Just feeling sorry for myself

[mod19]

So my baby shower was this weekend, and it was great! Got a lot of cute stuff and a ton of diapers! More people showed up than I thought would (just moved here about a year and a half ago) , and was overly pleased with how everything went.

There's 4 people at work expecting right now: me, my managers wife, and 2 cashiers. My managers will is due next in July.

Anyways, I invited everyone from work, so about 20 people, and 4 showed up. No big deal. Except today they handed out invitations to my managers baby shower, hosted by two other people at work, all 3 of which didn't come to my shower or get us anything, and they gave me an invitation. Everyone was talking about it today and it just made me feel bad. I understand he's been there longer than me and all, but I almost felt like they were rubbing it in my face with how much they've spent on the shower already. I liked mine, it was simple and fairly cheap, which is what I wanted it to be. I didn't register for anything over $30 because I felt bad for asking people to spend money on me. I went and looked at their registries (Target and Babies r Us) and there's nothing on them less than $50! Well there are a couple $30 items, but only like 3 or 4. They registered for at least 2 of each of the big items (2 dressers, 2 cribs, 2 pack n plays, 4 car seats, 6 strollers, etc).

I guess this post has no point, I just needed to get it out. I'm sure I'm just being over sensitive right now...its just hard to not feel bad. He already has 2 kids and this is my first. It's like no one cares that I'm pregnant and don't care if they're stressing me out or pushing me physically to where I'm definitely over doing it and I hurt. I've felt like this for awhile now, but today just pushed me over the edge and I feel so bad my little girl won't be as appreciated here as his will. My support lives across the country, and that doesn't help at all.

Sorry for the long post if you've made it through it. Thanks for letting me get it out.

 

[MrsMandy]

defiantly makes you feel cr*p when you feel not as appreciated as others in the same boat around you. And its amplified with how sensitive we feel when pregnant. Just try to remember that you enjoyed your shower and you were thinking of others when you registered (also 6 strollers!!!!!!!!! Who needs that many!?!?! Excessive much???!)
Plus your little girl will be loved and spoilt rotten by you and your partner and that really is the most important thing.
Just roll your eyes at their 'showy off ness' and politely say that you'll be unable to attend her shower as you'll be so close to having your daughter/busy with a newborn at that point!

 

[dom85]

I would be inclined not to go as well or just get a gift card if you do go as what they're asking is a bit excessive especially given that they have children already.

Just try and forget about other people and not have expectations of them. I have moved away from the town I grew up in where a lot of my friends still live and although I still see them it's not as much as before and my parents passed away a few years ago so this baby doesn't seem to be made a fuss of so far compared to when I was pregnant before but I just keep in mind how much this baby is wanted and loved by me and my partner.

 

[mod19]

Yeah I've already decided not to go. They have a lot of the reps for our suppliers invited so my measly gift (a blanket which I've put a lot of time into so far) won't compare to all 6 strollers that they will likely get. The shower is April 12, so it is close to my due date. I just think April is a bit early for someone due in July, but what do I know.

 

[tulip1975]

It sounds like you understand what's appropriate for a gift solicitation party, and your manager doesn't. Asking for that kind of haul for a baby shower (much less for a 3rd baby) is gauche.

It also sounds like your co-workers had to save up money to suck up to your boss.

Sorry about that - I completely understand why you are frustrated and a little hurt.

 

[d_b]

You often get a discount when you register for items at a store and buy them yourself after the shower, so that might be it? Tbh I would definately spend more on my manager than a new-ish coworker. But it's weird to have a registry or a full shower for a third baby unless thes a huge age gap or something.

 

[mod19]

You often get a discount when you register for items at a store and buy them yourself after the shower, so that might be it? Tbh I would definately spend more on my manager than a new-ish coworker. But it's weird to have a registry or a full shower for a third baby unless thes a huge age gap or something.

I think what's upsetting me more is the fact that they expect me to come and spend money and time on them, when they couldn't have been bothered with a card for mine. I know it's petty, but the big Boss is helping throw his shower and they have a lot of money, and even this morning are talking about how they'll be serving steaks and chicken for dinner (it's a night shower ) and how there's no way they will be having balloons as balloons are tacky. I had balloon flowers and I thought they were super cute. I know they saw the pictures on Facebook because they asked me how they were hung. And that they wouldn't dare get a cake from Walmart (where we got mine) and will be having a fondant 3 tiered one. Yes I'm newish, but certainly not that new. By the time baby is born I'll have been working here for almost 2 years. I keep getting pestered if I'll be coming back after she's born and my answer is always they same. They keep saying they need to look out for what's best for the company, and I get that, but I don't even get asked how the pregnancy is going from them with them knowing I've had complications and that there's a good possibility they will induce early (low amniotic fluid, now swelling accompanied with rising bp). If they don't want me working here anymore fine, fire me, but don't pester me about a return 5 months from now. I get to give 2 weeks notice like everyone else.

Sorry about the extra rant. They are treating the other two pregnant girls the same way, so it's not just me, it's the being pregnant thing.

 

[Delphine11]

I understand why you're upset and annoyed, but don't give them another thought. They're not worth it.

YOU know how loved and wanted your baby is, so who cares if they're not interested? Let the show-off baby shower go ahead and stay away and congratulate yourself on having more taste and more thought.

I'm not having a shower and I don't want one. My baby is just as special as anyone else's and I couldn't give a jot what other people think.

As for the 'going back to work stuff', just be vague. They shouldn't be fussing you like this - and they should have been a lot more sympathetic to your pregnancy health issues.

Forget them and look after yourself and baby

 

[mayacat]

They're being super pretentious. I can understand your frustration but they're really not worth your worry. I felt guilty putting anything over $30 on my registry too!

Who the heck puts 6 strollers on their registry? How many did they get with their previous children?? Crazy...

 

[mod19]

Thanks guys. I'm feeling better about it now. I work with a small group in receiving and they've all been super helpful to me this whole pregnancy and just being around them has cheered me up. Dh already hates how everyone here acts and wants to give them his two cents, but I won't let him.

 

[nilllabean26]

sorry mod. I think people are trying to brown nose your manager and look good in his eyes. Not necessarily beauese they like him more or hes been there longer. The rude thing about it is that they cuoldve at least said sorry for not making it to your shower, or asked you how your shower went as they were giving u an invitation... now THAT right there is freakin rude. It goes to show who cares about u and where things are. I am glad u were able to enjoy the baby shower you did have though. gl with everything and cheer up maybe its a good thing they didnt show up. nothing worse than someone coming who doesnt wanna be there and not getting u anything except eating ur food... maybe it was better they didnt show up

 

[mod19]

Yes, I'm definitely ok with them not showing up. The people who I really wanted there did come and I was pleased with that. And the fact that they didn't get anything doesn't bother me either, it's more the fact that they were rubbing this big extravagant shower in my face, talking about the great decorations and food like mine was nothing, and handing me an invitation and expecting me to utilize my time and money when they couldn't even take the time.

Like I said, I loved my shower and was so much more than I was expecting. I'm definitely more modest and frugal than they are, and that's fine. Just don't expect me to get you a $500 stroller when you couldn't be bothered to take time for me. I've spent a lot of time crocheting a blanket for his little girl, I just hope he appreciates it.

 

[nilllabean26]

Yes, I'm definitely ok with them not showing up. The people who I really wanted there did come and I was pleased with that. And the fact that they didn't get anything doesn't bother me either, it's more the fact that they were rubbing this big extravagant shower in my face, talking about the great decorations and food like mine was nothing, and handing me an invitation and expecting me to utilize my time and money when they couldn't even take the time.

Like I said, I loved my shower and was so much more than I was expecting. I'm definitely more modest and frugal than they are, and that's fine. Just don't expect me to get you a $500 stroller when you couldn't be bothered to take time for me. I've spent a lot of time crocheting a blanket for his little girl, I just hope he appreciates it.

forget hoping. He BETTER appreciate it lol.

 

[MrsMandy]

Ah I think that's a lovely gift!! We've been given lots of handmade/knitted blankets and I think they're my fave gifts!
I hope he appreciates it too! Xx

 

[dom85]

Yeah, handmade gifts are way better it shows how much time and care you put into something for the baby.

I have two beautiful blankets and a couple of cardigans that my Mum knitted for DS when he was a baby and I love them so much, I'm so glad I didn't give them away as she passed away a few years ago so at least this baby will get to have the bits that she spent so long making.

 

[mod19]

I love handmade gifts too, I think they're so neat! Dh aunt made her a quilt. It's what she does but I love it. I doubt I'll actually use it, but I will be hanging in her room. Also when I was little one of my grandma's made me this crochet doll set. It's a bassinet with a little doll and clothes and diapers that you can dress her up in. The clothes can be tucked away in a compartment under the bed portion, and it all closes up like a little purse when you're done. I loved that thing. Didn't realize it was still around till I got it in the mail from my mom. So excited this little girl will be able to play with it too.

 

[MrsMandy]

Ah that's lovely!! Xx
I found this old book that I remember my mum reading with me and I loved as as kid, I've put it on baby's bookcase and am excited that I'll get to read it to baby - I've already read it to bump when I found it!!! 😊

 

[BlingyGal]

I feel sorry for you too! Those a**h***s. As someone else said, they sound pretentious.

I'm glad you have some supportive people at work. You're doing the right thing by focussing on the positives from coworkers. Keep doing that and you'll feel better.

As an aside, I would love it if someone gave me a handmade baby gift. My favourite baby gift (from when I was born) is a handmade teddy bear. I still have him!