Just a vent

[Wishfull]

Hello ladies
Im writing tonight almost feeling like a mad woman. I dont know whats happend to my mind. I feeling like i need to scream really loudly or something. Or just run, run as far away from everything as i can. But to where? where i dont know.
Since my m/c 5 weeks ago things were terrible initally after it. Me and other half split up got back together. And now were closer than ever. Were even happier than weve ever been. Not because we dont have our baby. Just because weve spoke about everything an he was scared he'd lost me.
The reason I think im feeling so down and lost its because and i dont want to sound bitter but no-one speaks about my m/c, no-one. Iv had someone say "Oh you liked to eat that when you were pregnant" and lots of how are you.I still dont think iv cryed enough. The first week i did then i ended up being the strong one for people as they felt so bad. I know that people wouldnt know what to say. Also its been 5 weeks so people i suppose wont think about it. But i think about losing my baby everyday. And i suppose it will be only me who remembers every little moment of everything.
Also my oh's cousin is pregnant and im finding that really hard to be around her. I feel so bitter towards her its knew bay this an new baby that. She already had a 1 year old an every one is always aw this an aw that. I love that wee boy to bits hes lovely. But i cant stop my self thinking horrible thoughts like why cant i have my baby. I put my make-up on everyday as a mask so that i dont have to cry. I think thats when it started i mean me keeping it all in.
I feel numb, lost, cold, cruel, and i dont really like what im becoming. I can feel a change in me. Especially with xmas coming up.
Lossing my baby changed me its made me look at things differntly.
Sorry for going on just needed a moan.
xxxxxxxxx

 

[Alexas Mommy]

 

[Tishimouse]

Hello honey,

I haven't experienced a loss like yours (I haven't been pregnant either I might add), so I can't really speak from experience.

I can recommend that you speak to someone though like a bereavement counsellor or your doctor. It's very important to be able to manage your emotions and if you partners is as upset as you, then it might be healthy to have someone else as well as him to speak to. It's such early days and everything must be so fresh in your mind that it's hard for anyone to give you comfort as it's so hard to know what to say. Also don't forget your hormones will not have settled down yet and we all know how unpredictable raging hormones can make us.

Keep sharing you emotions here though as there are so many wonderful girls here who have experienced a loss such as yours and they will know exactly what you are going through. You need to grieve and at least here is a place where you can speak about your little angel and try to find closure on things.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. So sorry for your loss

 

[tillymum]

Everything you have written I went through shortly after my first m/c in May.

I just want to give you a hug and say that it does gets easier as the months go by. I found it hard when I wanted to talk about it that others had brushed it under the carpet and moved on.

I am also so happy to hear you are back with you OH glad to hear things worked out.

 

[Rumpskin]

for you my darling.

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry your feeling like this.
If you need a friend, and want to scream and shout. Pm me

 

[Wishfull]

Hi Ladies thank you.
I had a good old cry last night and today. Well just now really cause other half just made me cry he bought me a beautiful white orchid. Thats what i wanted for me to remember my wee baby that i lost 5 weeks ago. I would be 16 weeks tomo. And getting that flower made me cry cause OH never buys me flowers for a start an for him to remember what id said, an went and got that for us. Made me cry cause also it felt like such a relief i mean i was over come with a feeling of relief and peace. As iv not got anything like scan pics or that to remember my little one. I feel glad he acknowledged that we lost our baby when i thought it was all brushed under the carpet for him.
Im about crying now cause im just so greatfull to him for letting me know he still thinks about our wee baby.
Take care ladies
All my love
xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[becky77]

glad your feeling a little better, i went through the same emotions about two weeks ago i thought i was having a break down or something i just felt so weird, and then i found out my neice was pregnant and just cried, but then all of a sudden i just felt stronger and more like me again, it is getting easier , but i will never forget may lo, but i am starting to accept it happened and it has made me realise how truly blessed i am to have my twin boys (although i dont think its possible to love them any more without my heart exploding). i am sure you will make a wonderful mum one day and i am praying 2009 will be that year for all of us.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

 

[morayo]

hang in there hun, i beleive over the weeks u'll get better and better and whne u get pg again, the memory will remain but it'll be a dull ache. i advice u channel ur energy towards ur newfound relationship with ur oh again. look on the bright sid eu still have eachother, and sweetheart u have a large family here at bnb to vent as much as u want so next time u feel a tantrum coming just pick up ur laptop or notebook and bring it on ...hugs