing a pregnancy takes a HUGE emotional toll on a woman no matter how far along they may be. We connect with our unborn babies on such an intimate level that its no wonder after losing one we have such a higher desire to try again after a loss. To men they lose their baby, but to women they lose the baby and a great part of themselves; that baby was actually in them at one point with a connection only you can only understand.
I really suggest you just spill your guts to him and tell him how your really really feel. Thorough communication will get you soo far, guys are definitely NOT mind readers lol. (EPECIALLY mine lol).

You'll find that this place is a great place to come for support, so never hesistate to spill your guts here!
BEST of luck to you hun

 

[mlyn26]

I am so sorry for your loss. Its so so hard. I lost my baby in march at 9 and half weeks. The first week i sobbed literal hacking sobs. Then until last week i was starting to feel bit better. The last week i.ve felt pretty crap again. Cryin on way to work, almost crying at work and i've cried myself to sleep for 3 nights. I miss my baby so much. I wish i'd met my bubba, will hopefully get easier x

 

[mum of 2]

Hi, Im ttc my 3rd baby, I have 2 daughters age 9 and 3 and in between them i have lost 3 babies all at different stages, one i didn't even know i was pregnant with! I can'h honestly say you do get over it, I think it just becomes easier. Most of my friends were pregnant at the same time as me and it was so hard being with them, Some didn't even talk to me for a while! My OH was useless, he couldn't even stay with me in hospital as he just didn't know how to be.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it is very hard, I just wondered why it was happening to me, and everybody seems to have a theory as to why it did!
Your husband may be in shock himself and doesn't know how to react, How Thinking of you xxx

 

[Ten]

I'm so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I lost my little girl eight months ago, and some days I cry all the time... some days I don't. On the days I do, I wonder if I should just get a grip - on the days I don't, I wonder what's wrong with me that I'm not. I think that we shouldn't try to figure out what's normal and okay... whatever you're feeling, that's okay. We're going through enough pain without trying to analyze wither we're defective in how we're reacting to it.

About your DH - some guys are really quiet about their pain and avoid everything to do with it. For some guys, even if they were excited about the pregnancy, they don't really have the same sense that it's a baby that we women do. They don't feel it inside them. It's not part of them. It's this abstract concept - like a two-year-old knowing there's a cookie in the next room. They can't see it, so it's not really real to them, if you know what I mean.

Maybe it would help him to talk to other people who have lost babies... so he can understand where you're coming from without feeling like you're making demands of him? (Whether or not you are - we know guys just feel like that some days!)

I hope you and he can find some peace and common ground. and we're here for you.