Just barely pregnant after 13w loss

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by LuvallmyH, Jul 28, 2020.

  1. LuvallmyH

    LuvallmyH The 1 whom many call Mom

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    I got a bfp yesterday at 7dpo. Much clearer lines today. My emotions are all over the place. Part of me feels so positive about this pregnancy. Part of me is terrified. Any insight how to take it one day at a time? Enjoy just being pregnant for now? I know it’s silly to even be posting this as I am only 5 min pregnant, but this one just feels different. With the little boy I lost I knew from the moment the stick turned bfp something was wrong. We made it to just over 13w and passed all the genetic testing. I still knew.
     
  2. blessedmomma

    blessedmomma Well-Known Member

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    We had a very similar experience with our son we lost at 15 weeks. I always bled with pregnancies (up until recently when I found out what was wrong and corrected it) so when I bled with him it was somewhat normal. I bled much longer and much more than usual. I didn't get a positive until 12 dpo which is unusual for me. My hcg was doubling normally though. We were preparing to move across the country to another state where my dh took a great job. I went to the dr twice for hcg and hormone checks around 5-6 weeks. My progesterone was a little low and estrogen was low. My dr said that greatly increased miscarriage rates and to get to a dr in my new state immediately. Of course we had to wait a while for insurance to kick in after we got here. I had my first visit here at 10 weeks. I'm high risk anyway so they gave me a sonogram. I honestly wasn't sure if the baby would be alive or not. He was and measured perfect, perfect heartbeat. I went back in for bloodwork at around 13 weeks including nipt. We got the result he was a healthy boy. Two days later I had my next appt and they couldn't find his heartbeat on doppler. They decided to do a quick sono and discovered he had just passed very recently. He measured right on still so was within a day or so they said. I was completely devastated. And to top it all off we had just bought a house and had to go in the next day to sign our papers and move. It was all kind of a blur. I don't remember moving in. I had a week before going to the hospital to be induced. It took nearly 3 days to have him and was utterly heartbreaking. Lots and lots of praying and I literally almost died of blood loss, leaving me severely anemic. Then we had to leave him there to be sent to be cremated. His cord and placenta was sent for testing. He died of blood clots in his placenta and cord. There are so many horrible things that cross your mind. Did he suffer? Was he afraid? All just too much to take in my mind. I refuse to be comforted until I get to heaven and can hold him again, alive. Jesus knows this all too well. He was due in February, but born in September. So every year on his birthday we make a cake and pray Jesus cuddles him for us and tells him how much we love and miss him. I still cannot cry without thinking of him and I'm the least emotional person in the world, and that was in 2016. I had a blood clot in my arm from the iv of his birth so I was instructed to use baby aspirin until it dissolved. I was broken and everyone's words and well wishes did not help. I have had some horrendous things happen in my life and nothing even comes close to that time. I was depressed beyond explanation. While waiting for hcg to go down it would bounce around doing my head in. And then I had signs of impending ovulation. We used opks and when I got a positive I didn't even want to dtd even though I did want another. My husband talked me into it to try again. I got a very early bfp and while I was excited I was also scared. I was still raw. I hadn't even had a period in between. No closure had occurred. No healing had begun. But like any mother I'd fight for this new life. Part of me wanted a boy because surely I was to have a boy next. My dh reminded me I did have a boy next and this was new life to be grateful for no matter the gender. So much was different with her pregnancy. I didn't care about all the things I'd always cared about before. C section if needed? Fine. Maybe fail at breastfeeding? Fine. Didn't care about anything except making it to hold a live baby at the end. I stayed on my baby aspirin I was taking for the blood clot and had no bleeding whatsoever. The first step in my diagnoses of a blood clotting disorder that had taken him and almost took so many of my others. I always had blood clots in my pregnancies up until then that caused various problems. Exactly 20 weeks with my next baby was on his due date. Having her was the most I came to any kind of healing from his loss. Congratulations on this new gift of life. I'm praying for you hard! Been there. If you'd like to see pictures of my Brennon let me know. I have plenty. Your baby was close in age. Much love to you. And don't ever hesitate to talk to me about it. I don't think many understand, but I absolutely do. <3
     
    #2 blessedmomma, Jul 30, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2020
  3. LuvallmyH

    LuvallmyH The 1 whom many call Mom

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    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that. I know you know my whole story from my other thread.
    Interestingly I have been taking a baby aspirin everyday this time! Hopefully it helps this one in some way.
    Many many congrats to you on your newest pregnancy!
     
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  4. blessedmomma

    blessedmomma Well-Known Member

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    Thank you!
    I'd stay on the baby aspirin! Congratulations again and I'm praying for you, baby, and your family <3
     
    LuvallmyH likes this.
  5. Jesmia

    Jesmia Active Member

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    Congrats on your BFP! <3 And I'm so sorry for your loss.You too blessedmomma.

    I am 5 weeks pregnant after a MMC in February. I'm really scared to get excited, but my husband told me to enjoy it and we will deal with anything we have to later. It's hard but I'm trying. I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy xx
     
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  6. Rebaby

    Rebaby Mama to 2 boys

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    Congratulations! I understand that feeling completely, I think pregnancy after a loss is such a complicated thing. I'll be keeping everything crossed that this is your sticky bean :hugs2:
     
    LuvallmyH likes this.

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