I'm 18 weeks and I'm completely fed up. This pregnancy has not been a good experience, it has just been one thing after another. It's my first pregnancy.
First, it took 2 and a half years to get pregnant. I was investigated and found to have a blocked fallopian tube so was told IVF was the best option. I got pregnant by a miracle a few days later so was really really happy.
Second, I had bleeding on around 5 occasions during the first trimester that had to be followed up on ultrasound and thankfully all was okay, but each time it caused so much stress and worry.
Third, my combined test came back as 1/40 risk for Down's Syndrome after a 2 week wait for the results. So I had the Harmony test as I didn't want amnio - another excruciating 2 week wait. Thankfully the results came back as less than 1 in 10,000 but the 2 weeks waiting was one of the most awful periods of my life and I was incredibly down and found it difficult to think of much else.
Fourth, one week after the results came back, I went for my second cervical length assessment via ultrasound. It showed that in a 1 week period my cervix length (shortened from 2 previous cone biopsies) had gone down from 2.6cm to 1.7cm. So on Thursday I had a cervical cerclage in hospital. It sounds like an easy procedure but isn't - I had a spinal block, a cast of thousands in the operating theatre, and a 2 day hospital stay. Now I have to deal with the uncertainty of possible membrane rupture and infection, so they have given me antibiotics. To top it off, I was badly managed in the hospital, it took over a day to get the right medication sent up, and the staff were completely unhelpful and I got the feeling no-one gave a sh*t about me. I had to ask to have my urine bag emptied among other things.
Fifth, now I have got diarrhoea from the antibiotics! I'm trying to drink loads of water and eat regularly (as want to make sure nutrients are absorbed). This can be a side effect of the medication due to upsetting the natural bacteria in the gut and may go away (I've only had it today).
So, I am COMPLETELY fed up and really sad. The whole pregnancy has been fraught with worry and medical issues and I am not happy and not my usual self. People keep saying 'oh, it will all be worth it when the baby's born' etc etc, which may be true, but at the moment I am so sad and this is not the 'dream' of pregnancy that society sells you.
I feel really sorry for myself. I'm finding it hard to bond with the baby because of all this; I feel sorry for the baby, bless it, because all this crap is going on and it's not the baby's fault. I am teary a lot of the time, I'm trying to stay positive but this all has taken such an emotional toll. I'm a strong person but this is really testing me. I'm normally confident and outgoing but all this has made me scared of everything and is turning me into a recluse. I don't even recognise myself any more.
I just needed to get all this out. I'm crying writing this. I just hope I can get through all this and that the baby will be okay. I am never, ever putting myself through this again. It has not been a good time.
Any words of support appreciated.
Elodie
First, it took 2 and a half years to get pregnant. I was investigated and found to have a blocked fallopian tube so was told IVF was the best option. I got pregnant by a miracle a few days later so was really really happy.
Second, I had bleeding on around 5 occasions during the first trimester that had to be followed up on ultrasound and thankfully all was okay, but each time it caused so much stress and worry.
Third, my combined test came back as 1/40 risk for Down's Syndrome after a 2 week wait for the results. So I had the Harmony test as I didn't want amnio - another excruciating 2 week wait. Thankfully the results came back as less than 1 in 10,000 but the 2 weeks waiting was one of the most awful periods of my life and I was incredibly down and found it difficult to think of much else.
Fourth, one week after the results came back, I went for my second cervical length assessment via ultrasound. It showed that in a 1 week period my cervix length (shortened from 2 previous cone biopsies) had gone down from 2.6cm to 1.7cm. So on Thursday I had a cervical cerclage in hospital. It sounds like an easy procedure but isn't - I had a spinal block, a cast of thousands in the operating theatre, and a 2 day hospital stay. Now I have to deal with the uncertainty of possible membrane rupture and infection, so they have given me antibiotics. To top it off, I was badly managed in the hospital, it took over a day to get the right medication sent up, and the staff were completely unhelpful and I got the feeling no-one gave a sh*t about me. I had to ask to have my urine bag emptied among other things.
Fifth, now I have got diarrhoea from the antibiotics! I'm trying to drink loads of water and eat regularly (as want to make sure nutrients are absorbed). This can be a side effect of the medication due to upsetting the natural bacteria in the gut and may go away (I've only had it today).
So, I am COMPLETELY fed up and really sad. The whole pregnancy has been fraught with worry and medical issues and I am not happy and not my usual self. People keep saying 'oh, it will all be worth it when the baby's born' etc etc, which may be true, but at the moment I am so sad and this is not the 'dream' of pregnancy that society sells you.
I feel really sorry for myself. I'm finding it hard to bond with the baby because of all this; I feel sorry for the baby, bless it, because all this crap is going on and it's not the baby's fault. I am teary a lot of the time, I'm trying to stay positive but this all has taken such an emotional toll. I'm a strong person but this is really testing me. I'm normally confident and outgoing but all this has made me scared of everything and is turning me into a recluse. I don't even recognise myself any more.
I just needed to get all this out. I'm crying writing this. I just hope I can get through all this and that the baby will be okay. I am never, ever putting myself through this again. It has not been a good time.
Any words of support appreciated.
Elodie
I'm also doing it alone after my fiancé left me 3 weeks ago and I almost lost baby at 7+2! So I can imagine what a though time you must be having.
xx
