I've got to wait.

[Reedy]

Hi I'm new to this site but reading through a few of the threads I know you girls will understand.

My Husband & I have been married for 2 weeks & already I'm wanting to try for a baby. A week or so ago I was undecided as to whether I would like to go away just the 2 of us before we start trying or to try for a baby straight away. A holiday would be great but its just so expensive & would mean putting back having a baby for another year or so. I've already waited 6 years I dont think I can wait any longer.
Spoke to hubby last night & told him that I dont care about a holiday I really want a baby & he said he doesnt feel ready yet but he'll know when he does. Which is fine I want us both to want this & i dont want him to agree to it if he isnt entirely happy. But I'm worrying its going to be another year or more till he's ready. I'm 25 this year & i know thats still young but I dont want to leave it too late especially as it could take us awhile to fall pregnant anyway.
I know there isnt a lot people can say to this I just needed to get it off my chest.

 

[NatalieW]

First of all welcome.

I know how you feel, it was my OH bringing up trying for a baby last year, I had to wait a year until we did, however he is 6 years old than me, and I am 26.

How old is you OH?

 

[Reedy]

He's 29 this year. I did remind him he's going to be 30 next year & he just told me to ssshh
I've always told him that I want him to come to me & say 'I want us to try for a baby' bcus he knows I've wanted a baby since my niece was born 5 years ago so he know I'll say yes.
Why do the men always get to make the decisions - like when they are going to ask you to marry them & now when we'll have a baby

 

[porkpie1981]

Mennnnnnnnnnnn

I had the same problem with my oh and still hes nervous even tho we had a 2 yr old

 

[NatalieW]

I think its also a big thing for me, they are meant to be the breadwinner and the one who fathers the child, if they can;t they feel they have let us down. It's also a pride thing..

 

[Pumpkinb]

Hiya

Our situation was the reverse. I am 27 and my hubby is 33, before we married we knew he was ready for kids there and then but I felt too young and not ready for the responsibility at all.....we agreed before we married to wait 5 years and then try.....hubby backed off and we have been fine.....however 3 years down the line and I now feel ready and more mature in myself to bring a baby into the world (see ticker!), when I told hubby I think he was shocked but happy (nervous as well, as the time had finally come sooner that expected!)
I guess my point is best not to hassle him, he may surprise you like I did with my hubby and be ready sooner than he says....the time really has to be right for both of you....you have your marriage to think of too

 

[buffycat]

hello....we're a good bunch of listeners, so feel free to tell us your your worries...

i've just turned 30, and we've been married for 7 years........i always remember a very good piece of advice that someone close gave to us before we got married....."once you have a baby, you can never go back to just the two of you". I don't think we meant to leave it 7 years, but we have had wonderful times, just us two. I've had a few health issues during the last 7 years too, so that probably hasn't helped us.....

but we are ready and trying now........but i am also getting very impatient!

welcome to bnb though!

luv & hugs

 

[Reedy]

Thank you for all your replies. I know I have got to drop it now else I'll feel like he is only saying yes bcus I've pressured him which is so not something I want.
I think I was kind of hoping he would say 'I agree lets try for a baby' so was upset that what he said wasnt what I wanted to hear x

 

[NatalieW]

give him time... mine came out of the blue last year while watching TV!!!

 

[buffycat]

give him time... mine came out of the blue last year while watching TV!!!

what was on TV when he came out with it ??!?

 

[NatalieW]

battlestar galactica... it was so out of the blue literally.. think cos he has a 1 year old nephew now!!!

 

[Sambatiki]

Hi Reedy,

I defo know what you mean by the age thing!!! Im 26 and I know many people will say Im still young, I would like to have a couple of kids before Im 35.

I would say to try and enjoy being newly weds for a while.

Good luck hun and welcome to the MAD HOUSE

Kerry

 

[Sinead]

Hi
My dh was exactly the same - he refused to even consider ttc until he was 30, but as I am 2 1/2 years older than him it was really difficult to wait. We started ttc on his 30th b'day.
Good luck for when you do starting trying for your baby xxxx

 

[buffycat]

ah battlestar galactica, my OH is a bit of a fan of that as well....

 

[Sambatiki]

Sinead - Good luck TTC!!!

 

[LeaArr]

give him time... mine came out of the blue last year while watching TV!!!

That happened to one of my friends too She and her DF had decided that they weren't going to have kids at all, ever. She was kinda saddened by that, but figured in a few years he would change his mind. Anyway, they were sitting on the couch, and he looked at her and said "we should have a baby, but we need to buy a home first" He called the real estate agent right away and they are moving into their new home this weekend. They are still going to wait a year to get pregnant though. He is starting to call their savings the "baby savings". It's so cute. I am so excited for them.

 

[LeaArr]

As you can see from the story I posted above, sometimes it just clicks with guys and they decide, boom, "I want a baby" You have to trust that your DH and you are on the same page with the having a family thing. I am pretty sure the big 3-0 may get to him.

My DH and I have been married for just over a year, and when we got married, we both agreed that we were going to wait a few years. Give us some "us" time before it was "them time" iykwim. Then, I sat down and talked with him and said that I couldn't wait that long, that I wanted to have a baby or two BEFORE I turned 30. He then changed his mind and said that we could "reevaluate in February." in April, I thought I was pregnant. I was heartbroken when the arrived. When I thought I was, I ran numbers by him, and he thought about it for a while and said "if you aren't now, can we wait til September?" It was awesome. I am telling you this cause stories like this happen all the time, and I'm sure your DH will want to start to try soon. Boys are just strange about this stuff.

 

[Chris77]

Welcome Reedy!

WTTC is sooo hard! I've been married for 14 months and have been wanting a baby since we got engaged.....so 3 years now. I'm turning 31 this year so I share your age concern - even more of a concern for me because I hear fertility decreases from the age of 30. DH and I will (finally!) be TTC in August.

Since DH isn't ready yet, why don't you go on that holiday?? It'll do you good and having fun will help keep your mind of a

Big Hang in there!!

 

[doc123]

Hey Reedy... Welcome!!!I'm in a similar situation as a newlywed- we got married 2 months ago...but my urge to ttc is totally there!!!! I TOTALLY get where you are coming from...but we've had loads of friction from family with wedding etc so we've had to work through one heck of a lot of stuff...

I spoke to my cousin and she had a honeymoon baby which was a bit of a shock for them. and i think although she loves her two kids now i think she wishes she had waited to get some career stuff sorted and spend more time with each other before the babies...who knows what is the right way to do it?? I think mens expectations arent in line with womens usually....

Its such a tough call.. my hubby really has found this transition since the wedding tough and i've never cried so much in my whole life over babies and all the other issues plus you always have that burning 'i need a new project' feeling after focusing so much time and energy on the wedding itself. BUT we've needed to go through it as my hubby said he wanted to wait years after we got married and within a few weeks he has totally changed his position and is keen to go for it.. for him it was about pride-providing for me financially and making sure everything was ready for us to do it. What he hadnt banked on is the way i feel about family and that no time is the best time.. life it short and we have a good life and kinda need to get on with it...

Dont make the mistake ive made about it becoming a bit of a battleground.. it was only when i backed off we both got perspective and have managed to work around it...and i've worked through my jealousy issues with my nephews birth this week....

You have plenty of time to work through it.. just enjoy each other and make time for each other and it will all fall into place for you when the time is right whenever that may be...

Sending - youll figure it out...and before you know it you'll be posting all sorts of stuff up here and stressing over when to test, and eventually a and

Everyone here is amazingly supportive.. enjoy the journey!

 

[Caroline]

Hi Reedy, and welcome, I'm not such a regular recently, as I'm working a lot towards exams @ present, but often drop in every now & again to catch up, but rarel get time to post, just read & run.

My OH and I mey youny he was 17, I was 18. We were together along time before we married, due to University & me finishing my training.

Once married I surprised my self and started getting very broody. OH said he wanted to be nearer to family, so I get a new job & we moved 300 miles away back to family.
Once settled I broached the subject again and was a little reluctant although deep down I knew he wanted children. In the end , I said to him I'm coming off the pill & if you don't want to get me pg, you will have to sort it.

I was concerned how long it would take ttc as my gran took 7 years b4 she fell pg with my mum, and my mum was a couple of years b4 she fell pg with me.

He agreed to ttc & I came off the pill and fell pg straight away. ( I was 26, 27 a couple of months after ds was born).

When ttc no 2 I was 29 and anxious as they say your fertility can decrease from 30. My GP said I wouldn't necessarily conceive so qucik a 2nd time, so told DH. We decided to try for no2, came of pill and again fell pg straight away. DD was born 2 months before I was 30.

Couple of years ago we were undecided about whther to have any more ( well I was, DH was more for it), but decision was taken out of our hands when I fell pg (i was 32).

I'm sure your OH will come around to the idea of children. The waiting is unbearable.
We are wanting to emmigrate, so ttc no 4 is out the window, ossibly permanently, which does make me sad. I'm still hoping that we can maybe try once my exams are done & I'm job hunting/ waitng for visas etc.

Its tough though, there are so many mums pg at the moment , DS best friends mum is due twins shortly, and boy do I get broody @ times.

Thought I would share my story with you all. I'm sort of in this section but will be wttc for some time.

I wish you all luck, and hopefully, you will start on your exciting journey of ttc soon. I wish you all a smooth journey and that your BFP arrive quickly.

I will keep checking up to see how you arte all doing, but don't normally get much time to post

Good Luck & Best wishes to you all.