miss h
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- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
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HI Ladies and gents,
I am feeling really stuck at the moment... apologies for the long post. It has been a bit of a nightmare year!!
I work full time as a receptionist (bit like a hotel reception). My shifts are 12 hours long and require me to work days and nights... always 6 - 6. I work something like 2 days on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off. I spend around 70% of my time lone working. My OH also works shifts so we often have months where we don't get a single day off together. Needless to say I am getting very lonely.
Before I took on this role (before I got pregnant) I was working mon-fri 8 to 5 in the office but was having real difficulties with a co worker who basically was bullying me. I alerted management but they were friends and was pretty much told to get on with it. I have Bipolar disorder and the manager was trying to hint that it was all in my head... it wasn't. When I was offered the reception position it meant getting out of her way and therefore jumped at it.
Our DD is now 15 months old and I am lucky that my dad lives just around the corner and can take care of her while we are at work. He is brilliant and has her over night a lot (depending on how our shifts fall). This can mean that while I am working I only get to see her for a maximum of 2 hours at a time... this is killing me.
I would like Jessica to go to nursery at least one day a week but I am finding it difficult to pay for it (and my dad for childcare). I am also loath to sign her up as it could mean a day that I don't get to spend with her twice a month. These days are so precious to me. I know this is selfish but I intend to sign her up after the wedding and just deal with my feelings.
My dad was recently diagnosed with early dementia (he's 63) and is currently undergoing tests to see what kind. My step mother was recently made redundant so is at home full time (at the moment) so this isn't yet a problem childcare wise. However, she is currently undergoing tests as they found a mass in her throat (yes, she's a smoker so could be nasty).
We are supposed to be getting married on 30th June so money is pretty tight at the moment. We wouldn't have done it yet except the MIL told us she would pay for the wedding then decided not to... after we had put down £100's of deposits that were non refundable. So we decided to go ahead. This is becoming a bit of a disaster as our wedding reception venue has just been shut down for being unsafe with 6 weeks till our wedding.... arrrg!
To top all that off our dog recently had to have a major op costing £2000 (thank goodness we have an emergency credit card) and will need ongoing treatment and a monthly diet costing us about £75 a MONTH!! Our insurance company screwed us over with him after he was diagnosed with epilepsy a few years ago and then pulled the policy.. no other company will now touch him unless we pay ridiculous premiums.
What I am getting to here is that I cannot afford to take a lower paid job or to go part time. My OH earns that bit too much for us to get any help. We have a mortgage that is fix rate for another 2 years so cannot risk loosing the house. I cannot go back into the office because of that woman that is if they will even consider my request (which is unlikely). I am applying for jobs all the time but have not even had an interview.
If things go bad with my dad and step mum then I will need to find childcare and god knows how i am going to afford it.
I am so, so stuck right now. I am worried, lonely and feel guilty constantly. I know this can't go on too much longer before I become ill again but I just don't know what to do.
I am feeling really stuck at the moment... apologies for the long post. It has been a bit of a nightmare year!!
I work full time as a receptionist (bit like a hotel reception). My shifts are 12 hours long and require me to work days and nights... always 6 - 6. I work something like 2 days on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off. I spend around 70% of my time lone working. My OH also works shifts so we often have months where we don't get a single day off together. Needless to say I am getting very lonely.
Before I took on this role (before I got pregnant) I was working mon-fri 8 to 5 in the office but was having real difficulties with a co worker who basically was bullying me. I alerted management but they were friends and was pretty much told to get on with it. I have Bipolar disorder and the manager was trying to hint that it was all in my head... it wasn't. When I was offered the reception position it meant getting out of her way and therefore jumped at it.
Our DD is now 15 months old and I am lucky that my dad lives just around the corner and can take care of her while we are at work. He is brilliant and has her over night a lot (depending on how our shifts fall). This can mean that while I am working I only get to see her for a maximum of 2 hours at a time... this is killing me.
I would like Jessica to go to nursery at least one day a week but I am finding it difficult to pay for it (and my dad for childcare). I am also loath to sign her up as it could mean a day that I don't get to spend with her twice a month. These days are so precious to me. I know this is selfish but I intend to sign her up after the wedding and just deal with my feelings.
My dad was recently diagnosed with early dementia (he's 63) and is currently undergoing tests to see what kind. My step mother was recently made redundant so is at home full time (at the moment) so this isn't yet a problem childcare wise. However, she is currently undergoing tests as they found a mass in her throat (yes, she's a smoker so could be nasty).
We are supposed to be getting married on 30th June so money is pretty tight at the moment. We wouldn't have done it yet except the MIL told us she would pay for the wedding then decided not to... after we had put down £100's of deposits that were non refundable. So we decided to go ahead. This is becoming a bit of a disaster as our wedding reception venue has just been shut down for being unsafe with 6 weeks till our wedding.... arrrg!
To top all that off our dog recently had to have a major op costing £2000 (thank goodness we have an emergency credit card) and will need ongoing treatment and a monthly diet costing us about £75 a MONTH!! Our insurance company screwed us over with him after he was diagnosed with epilepsy a few years ago and then pulled the policy.. no other company will now touch him unless we pay ridiculous premiums.
What I am getting to here is that I cannot afford to take a lower paid job or to go part time. My OH earns that bit too much for us to get any help. We have a mortgage that is fix rate for another 2 years so cannot risk loosing the house. I cannot go back into the office because of that woman that is if they will even consider my request (which is unlikely). I am applying for jobs all the time but have not even had an interview.
If things go bad with my dad and step mum then I will need to find childcare and god knows how i am going to afford it.
I am so, so stuck right now. I am worried, lonely and feel guilty constantly. I know this can't go on too much longer before I become ill again but I just don't know what to do.
