Just back from doctors - broke down at work and admit defeat!

[stardust22]

Hi Everyone,

I have just walked out of work (not literraly quit!!!)) but I work on a maternity ward and after my miscarriage in January, I have been back at work trying to cope with my loss and putting on a brave face and pretending I am fine. Well after weeks of this I finally lost it today. Just cried all day and even in front of a patient so I packed my things up and went to the doctors. I have now been signed off for 2 weeks and possibly more when I got back to her.

I feel guilty for this, I just wanted to be strong and try to get past all this but its impossible, I cant. I certainly tried for 6 weeks but now I have hit rock bottom and I have been given diazepam to calm me down.

Also, I have to ring my manager to explain my situation as she wasnt in today, I am nervous and worried about this, although she knows about my mmc, she hasnt asked me once how I was and even though my colleague had approached her 2 weeks ago and mentioned I wasnt coping and kept crying on the ward. I guess enough is finally enough.

I am about to pop this pill and go to bed, I know its not a solution but the anxiety is making me ill.

has anyone else been in this situation? can anyone help me?
x

 

[Rainbowpea]

Hi hun, so sorry that you've been feeling so bad. at least you have been to the docs now and hopefully they will be able to help. Don't worry about taking time off work, you need to heal and you need time and space to do that, especially with your job, that must be really hard.

Not been in your situation myself but I tell you I have felt close, and I'm sure many others have too. Hope things get better for you xx

 

[tinybutterfly]

i work in day care, constantly around babies and toddlers, feeding them, changing them, play with them...

i'm very glad that since my MC i've had several breaks (i'm a temp there),
i've been having a rought time lately as well, i would have been about halfway there,
it's getting to me that i don't have a bump and that i will not be preggers on my bday,
which is also mother's day in our country, it makes me depressed, have crying spells,
am mad at the world or i have a i-don't-care-attitude towards everything...
i'm now at home untill april and i think it's a blessing bc at work i'm confronted day after day,
not what i need

 

[nikileigh]

sorry for your loss!
i went to work a week after having my MC i am a nurse and work on a busy ward so i thought i had to go back! i was there 15 minutes before i broke down and got sent home. i went to the doctors and he gave me a month off! that was last year and it still isnt any easier everytime i see a mum and baby. You just need to have time to yourself to grieve!
x

 

[hb1]

Oh Stardust - I'd read on another thread where you mentioned working on the maternity ward and then I thought how hard that must be - I am not in the same position as you - I work in a large bank and although there are pg folks there it isn't quite literally thrown in your face as it will have been you - and your job is demanding in so many ways it is no wonder that you need this break - if your manager hasn't been supportive I don't see how that is right - it is they that should be worried not you - letting their people get to a point where medication is necessary can't look good on them - surely they could have given you a bit of compassionate leave before it got to that point or offered you a temp move to a different area - just while you were dealing with the most difficult time in your life.

Take this time to deal with your grief, time helps a lot.

We're all here to support you too

hx