Dannypop
Mom to Danny and Jack
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DS1 was born via Csection due to baby's head not engaging and my cervix refusing to dilate (nobody could even FIND my cervix). After having my VBAC I am convinced that if I had waited it out and not followed the midwife's advice DS1 would have been born naturally. I say this because my second labour went exactly the same as my first, except this time I stayed home for longer and only went in to hospital when my contractions really started to come on strong.
Monday 7th October 2013
Woke at 3am to what felt like the start of contractions. Began timing them just to see if a rhythm was developing yet. They seemed to be coming every 10 minutes and were very mild but noticeable. The excitement made me lie there till 6.30am timing them.
As the morning began I packed my hospital bag and set off to my parents house to see how the day progressed with what I hoped was the start of labour. Throughout the day, every 10 minutes or so, the cramps were there. To the hour, this was going just as it had with DS1.
By the afternoon the contractions started becoming less regular and stopped altogether for a half hour at a time as I got on with my day. Eventually at 3pm I lay down in bed and cried with frustration as they seemed to have completed fizzled out. The exact same pattern happened with my first labour. Before it even had a chance to gain momentum, it petered out. I didn't know that this was totally normal.
When I woke from a nap at 4pm the cramps were back and feeling stronger. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but that couldn't be helped, and so I kept an eye on their regularity.
By 7pm they seemed to be back on track. I had a feeling as we had dinner that I would be going in to the hospital that night. As we got to bed I felt that things were picking up a bit so I headed to the lounge to wait it out. By 11pm the contractions seemed to be taking on a solid rhythm and getting quite sore. They were also now lasting 60 seconds and coming every 5 minutes. Enough to make me call my parents to fetch DS1 so DH and I could go to the hospital. As I picked up the phone to call my mom I noticed that the contractions were now coming either every 5, 8 and sometimes only every 10 minutes again. I knew if I went to hospital they were likely to start wearing off but they were still sore enough to allow me the hope that perhaps something was actually happening.
My parents arrived and took DS1 home with them. As we got in the car the contractions stopped. Still, we went through to the hospital and I asked the midwife there to check me out. I answered with a disappointed no that my waters had not gone and I hadn't lost my mucus plug. She examined me and said she could actually find my cervix and that although it was still very high and posterior it was slowly beginning to efface. I was so encouraged by her attitude and positivity, especially when she said it can't regress now and only move forward and start to dilate. Even though baby's head was not putting enough pressure on the cervix which explained why the contractions were coming irregularly, his head was at least able to move in and out of my pelvis but she couldn't see why it wasn't locking in yet. While this was very similar to my first labour I was somehow not perturbed as at least this time my cervix was accessible!
She suggested going home to labour there in comfort and said not to feel silly if I came back in half an hour. I was so exhausted already from having been awake for almost 24 hours and was desperate to try sneak in a sleep in between the pains, but knew I had to stay mobile to get the labour into the next gear.
The midwife had recommended I walk around a lot. At home I found a comfy position bending over the arm of the couch that is supposed to help get baby down into the pelvis and with pillows supporting me I managed to rest a bit in that pose, rocking from side to side for the next 90 minutes while timing my contractions. They were getting stronger but still having an irregular pattern so I gave in for a bit and decided to lie down and get comfy. Just for a little bit ...
I was vaguely aware of dozing off between the contractions from 2 until about 3am when they suddenly cranked up into a serious gear that had me jump up and tell DH we needed to go back to the hospital. The pain was so bad I was unable to walk or stand or talk and the only thing that even vaguely helped was literally screaming through them. The sound came out of me like an animal -I wasn't screaming -my body was doing it all on its own!
In the 3 minute trip to the hospital I screamed all the way just like in the movies -for some reason I had really wanted the "screaming in the car" experience as in my head this was part and parcel of what was supposed to happen when in labour. No birth experience was quite complete without it
The midwife saw me and the look on her face as she jumped up was a knowing one; it said: Your Labour Is Beginning. Back in the room she examined me and I was 2cm dilated. I couldn't believe it. But my euphoria was diluted somewhat when she said baby's head was still somehow not moving down onto my cervix and he had now actually spun round and was lying back to back with me which she said makes for a trickier fit into the pelvis. She thought baby was just trying desperately to figure his way into my pelvis but couldn't yet. However she was still so encouraging and her whole demeanor gave me such hope.
I was now dilated enough to have an epidural which meant that I could labour without pain and just lie there and let time try and sort out moving things along. I asked the midwife if she thought it a good idea as I didn't want to do anything to jeapordise my VBAC. She agreed that this seemed a sensible way to continue with things and informed my Gynae. The anesthetist seemed to arrive so quickly and I managed to get through the few contractions without screaming too loudly even though it was pain I could never have even imagined. By 4am he had started my epidural and it was done without hassle.
The next midwife came on duty at 7am and I warmed to her immediately. She had that same confidence that everything would work out easily with the birth. No questions asked
All there was to do was lie there until my Gynae came to do his rounds at 8am. When he arrived I told him that the first midwife had been worried about baby's head position. He laughed away the concern immediately and said his head is putting perfect pressure on my cervix so there really is not much else to it. I was 3cm and he seemed absolutely satisfied with my status. He then broke my waters to get the contractions going more vigorously and said he would pop by again at 11.30. He told me I was now in what he would say was active labour. He was so chilled.
DH left to go home and relax a bit (oh how tiring it is for them) while my mom spent time with me. When I was next examined at 11.30am, my Gynae said that I was at 5cm. He would be back at 2pm and expected me to be fully dilated by 4.30pm. He left and DH came back.
At 12.30 I called the midwife as I was feeling strong contractions again and thought the epidural was starting to wear off. She said my legs were still numb so it must be pushing pains. I couldn't believe the intensity of the pain felt through the epidural. She examined me and said I was fully dilated so we could get ready for the pushing stage. I was astounded that I had taken only 1 hour to dilate from 5cm to 10cm. It was news that couldn't penetrate through my shock and elation.
The midwife did a jiggle-dance around the room saying it was almost time for baby to arrive and her energy and conviction that my baby would be coming out the way I so desperately wanted was an injection of euphoria. She started getting the crib ready and all the instruments and equipment for the delivery. It was at this point that I started to cry with absolute joy. I could not believe I was one last step away from delivering right in that room. From getting my dream.
She told me baby's head had still not come down fully so we just had to wait for that. I asked if there was a chance it wouldn't come down and how long it could take. She looked at me without a single ounce of concern and replied that of course this baby was coming soon. I think her words were "Yes, we're gonna have a baaaaaby. Let's get ready to push soon soon mommy!"
My Gynae was called and said he would be there soon. But by 2.20pm he still hadn't arrived and I was having to hold onto the railing of the bed because of the strength of the contractions I could somehow feel through the anesthetic. At 2.30pm as I was about to start losing it slightly with the pain he burst through the doors.
He then put on his serious face and took me through the process of what needed to happen. He explained that the head had to come down below the spines of the pelvis. Even though I absorbed that what he was letting me know was that we weren't plain sailing yet, he delivered the news in such a way that there was no undertone of doubt as to my vaginal delivery and that we just had to crack on with things. The subtext that anything could still "go wrong" with a Cesar as the end result was somehow not what he was alluding to or letting me think even though I knew this could still be the case.
He told DH and the midwife where to support my legs and I attempted my first push. It felt like I was doing a silly, ineffective push in my throat and that none of it was channeling into the right area. But my team of 3 were cheering me on the whole time, saying how brilliantly I was doing, which told me I was actually somehow doing it right.
Just when I thought I couldn't possibly have any breath left for more push, my Gynae would tell me to push more. It felt impossible. I still thought all efforts would have to soon be abandoned and that I would have to have a Cesar any minute.
After about 4 sets of pushes my Gynae got the ventouse machine attached and carefully took the midwife through the steps of setting it up. She then turned to DH and asked if he needed a chair as he looked like he was going to pass out. She was so concerned about him that I had to remind her that I was the focus and that he was fine. Even my Gynae told the two of them to get their focus back!
I then waited for my next contraction and continued what I still felt was utterly ineffective pushing. My face was screwed so tight that I felt I may burst blood vessels in my nostrils. Or eyes. When my Gynae told me that I could rest and that after the next push baby would be here I asked if the head was out yet. I couldn't believe it when he took my hand and let me feel my baby's wet, warm little head. He moved my hand to his tiny ear and I started giggling with absolute disbelief and amazement. I had done it!
I felt under no pressure for getting the next push right. Everyone was joking and relaxed. Once his shoulders came out, the emotional surge that accompanied the physical relief and sense of release as the rest of his body slid out was so astounding and intoxicating I shook with the power of it all. Jack was born at 2.40pm.
As they handed my baby to me straight onto my chest and I felt the slightly sticky but perfectly warm body against my skin I began to compute the enormity of what I had managed to accomplish. My dream had just come true. The midwife towel dried him off and he began crying while on my chest.
With DS1 I never felt like I had given birth. My baby was operated out of me. With DS2 I feel like I can actually say I gave birth to him. Either way I have 2 incredible, healthy children but even 3 months after his birth I know that I needed this experience. It was a rite of passage that has made me feel complete. I want a third child just so I can do that all again!
Thanks for reading such a long story!
Monday 7th October 2013
Woke at 3am to what felt like the start of contractions. Began timing them just to see if a rhythm was developing yet. They seemed to be coming every 10 minutes and were very mild but noticeable. The excitement made me lie there till 6.30am timing them.
As the morning began I packed my hospital bag and set off to my parents house to see how the day progressed with what I hoped was the start of labour. Throughout the day, every 10 minutes or so, the cramps were there. To the hour, this was going just as it had with DS1.
By the afternoon the contractions started becoming less regular and stopped altogether for a half hour at a time as I got on with my day. Eventually at 3pm I lay down in bed and cried with frustration as they seemed to have completed fizzled out. The exact same pattern happened with my first labour. Before it even had a chance to gain momentum, it petered out. I didn't know that this was totally normal.
When I woke from a nap at 4pm the cramps were back and feeling stronger. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but that couldn't be helped, and so I kept an eye on their regularity.
By 7pm they seemed to be back on track. I had a feeling as we had dinner that I would be going in to the hospital that night. As we got to bed I felt that things were picking up a bit so I headed to the lounge to wait it out. By 11pm the contractions seemed to be taking on a solid rhythm and getting quite sore. They were also now lasting 60 seconds and coming every 5 minutes. Enough to make me call my parents to fetch DS1 so DH and I could go to the hospital. As I picked up the phone to call my mom I noticed that the contractions were now coming either every 5, 8 and sometimes only every 10 minutes again. I knew if I went to hospital they were likely to start wearing off but they were still sore enough to allow me the hope that perhaps something was actually happening.
My parents arrived and took DS1 home with them. As we got in the car the contractions stopped. Still, we went through to the hospital and I asked the midwife there to check me out. I answered with a disappointed no that my waters had not gone and I hadn't lost my mucus plug. She examined me and said she could actually find my cervix and that although it was still very high and posterior it was slowly beginning to efface. I was so encouraged by her attitude and positivity, especially when she said it can't regress now and only move forward and start to dilate. Even though baby's head was not putting enough pressure on the cervix which explained why the contractions were coming irregularly, his head was at least able to move in and out of my pelvis but she couldn't see why it wasn't locking in yet. While this was very similar to my first labour I was somehow not perturbed as at least this time my cervix was accessible!
She suggested going home to labour there in comfort and said not to feel silly if I came back in half an hour. I was so exhausted already from having been awake for almost 24 hours and was desperate to try sneak in a sleep in between the pains, but knew I had to stay mobile to get the labour into the next gear.
The midwife had recommended I walk around a lot. At home I found a comfy position bending over the arm of the couch that is supposed to help get baby down into the pelvis and with pillows supporting me I managed to rest a bit in that pose, rocking from side to side for the next 90 minutes while timing my contractions. They were getting stronger but still having an irregular pattern so I gave in for a bit and decided to lie down and get comfy. Just for a little bit ...
I was vaguely aware of dozing off between the contractions from 2 until about 3am when they suddenly cranked up into a serious gear that had me jump up and tell DH we needed to go back to the hospital. The pain was so bad I was unable to walk or stand or talk and the only thing that even vaguely helped was literally screaming through them. The sound came out of me like an animal -I wasn't screaming -my body was doing it all on its own!
In the 3 minute trip to the hospital I screamed all the way just like in the movies -for some reason I had really wanted the "screaming in the car" experience as in my head this was part and parcel of what was supposed to happen when in labour. No birth experience was quite complete without it
The midwife saw me and the look on her face as she jumped up was a knowing one; it said: Your Labour Is Beginning. Back in the room she examined me and I was 2cm dilated. I couldn't believe it. But my euphoria was diluted somewhat when she said baby's head was still somehow not moving down onto my cervix and he had now actually spun round and was lying back to back with me which she said makes for a trickier fit into the pelvis. She thought baby was just trying desperately to figure his way into my pelvis but couldn't yet. However she was still so encouraging and her whole demeanor gave me such hope.
I was now dilated enough to have an epidural which meant that I could labour without pain and just lie there and let time try and sort out moving things along. I asked the midwife if she thought it a good idea as I didn't want to do anything to jeapordise my VBAC. She agreed that this seemed a sensible way to continue with things and informed my Gynae. The anesthetist seemed to arrive so quickly and I managed to get through the few contractions without screaming too loudly even though it was pain I could never have even imagined. By 4am he had started my epidural and it was done without hassle.
The next midwife came on duty at 7am and I warmed to her immediately. She had that same confidence that everything would work out easily with the birth. No questions asked
All there was to do was lie there until my Gynae came to do his rounds at 8am. When he arrived I told him that the first midwife had been worried about baby's head position. He laughed away the concern immediately and said his head is putting perfect pressure on my cervix so there really is not much else to it. I was 3cm and he seemed absolutely satisfied with my status. He then broke my waters to get the contractions going more vigorously and said he would pop by again at 11.30. He told me I was now in what he would say was active labour. He was so chilled.
DH left to go home and relax a bit (oh how tiring it is for them) while my mom spent time with me. When I was next examined at 11.30am, my Gynae said that I was at 5cm. He would be back at 2pm and expected me to be fully dilated by 4.30pm. He left and DH came back.
At 12.30 I called the midwife as I was feeling strong contractions again and thought the epidural was starting to wear off. She said my legs were still numb so it must be pushing pains. I couldn't believe the intensity of the pain felt through the epidural. She examined me and said I was fully dilated so we could get ready for the pushing stage. I was astounded that I had taken only 1 hour to dilate from 5cm to 10cm. It was news that couldn't penetrate through my shock and elation.
The midwife did a jiggle-dance around the room saying it was almost time for baby to arrive and her energy and conviction that my baby would be coming out the way I so desperately wanted was an injection of euphoria. She started getting the crib ready and all the instruments and equipment for the delivery. It was at this point that I started to cry with absolute joy. I could not believe I was one last step away from delivering right in that room. From getting my dream.
She told me baby's head had still not come down fully so we just had to wait for that. I asked if there was a chance it wouldn't come down and how long it could take. She looked at me without a single ounce of concern and replied that of course this baby was coming soon. I think her words were "Yes, we're gonna have a baaaaaby. Let's get ready to push soon soon mommy!"
My Gynae was called and said he would be there soon. But by 2.20pm he still hadn't arrived and I was having to hold onto the railing of the bed because of the strength of the contractions I could somehow feel through the anesthetic. At 2.30pm as I was about to start losing it slightly with the pain he burst through the doors.
He then put on his serious face and took me through the process of what needed to happen. He explained that the head had to come down below the spines of the pelvis. Even though I absorbed that what he was letting me know was that we weren't plain sailing yet, he delivered the news in such a way that there was no undertone of doubt as to my vaginal delivery and that we just had to crack on with things. The subtext that anything could still "go wrong" with a Cesar as the end result was somehow not what he was alluding to or letting me think even though I knew this could still be the case.
He told DH and the midwife where to support my legs and I attempted my first push. It felt like I was doing a silly, ineffective push in my throat and that none of it was channeling into the right area. But my team of 3 were cheering me on the whole time, saying how brilliantly I was doing, which told me I was actually somehow doing it right.
Just when I thought I couldn't possibly have any breath left for more push, my Gynae would tell me to push more. It felt impossible. I still thought all efforts would have to soon be abandoned and that I would have to have a Cesar any minute.
After about 4 sets of pushes my Gynae got the ventouse machine attached and carefully took the midwife through the steps of setting it up. She then turned to DH and asked if he needed a chair as he looked like he was going to pass out. She was so concerned about him that I had to remind her that I was the focus and that he was fine. Even my Gynae told the two of them to get their focus back!
I then waited for my next contraction and continued what I still felt was utterly ineffective pushing. My face was screwed so tight that I felt I may burst blood vessels in my nostrils. Or eyes. When my Gynae told me that I could rest and that after the next push baby would be here I asked if the head was out yet. I couldn't believe it when he took my hand and let me feel my baby's wet, warm little head. He moved my hand to his tiny ear and I started giggling with absolute disbelief and amazement. I had done it!
I felt under no pressure for getting the next push right. Everyone was joking and relaxed. Once his shoulders came out, the emotional surge that accompanied the physical relief and sense of release as the rest of his body slid out was so astounding and intoxicating I shook with the power of it all. Jack was born at 2.40pm.
As they handed my baby to me straight onto my chest and I felt the slightly sticky but perfectly warm body against my skin I began to compute the enormity of what I had managed to accomplish. My dream had just come true. The midwife towel dried him off and he began crying while on my chest.
With DS1 I never felt like I had given birth. My baby was operated out of me. With DS2 I feel like I can actually say I gave birth to him. Either way I have 2 incredible, healthy children but even 3 months after his birth I know that I needed this experience. It was a rite of passage that has made me feel complete. I want a third child just so I can do that all again!
Thanks for reading such a long story!
