WP0609
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- Dec 16, 2013
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Hello. My IVF journey has been a whirlwind and not entirely what I expected. Now, I feel like my emotions are all over the place and I have so many questions and no one to really talk to about it. My husband is very supportive but I know he doesn't completely understand how I feel and it's his first time going through this experience too so I think he's just as lost.
Here's a little background. I have PCOS. My gyno put me on clomid and we got pregnant on the third round but I have a MMC at 9 weeks in December 2013. We saw the baby's heart beat at 6 weeks but when we went back at 8+2, the baby had stopped growing at 6+3 and no longer had a heartbeat. I had a d&c three days later.
A few months later (March 2014), my gyno put me back on clomid. We got pregnant the first month trying again. At 5 weeks, I woke up bleeding. After a series of bloodwork, a week later (6 weeks along) we were told I was having another miscarriage. However, I didn't have any of the typical symptoms of a miscarriage so a week later (7 weeks) they brought me in for an ultrasound and more bloodwork. Turns out that it was an ectopic pregnancy so the next day I had a round of methotrexate. A week later (8 weeks), my levels hadn't dropped enough so they gave me a second shot of methotrexate. A week later (9 weeks), I went back and they said my levels were dropping and they cleared me to go on a vacation to Paris, France. I arrived in Paris on a Friday. We were in the hospital by midnight Saturday night and I had surgery at 5am Sunday morning to remove my left tube and the pint of blood in my abdomen.
Upon returning home, we left that doctor and began seeing a RE. The RE did and HSG and everything with my uterus and right tube looked fine. She put me back on Clomid. We did two months with no success so she suggested we try Clomid with IUI. We did three months of that with no success so we met again and she recommended IVF (Dec 2014).
Because of my PCOS and an AMH level of 14, they put me on an antagonist protocol. So, two weeks later (Jan. 20), I went in for my baseline ultrasound and we moved forward with the process. I stimmed for 7 days using Follistim and then added Ganirelix. My estrogen levels were high (5,055) by trigger day so they had me trigger with Lupron. I had my Egg Retrieval last Thursday (Jan 29, 2015). They retrieved 43 eggs and said my ovaries were (obviously) enlarged. Therefore, they cancelled my fresh transfer because they were afraid of OHSS. I was upset but I tried to remind myself that I knew it was for the best. They said I could call when I get/got my period and we could move forward with a FET. I haven't had any symptoms of OHSS and feel really good. Well, 6 days post retrieval, I started having some spotting which was starting to pick up so I assumed it was my period. So, I called the doctor and went in yesterday (Feb 5) for an ultrasound and bloodwork. On ultrasound my ovaries were back to a normal size but they said my estrogen levels were slightly higher than they would have expected and my progesterone levels were a 2.2. The nurse said that she thinks I'm experiencing "breakthrough bleeding" and that this isn't really a period. I admit that it's not like a normal period, it's remained very light. But no one warned me that this could happen and now I just feel lost. I don't know if this is a period or if it is breakthrough bleeding or if it's just light and will eventually turn into a period? The nurse says she thinks that this bleeding will eventually stop and once my progesterone drops to 0 that I will get a true period and I can call back then. But, what if this bleeding doesn't stop? What if it just continues until I get a "true" period?
This whole process has been so emotionally hard. I felt so optimistic during the stimming and retrieval and even after. But now that this is happening I just feel confused. I'm afraid because my body is being weird that were going to have to wait for my next cycle and with my PCOS, that could take 2-3 months to come. I hate the waiting! I felt ok before because I felt like I was doing something to work towards our goal, the waiting drives me crazy because I feel like I'm not doing anything! I'm just so frustrated.
Unfortunately, that frustration and disappointment presents in very unattractive ways. I have so much anger towards pregnant friends. We know one couple that tried for four months and got pregnant and is due at the end of this month. She complained to me that it "took forever to get pregnant and they even had to use ovulation sticks". It made me so upset! We've been trying for almost two years! I would have done anything to try for only 4 months and would much rather have to use ovulation sticks then go through IVF! I get that they don't understand what I feel or what I'm going through but it doesn't make it less upsetting.
Sorry this is such a long post. I think part of me was just looking for an outlet. But, also wondering if anyone else has had similar experience? How soon after egg retrieval did you get a period? Did you have breakthrough bleeding before? How soon were you able to do a FET? What did you do to make the waiting less agonizing? I just feel like I'm so done and just need some support from someone that truly understands...
Here's a little background. I have PCOS. My gyno put me on clomid and we got pregnant on the third round but I have a MMC at 9 weeks in December 2013. We saw the baby's heart beat at 6 weeks but when we went back at 8+2, the baby had stopped growing at 6+3 and no longer had a heartbeat. I had a d&c three days later.
A few months later (March 2014), my gyno put me back on clomid. We got pregnant the first month trying again. At 5 weeks, I woke up bleeding. After a series of bloodwork, a week later (6 weeks along) we were told I was having another miscarriage. However, I didn't have any of the typical symptoms of a miscarriage so a week later (7 weeks) they brought me in for an ultrasound and more bloodwork. Turns out that it was an ectopic pregnancy so the next day I had a round of methotrexate. A week later (8 weeks), my levels hadn't dropped enough so they gave me a second shot of methotrexate. A week later (9 weeks), I went back and they said my levels were dropping and they cleared me to go on a vacation to Paris, France. I arrived in Paris on a Friday. We were in the hospital by midnight Saturday night and I had surgery at 5am Sunday morning to remove my left tube and the pint of blood in my abdomen.
Upon returning home, we left that doctor and began seeing a RE. The RE did and HSG and everything with my uterus and right tube looked fine. She put me back on Clomid. We did two months with no success so she suggested we try Clomid with IUI. We did three months of that with no success so we met again and she recommended IVF (Dec 2014).
Because of my PCOS and an AMH level of 14, they put me on an antagonist protocol. So, two weeks later (Jan. 20), I went in for my baseline ultrasound and we moved forward with the process. I stimmed for 7 days using Follistim and then added Ganirelix. My estrogen levels were high (5,055) by trigger day so they had me trigger with Lupron. I had my Egg Retrieval last Thursday (Jan 29, 2015). They retrieved 43 eggs and said my ovaries were (obviously) enlarged. Therefore, they cancelled my fresh transfer because they were afraid of OHSS. I was upset but I tried to remind myself that I knew it was for the best. They said I could call when I get/got my period and we could move forward with a FET. I haven't had any symptoms of OHSS and feel really good. Well, 6 days post retrieval, I started having some spotting which was starting to pick up so I assumed it was my period. So, I called the doctor and went in yesterday (Feb 5) for an ultrasound and bloodwork. On ultrasound my ovaries were back to a normal size but they said my estrogen levels were slightly higher than they would have expected and my progesterone levels were a 2.2. The nurse said that she thinks I'm experiencing "breakthrough bleeding" and that this isn't really a period. I admit that it's not like a normal period, it's remained very light. But no one warned me that this could happen and now I just feel lost. I don't know if this is a period or if it is breakthrough bleeding or if it's just light and will eventually turn into a period? The nurse says she thinks that this bleeding will eventually stop and once my progesterone drops to 0 that I will get a true period and I can call back then. But, what if this bleeding doesn't stop? What if it just continues until I get a "true" period?
This whole process has been so emotionally hard. I felt so optimistic during the stimming and retrieval and even after. But now that this is happening I just feel confused. I'm afraid because my body is being weird that were going to have to wait for my next cycle and with my PCOS, that could take 2-3 months to come. I hate the waiting! I felt ok before because I felt like I was doing something to work towards our goal, the waiting drives me crazy because I feel like I'm not doing anything! I'm just so frustrated.
Unfortunately, that frustration and disappointment presents in very unattractive ways. I have so much anger towards pregnant friends. We know one couple that tried for four months and got pregnant and is due at the end of this month. She complained to me that it "took forever to get pregnant and they even had to use ovulation sticks". It made me so upset! We've been trying for almost two years! I would have done anything to try for only 4 months and would much rather have to use ovulation sticks then go through IVF! I get that they don't understand what I feel or what I'm going through but it doesn't make it less upsetting.
Sorry this is such a long post. I think part of me was just looking for an outlet. But, also wondering if anyone else has had similar experience? How soon after egg retrieval did you get a period? Did you have breakthrough bleeding before? How soon were you able to do a FET? What did you do to make the waiting less agonizing? I just feel like I'm so done and just need some support from someone that truly understands...
