jealous of brother and sister in law even tho i have my own BFP!

[stephwills]

Hi all please give me some advice someone. or just let me know someone else has been through this. after 4 very long years ttc i had my bfp last week. oh and i are absolutley thrilled but cant quite believe it. oh told his younger brother today, his brother then gives him the news that his wife is expecting their first child a few weeks before us. i feel crushed. i wanted to be the centre of attention and to give his parents the first grandchild. the entire family is very competitive and and i really dont like his wife after she betrayed me earlier this year. i know i should just be happy for us but they have only been trying two minutes and it feels like our struggle will be forgotten about now. please comment your thoughts. baby dust to all xxx

 

[babyhopes2010]

i dont see the big deal itll be nice for the cousins to be the same age

 

[stephwills]

I've calmed down a bit now. But still a bit disappointed. I don't really get on with them so it may be a bit awkward but I suppose my little one will always have a friend.

 

[gsdowner1]

Although I am not pregnant yet my little sister got pregnant earlier this year unexpectidly... she is 19 years old and to me she is still a baby herself.. i was crushed when I found out because me and my hubby have been ttc for a long time and i am the oldest therefore in my mind i wanted to give my parents their 1st grandbaby too. But God had other plans apparently, so the feelings that you are feeling are ligit and ok, but i had to learn to accept it as it was and move on I mean I couldn't ignore the fact that i am going to be a new auntie and i decided that i am going to give that baby all of my love even tho it wasnt in "my timing". Your struggles will not be forgotten i am sure... and just think of how many people you can encourage and help by sharing your heartache...that turned into a miricle!! Hang in there!! Congrats on you becoming pregnant!!!

 

[babyhopes2010]

i was ttc for a long time. i think id just be happy i was pregnant

 

[mjemma]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I can understand your frustration but think how much worse you would feel if you weren't pregnant too. Plus just look at it like you are stealing a bit of her thunder instead!

 

[rjm09]

Hi all please give me some advice someone. or just let me know someone else has been through this. after 4 very long years ttc i had my bfp last week. oh and i are absolutley thrilled but cant quite believe it. oh told his younger brother today, his brother then gives him the news that his wife is expecting their first child a few weeks before us. i feel crushed. i wanted to be the centre of attention and to give his parents the first grandchild. the entire family is very competitive and and i really dont like his wife after she betrayed me earlier this year. i know i should just be happy for us but they have only been trying two minutes and it feels like our struggle will be forgotten about now. please comment your thoughts. baby dust to all xxx

I can kinda sympathize what you're going through.

DH's brother is in the marines,met and married his wife, and i've never met her. DH did when they were up for a short visit and i happen to be at work. DH and his brother are extremely competitive at everything too. However, we have the first grandchild.Well, first with his family's last name. Now DH's brothers wife has a kid from a previous relationship, and the family then focused everything from our son, to theirs!

Then the news came of her becoming pregnant. His brother never knew of us ttc for 10 months. So when i found out, of course i was bummed. They have been apart most of their marriage, and just seemed like "darn, the only time they did end up together, she gets pregnant "

Well, now this previous kid of hers, is I believe 3 already. Our son will be 3 in a few months. The MIL told me she was giving them advice on pottytraining as our son has been pottytrained since 2 1/2. Telling them my thoughts and ideas on it.

Our son also has an extensive vocabulary. He even points out every car in the parking lot, and says what kind of car it is! lol! DH is a collision tech, so our son has a box full of emblems!

Seems like our son has his way of shining through, and getting the attention focused back on him It doesn't bother me one bit now if she has her kid 4 months before us. Besides, they live out of state now, and we live 7 minutes away from his folks (rolls eyes). I'd never be selfish in interrupting the time they do share together when they're up to visit.

It'll get easier

Your child will not be forgotten, nor your long journey to get there. Your new little bundle will find it's own way of being the center of attention

I'm always bummed hearing everyone around me getting pregnant before me, but i'm happy it's our turn.I won't let it get me down, don't let it get you down!

 

[stephwills]

Thanks mjemma and rjm09. I feel a lot better about things now. Just hope they dont steal any of our names or the pram we like lol xx

 

[rjm09]

Thanks mjemma and rjm09. I feel a lot better about things now. Just hope they dont steal any of our names or the pram we like lol xx

I actually had a really close friend who we haven't seen in probably a year. We knew she was pregnant with her second, heck, out first kids are only a few months apart, and they were together alot.

When she told me his name was Lucas, I told her I hope she didn't mind sharing the name if we had a boy. Before we even got married,(5yrs ago) we decided we wanted 2 kids. We had names planned for them whether boy or girl. I'm pretty sure we're having a girl this time However, if it's a boy, I have no problems sharing the name She don't either!

 

[Bettydraper]

Hi there - as someone looking through this section for some hope and an inspiration to keep going, this post made me a bit sad. I'm really happy that you got your BFP but I think you are poisoning your own happiness with such negativity. Maybe in the furture you'll feel differently? I hope so - H&H 9 months to you

 

[stephwills]

Hi there - as someone looking through this section for some hope and an inspiration to keep going, this post made me a bit sad. I'm really happy that you got your BFP but I think you are poisoning your own happiness with such negativity. Maybe in the furture you'll feel differently? I hope so - H&H 9 months to you

Thank u for ur honesty. I suppose you would a need to know the background of my 'family' to truly understand. I am so happy for myself but just feel like every step of my pregnancy and my child's life is going to be compared to their child and her pregnancy. I personally hate it when u can clearly see that parents have a favourite child, in this case my husband is the favourite and I've seen his brother being left out and second best because he was born second. It's awful. I just don't want that for my child as he/she will be the second born grand child. Obviously I will love them more than anything in the world but I just don't want them to feel they are second best in someone elses eyes. I have seen how much that can hurt someone. Baby dust to you xxx

 

[babyhopes2010]

i think ud get more of a response if u didnt post in sucess section as people are looking for inspiration and hope and they see it as ur just spoilt jealous.

only being honest


i know what ur saying about both being born nr same time and i completely get that specially as uv been ttc for 5yrs x

 

[readyformore]

Hi. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I don't have much advice, but I can sympathize. My sister-in-law and I were both pregnant at the same time. It was my second child and her first. She was due about 3 weeks before me. We told everyone when I was 7 weeks, but she had planned on waiting until the 12 week mark. As it turned out, I wasn't as far along, but eveyone in the family knew about my pregnancy first. She had gone through infertility for that baby, and having gone through primary infertility for my first as well, I felt just terrible. But there was nothing that I could do. I couldn't take the announcement back. I had inadvertantly stolen her thunder.

Fortunately, it didn't cause too much trouble. I didn't have a baby shower for that baby, so there was no conflict of interest there. I had a boy and she had a girl, so we didn't compete for names.

I hope your families are able to invest just as much time and effort for the first baby as they are for the second baby. I know that the thunder for my wedding got stolen by my cousin. Out of state family members came to his wedding, 2 months before mine, but they then couldn't travel to my wedding. He was divorced 1 year later and we've been married for 12. Oh well. I was upset about it at the time, that's for sure. Now, it doesn't really matter.

Even if your husband's family is overwhelmed with party planning for the other baby, hopefully your family well compensate.

One thing I would really suggest is that if you are worried about names, you don't tell a single person what your names are! Not even your best friend, (she will acccidentally post the potential name on facebook). If you fall in love with a name and you don't want someone else to take it, just say that you aren't sure yet. Or that you are going to make a list and decide after the baby is born. Or simply say that you aren't sharing. I know many people that have done this because people tend to give their input into the baby name, and it's not always supportive.
But, you do have to keep in mind that they might accidentally love the name as well, and use it. I have a co-worker that has 6 children. She and her husband both have really large families. She had renamed her last baby about 3 times prior to delivering simply because her extended family is so large, that someone else kept getting to that name first!

H&H 9 months!

 

[Feb4th2011]

I DO NOT see your post as you being spoiled jealous. SHEEESH! BnB is for venting your feelings and this is what the OP did.

I can totally relate with how your feeling, after trying for soo long you've had enough time to fantasize and dream of how everyone will react, what they will say, what they will do, how you will feel. Things not going the exact way, after so much heartache is sometimes hard to deal with. It does not make you a bad person, and to have these thoughts is completely normal.

So even though things aren't going the way you want... everything always works out the way it should My guess is that within a few weeks you will have a different perspective on everything. Anyone who knows of your difficulties LTTC will still be elated for you. Enjoy your celebrate and cherish everything about it! Have a happy and healthy 9 months!

I wish they had a section for LTTCers that finally get their BFP...

 

[Emmyxxlou]

I would be also be gutted in your situation
I would hate it if my sister in law to be fell pregnant in an instant after a struggle of getting pregnant. (Especially since I too dislike her lol)
You know I think your pregnancy will be most appreciated in the end because you have wanted it for so long and tried for so long everyone will be thrilled to meet your LO
+ yeah she will have her baby first and everyone will be giving her baby attention BUT your baby will be born and her child wont be the centre of attention anymore because everyone will be excited to meet your LO after a while everyone will give equal attention to both children
If she rubs it in your face that she will be having her baby first etc. Just ignore it, no one likes a try hard
P.s DO NOT under an circumstance share baby names lol.

 

[wifey29]

Hi all please give me some advice someone. or just let me know someone else has been through this. after 4 very long years ttc i had my bfp last week. oh and i are absolutley thrilled but cant quite believe it. oh told his younger brother today, his brother then gives him the news that his wife is expecting their first child a few weeks before us. i feel crushed. i wanted to be the centre of attention and to give his parents the first grandchild. the entire family is very competitive and and i really dont like his wife after she betrayed me earlier this year. i know i should just be happy for us but they have only been trying two minutes and it feels like our struggle will be forgotten about now. please comment your thoughts. baby dust to all xxx

I could have written this and totally understand where you're coming from. We finally fell pregnant after IVF and announced our pregnancy at Christmas, as did BIL and SIL. I initially felt exactly as you do. Annoyed and bitter that our thunder had been completely stolen after all that we had been through considering that they fell by accident. I realised after a few weeks of being confused about my feelings (I had my bfp, what was there to be annoyed about?), that I was feeling jealous because they were able to fall so easily, without thought, while we had to go to hell and back. I had been so looking forward to having the attention. It stung that their pregnancy was treated the same as ours yet they hadn't even tried for it. In my mind our IVF baby was more special, given that he shouldn't technically be here. Probably unreasonable of me, but you can't help your feelings.

It has taken time, but I am now happy that our son will have a cousin the same age and that we can go to baby groups together. It will be nice to have someone else to go through the first time mum issues and nerves with. Give it time, you will probably feel differently as your pregnancies progress.

Massive congratulations on your very special xx

 

[skittles82]

I feel for you.....I would be a little sad if I was in your situation too!!

 

[tattmum]

My husbad and I had tryed for 4 years before becoming pregnant unfortunatally i lost my Jacobi at 21 weeks gesgastion. After that it took another 3 1/2 years before we concieved again thank the lord he allowed me to have my miracle that was born at 30 weeks and 2 days. I know things can be fustrating but just be so happy this is a wonderful time for you and your husband.

 

[babyhopes2010]

happy 20 weeks xx

 

[babywishes101]

Ive been trying for 10 months. My brother told me that his wife was pregnant recently.
I was happy but bummed out. I mean really bummed out.
I spent night crying myself to sleep...sounds stupid i know.