Just angry now

[jessrabbit]

I have been trying to hard to be reasonable with FOB.

Bit of history: We only had a very short fling and was a shock for both of us to find me pregnant. Not planned at all.

He did all the usual FOB things, asked me to get rid of it, said I was selfish for having it etc etc.

Anyway after he initially calmed down, he has been nothing but a let down since, seen me twice since we found out. I'm nearly six months now. Never came to any appointments or scans etc. I dont want him there for me, I just dont want him to miss out or to ever say that I didnt give him the opportunity to be involved.

In trying to do this, I have been included him in choosing LO's name, all he does though is reject my suggestions and never come up with any himself. I wanted to let him help so he could feel close to LO and more bonded with him.

Anyway the last straw for me was when I thought I had found the perfect name and he rejected it again. I lost it.

Just told him he cant just cherry pick the good stuff and not be there for any of the serious stuff and to sod off and leave me alone if he isnt going to take things seriously, told him he had six months to get used to the idea and LO will be here before he knows it.

He hasnt contacted me since, I text him to say I will see you after he is born then and heard nothing.

I'm not upset about it anymore, just angry on LO's behalf really. If he is going to behave like this now, I dont see how its going to be any different after LO comes along.

Good news is I am going to call LO whatever I want now, I am the one doing all the hard work, taking all the responsibility and making all of the hard decisions. So he can get stuffed, he wants to to name a baby he can carry one around for nine months and be treated like S**t the whole time.

FOBS!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the long rant people xx

 

[cluelessnow]

Sorry to hear what you're going through. He's an idiot.

I'm going through the same, nearly 6 months too.

FOB was just like that at the beginning, wanted me to terminate and then not interested. But I went to visit him and got him to pay for a 20 week scan because I was worried and after seeing LO moving around on the screen, he fell in love with LO. The sh!tty bit is first 3 months he didn't want LO but I thought he still wanted me but now he wants to be involved in LO's life but not mine. Ironic.

Hope things get better for you

 

[jessrabbit]

Hope it works out for you too.

mine said the same to me at one point, that he wants to be involved in Lo's life but wants nothing to do with me. I had to laugh and ask how the hell he thought that was going to work.

Think he thinks because he is the dad he can just take a newborn off its mum and have him whenever he wants.

I have tried so hard to give him every opportunity to get to know each other so he is not a stranger, but he cant understand it.

Best of luck to both of us xx

 

[dustbunny]

Hey... thank you so much for sharing your story as I don't feel so alone anymore. My situation is similar, especially with the name thing [he pays no interest and tells his mum who tells me he is annoyed I don't want the baby to have his surname!]. I also love and admire how strong you are and wish I could harvest some for me [not in a creepy way just didnt know how to phrase it better]. I'm actually going to take on your mindset, so refreshing, feels like a bulb has been lit up.

Good luck and hope you have a brilliant pregnancy!!

 

[SophiasMummy]

Youve just gotta think about you and the baby now, this is meant to be some of the happiest times of your life now, dont let FOB ruin it. Ive tried everything to get my LOs dad involved and he just chucked it back in my face and lied constantly, ive finally given up now it just not worth the stress. My LOs dad had no say in my babys name as far as I was concerned I grew her and gave birth to her all he did as donate sperm, if they want say in the name they need to make an effort and not have to be asked to do things like coming to scans etc

 

[teal]

What is it with fob's saying we're selfish for wanting to keep our babies! My ex said the same thing.

Sounds like you've been more than fair by considering his opinions on names I agree he shouldn't be able to just swan in for all the good things like names when you're dealing with absolutely everything.

xx

 

[jessrabbit]

Thanks all.

Same old pattern is happening, since I told him enough was enough, has come crawling back again wanting to see me. Says he is f**ing things up.

*sighs*

 

[cluelessnow]

Thanks all.

Same old pattern is happening, since I told him enough was enough, has come crawling back again wanting to see me. Says he is f**ing things up.

*sighs*

Glad it's looking up for you. Hope it stays that way. My FOB has been yo-yoing constantly, with us not together now and staying this way. It's just too stressful.

About baby names - maybe have the first name you want and FOB can choose the middle name but when it comes to surname everyone I speak to say I should use my surname (I'm in same situation as you). FOB doesn't want to be in my life so why not. Luckily FOB and I have managed to agree on some first names though we're not fixed yet and FOB seems okay with me using my surname so it's not too bad. I'd only use his surname if we got married and he wanted to stay with me for life. Otherwise, if FOB does a disappearing act any time during my LO's life, I don't want people asking LO why his surname is different from mine, reminding him every time of his absent FOB.

 

[jessrabbit]

I agree, told him he is having my surname he can chose the middle name and was trying to agree on something together for the first name, but thats not happening at the mo.

My mum got remarried when I was young and my dad wouldnt let me have my surname changed to match my mum, even though he didnt pay a penny towards us and hardly ever saw us. So I am very aware of what it would feel like for LO.

Havent decided if I am going to go yet, feel like I should for LO's sake but there is only so many let downs I can take and get the gut feeling this is the beginning of another let down xx

 

[jessrabbit]

Still undecided if I am going to meet him this week. Its been 5 days since I last heard of him, when he made the dramatic grand gesture of actually seeing me.

Considering I havent actually confirmed and he is on his last chance with me, I am a bit surprised he hasnt even bothered to contact me. But at the same time, I would rather he let me down now and sodded off completely so I can just get on with my life.

Decided I am calling LO what I want for his first name now, at the end of the day he never wanted him anyway and hasnt done anything to deserve having a say!

 

[jessrabbit]

just to update you may have read my thread after this one about 'dont know what I am doing' where I accidentally had a bit of bed time fun with him and kicked myself for it...

Well now he actually wants to come to a 4d scan with me in a couple of weeks. Think showing him the previous scan pics and the DVD of the gender scan may have woken him up to the fact that LO is going to be here soon (due three months today!)

Not going to get my hopes up too much, just want him to be a good dad. Stepping back and not bugging him out of frustration seems to have worked. fingers crossed, just want him involved for LO's sake, but only if he wants to be.