its been a while, need some advice

[lauramarie]

hey havent been on here for months, hadn't heard from FOB in months so had just got on with my life, well he is back!

try to keep it short, split with my ex husband last march while i was pregnant, as i found out he was having an affair, he decided to leave me for her. he then turned really verbally nasty, when jake was born he phoned hospital and harrassed them, but never came to visit him and decided he wanted nothing to do with him, his mum met jake once. i never stopped them having contact. anyway that was it until august, when i got an email out of the blue saying that he was sorry for his behaviour and he wasn't mentally right at that time, and he would now like to see jake! was a really difficult decsion which i discussed with solicitor and i decided he cud see him every friday 2-4pm, first two visit were fine. I told him i didn't feel comfortable with his girlfriend being part of jakes life atm (she is a horrible person).
Had third visit yesterday and when he took him back (5mins late, i didnt say anything) he said that next week he wanted jake and hour longer as his mum was coming up to visit, i explained that i thought it was too early to be increasing times and that they would still be able to see him at arranged times, well he went mental saying that he can do as he pleases as i have no written contract to stop him and his girlfriend will be seeing jake to, as he has rights and i can't stop him. he was shouting at me on my doorstep and this was in front of jake, because i was so mad i ended up saying that he wasn't going to see him again and shut the door and he went away, i haven't heard anything from him since.

i don't know what to do now, i don't trust him and i really don't want him to see jake, i agreed to access in first place as i thought it would be in jakes best interest, i could have just told him to take me to court, he doesn't appreciate what i have done for him and wants it all his own way.

sorry its so long, felt like i was finally getting on with my life now have went back to square one

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hugs hun xx


To be honest i am crap at advice but what you have to remember is that your the one thats in control here.
Your ex has to do what you say and if thats no to the gf thats no!!

My ex sees Alex in my home, he has never taken Alex away or out (a he hasnt asked and b i dont feel comfortable with it as he only sees Alex once every 2 weeks)

I would wait and see what you ex does, if he gets in touch you need to make it clear that you are jakes mum and what you say goes.
If he cant respect you and your wishes then you should perhaps talk to a solcitor.

Good luck x

 

[lauramarie]

thanks for the replies hun

i wanted the visits to be supervised and would have been ok with him visiting him in the house, but my solicitor advised against this, she also said that there was nothing i could do about his gf being in jakes life, think i need to change solicitors, i can't see why it should all be his way!

Also didn't mention that he has never asked anything about jake except for whether he coul walk or talk, he doesn't know if he is healthy, how many teeth, immunisations, sleep pattern, basically nothing, i really don' think he is that interested

x

 

[ladyjayne]

Unfortunatley your solicitors right, While on his time you dont have the right to say who he can take your LO to see - if thats his GF then, as much as it sucks so be it. The only way to stop this is a restraining order against his GF and you need to prove that she is unsuitable to be around your child (ie dangerous ect) However, you dont have to lengthen his time. Contact is more your decision. Its what suits you, and if your uncomfortable letting him have the extra hour, he has no choice.
Beware though, if he does take him and then doesnt bring him back, the police wont help as it is his dad and therefore not kidnapp. Rediculous I know. I hope that helps. Its not great news I know but its reality. Hugs for you!!! xx

 

[lauramarie]

thanks, so unfair that as he has parental responsibility its as though he can please himself, met him 4 times and now hes dad of the year grrr. know i cant stop him having his gf in jakes life, but feel that he should get to know jake first before introducing her.

decided im just going to wait and see if he contacts me and take it from there, i hate all this, just want a peaceful life x

 

[Aidedhoney]

wow thats news to me about the gf as well.........it sucks big time, they are the ones that f off and leave us holing the baby then coming swanning in and make unresonable demands lol

Its crazy eh

Keep your chin up, if its any held my ex is the same, shows very little intrest but thinks hes dad of the year x

 

[MikaylasMummy]

to be honest hun and i know it can look harsh on your part but i would stop letting him take jake until u have an interim order in place..i dont know how it works there but in aus u can get a temporary order that is legally enforcable that is in place until you reach the courts for a proper order..it only takes a couple of weeks to get the interim order and once that is in place if he does try and keep lo longer than you have allowed the police will go and get him and give him back to you..once again may be different there but going through the courts can also be a short process if both parents agree on eachothers terms there is no need to go past mediation and a permanent order can be put in place..i have numerous friends who's fob's witheld their lo's from them for a few days up to a month or two because they could and there was nothing the mums could do til they got an emergency injunction!!so just be careful if he is acting eratic like this now its not a good sign

 

[lauramarie]

walked to argos in town today with jake and my dog (dog was his), as i was going in, he was walking out, my stomach did a flip as didn't know how he would react with me. well he looked me in face and ignored me, he also ignored jake and his dog who was outside barking pretty shocked that he ignored jake

i think if access is to continue you are right there would need to be mediation

 

[LittleLemon]

Ignored his own son! Sorry just had to express my disgust. That must be heartbreaking... and exactly what I am facing with my son should we bump into his "dad" in the future. Thankfully, London is too big of a city for that to be a risk (fingers crossed)

Well rid of idiots like that! Hugs to you hun xx

 

[jaala]

I cant imagine how any one can ignore their baby like that.. it really is Disgusting!
Sorry for what your going thru hun.
xo
J.