It's hopeless... do we just give up?

[renee_xx]

All these years we were under the impression that the reason we haven't concieved yet was on me. We thought maybe I wasn't ovulating or because I had a history of displacia in my cervix, We always just assumed something was wrong with ME. .

Turns out I ovulate just fine, Regular periods like clockwork (never bought the whole 'you can have regular periods and not ovulate') my fallopian tubes are clear and open, and my eggs thriving...

It never occurred to us that the problem could be DH, until today when we received his Sperm analysis. The report says he has 4% NORMAL sperm. Basically we will never be able to concieve natually... which is the same thing as saying we never be able to concieve because we cannot ever afford IVF...and even if we could, his ego wouldn't allow it.

Everything else was above average but that means nothing. None of his sperm can successfully penetrate my eggs... which is why it has not happened after all this time. In a way I am relieved.... maybe because I knew deep down I was meant to be a mother and my body wouldn't deprive me of that - but I'm with him and I support him regardless. His problem is my problem. But basically we're finished... no known cure or treatment for abnormal sperm forms.

I'm just so depressed and miserable.. So is he, he broke down today crying. He is the last to carry on his family name.. It's just such a huge blow to take. I was so hopeful with the clomid... but I see now that would have never helped.

I'm sorry I just needed to vent... and now I need to stop thinking about children or babies. Good luck to everyone...

xx

 

[chocolatecat]

Hi there, sorry I know I don't know you, but I just wanted to send you a hug, I didn't want to read and run.
I'm sorry you've had such bad news. It's a big shock and will take a while to sink in. But there is the option of using a sperm donor. I know your OH won't consider it now, but given some time he might come round to the idea. I think men frequently surprise us with their change of hearts.
Fingers crossed it all works out for you.
xxx

 

[caline]

Hi Renee,

Have you discussed this result with you doctor??

My DH's first sperm analysis wasn't great but wasn't awful. His count was above average but the motility and normal forms were low. So, he repeated the sample and the 2nd one was even worse! 3% normal forms!!!

Straight away I felt like you are now, and made an appointment with his GP, only to be told it was a fertile specimen, as 4% of the total count was 40 million, or something. My GP disagreed and told me that it wasn't a great count, but not an infertile one. I have seen a few different doctors at the gynae clinic. One consultant said it was ok and the other said it wasn't great.

What I am trying to say is don't look at the 4% normal forms in isolation. What is the total count??

DH is repeating the sample again next week. We have been told that if the count is this low then we will be referred for IUI on the NHS. They can refine the sperm from my DH, wash them etc then only put top quality swimmers back in to me.

I would go back to the dr and get the sample redone a couple more times. One poor sample in isolation doean't mean anything. An infertile sperm sample is one with NO sperm. Your DH has 4% normal swimmers!!! Work out 4% of his total count as you will be suprised at how many sperm there are swimming to your egg that could do the job!!!

Don;t be defeated yet. There's still a massive chance that you might conceive without IVF.

Good luck

 

[FJL]

Sorry to hear your news

My DH has multiple sperm problems and only 1% of his are normal. We're doing IVF/ICSI and thankfully we have a reasonable health care system in Australia (though it is about to get axed ) making it affordable.

If this is what you really want then the dream is still attainable, but of course you need your DH on board and then it is a matter of saving every single penny that you can and cutting out any costs that you can so that you can one day afford IVF.

If not, would you consider adoption? Please don't think i'm saying this lightly because accepting that you will not have a biological child would be an extremely hard thing to do and I feel you would need to grieve that before moving forward with adoption. But it is something that you could perhaps look into when the time is right. I know that it is a very lengthy and invasive process, and it can be very expensive, but it is something that you can think about.

Good luck to you and we're all here for you.

Oh, just a thought, since everything else in DH's sperm is good, you could always experiment with vitamins and natural therapies. An allround sperm suppliment would be good and if it isn't already in it, be sure that he is taking 1000mg of folic acid and 500mg Vit E and 1000mg Vit C. This is suppose to help with everything to do with the sperm so it is at least worth a shot.

xx

 

[renee_xx]

thanks for the support guys..

he has 62 million sperm
83% mobile sperm
4% normal formed

whats funny is the doctors never even mentioned to us that this was a problem. they just put the 'average/ok' label on it... which I'm seeing now was a complete understatement. If they would have just been honest with us about it from the beginning instead of letting us hopelessly try month after month... I still would have no idea if I hadn't had the results mailed to us.

I'm getting him on vitamins and supplements. I read somewhere online of a man with the same problem and he took 1000mg vitamin C, and his numbers shot up like crazy. DH also smokes, and takes steaming hot showers.. I know he won't quit smoking but I will get him to cut down and maybe take luke warm showers. I don't want to give up on natural just yet... Maybe these numbers were a fluke because incidentally he took one of his 'sauna' showers before testing. He's gonna schedule another SA soon so I'll keep you guys posted...

Oh & adoption would definitely be an option - I have no problem with that.. however adoption is just as expensive as IVF would have been, if not more - Sperm donor is wayyy cheaper and feasable but it's a touchy subject and I don't know how to even bring it up... I don't think DH would want it..

xx

 

[CurlySue]

When I went to an IVF information evening recently they told us of a man who had only FOUR live sperm after having to have it extracted surgically because his normal count was zero. Imagine what the percentage of having four sperm out of however many million is. It is a LOT less than 4%.

That man, after having one round of ICSI, ended up with healthy twins.

There is always hope. If it's money that's the problem is there any way of getting financial assistance?

As for ego...well, think about it. When you finally give birth, you will lie there with your legs open, your muffin on show, pushing like a stuck pig whilst red in the face. There are no egos in TTC. There cannot be.

 

[MayMay]

I'm so sorry to hear the trouble you're going through. It's so hard to hear news like that. We too have male factor infertility and DF was completely devestated with the news. He too is the last to carry the blood line and name. We're saving our money and hoping for the best. It's touchy to talk about alternatives like donors and adoption with us too. Sometimes its much easier to talk to the ladies on here than to talk to my man but I made sure he knows how I feel then I just lay off the topic. You're husband will come around. It's so important to support eachother and recognize that ALL feelings are valid sometimes just saying/hearing them without comment is enough. There ARE options out there for everyone wanting to build a family. Finding what is right for you two is a process that takes saintly patience so understanding when frustration blows up is also really important.

And remember we're here!

 

[Mrs T]

My husband had zero sperm alive, no motilaty etc..... he also broke down the evening we got the news. Its harder for them men take, but like you the blame of infertility lay with me untill that day!
Since then he's had his sperm removed sugically... the dr daid it was just like taking a blood sample but from the testies!! His sperm was perfect, so the problem was that his seminal fluid it had antibodys in it. Were now going ahead with IVF/ICIS this month..... Please dont give up x

 

[BizyBee]

 

[latestarter]