Just how do you do it?

[xbababellyx]

Hi Ladies, I'm new to this forum and looking for advice!

Long story short, I have a 10 month old and am expecting another in May and recently found out FOB has been cheating on me since LO was 4 months old with MULTIPLE women! He even took me out for my birthday last week and disappeared for 20 minutes leaving me sitting in the restuarant alone, when I asked him where he was he said "smoking". I had a feeling something was up though and just couldnt resist the urge to look through his texts, I literally found hundreds dating back months ago, including that night between him and his ex as well as other women discussing their "sex lives". Kind of ironic because we've only had sex once since LO was born due to him pushing me away and that's how I got pregnant again!

Anyway, he lives with me at the moment and I told him today to get his things and leave. How will we co-parent though, I cant stand the sight of him right now, I don't even want him in my house and wouldn't want him to take LO anywhere as he's said he will be staying with a "friend" meaning his latest conquest im sure

Any advice?

 

[MissRhead]

Hi, how awful of him I'm so sorry your going through this. Don't worry though you can and will manage on your own. I split with my Son's farther as he was also cheating on me with multiple people, it hurt so bad to begin with and i was so lost but it does get better! We have been separated for over 3 years now and I am now expecting my second and going to be a single mummy all over again! It is difficult at times but nothing is more rewarding, here if you want to chat x

 

[aqualung]

xbababellyx,

You are very strong. I wish you good luck. Be sure to get the child support paperwork going ASAP. He must be held accountable even if he is no longer living with his children. The visitation has not yet been discussed?

 

[xbababellyx]

Hi Hun,

Thanks for the reply, sounds like we're in the same position really!Does your sons dad see you LO often? And yea I hope time will help, Im more angry that he obviously has no regard for our son more than anything. Congrats on baby #2 by the way!

 

[xbababellyx]

xbababellyx,

You are very strong. I wish you good luck. Be sure to get the child support paperwork going ASAP. He must be held accountable even if he is no longer living with his children. The visitation has not yet been discussed?

Thank you, means a lot

I guess you have to be strong when you have a child. We already have a child support arrangement from when he was on benefits although he started a new job 2 months ago and hasnt told them that hes earning a lot more money now so i'll phone them and let them know.
As for visitation, he wants to come to my house to see LO but i'd like to look into other options because I don't even want to look at him!

 

[Ceejay123]

Maybe a family member could supervise at their home? X

 

[Dream.dream]

Look into supervision else where but I really suggest you get Counselling for yourself to get over your anger toward him . In the long run the sooner you can let go the easier it is to go parent and you'll feel better . Kids can tell more then you think and you dot want your resentment to effect them

 

[teal]

You'll get there.

As ceejay said, would a family member be able to supervise visits if that would make you feel more comfortable? xx

 

[babycrazy1706]

I'm in a similar situation. My son is almost 17m and his dad walked out on us when he was 7m cos (after 7.5yrs together) he found someone else. We never had sex since I was pregnant. He would just push me away. I had a bit of a break down when we split and went on anti depressants. Now that I'm over him its a lot easier and I see clearly now what my heart stopped me from seeing before. It was a shit relationship and I'm better out of it. Honestly hun you will come out stronger in the end. My standards are set high now and unless a guy is willing to treat me exceptionally well then he won't stand a chance. I deserve a lot more and you do too. Get onto the csa ASAP! Big hugs to you. Xx

 

[xbababellyx]

Maybe a family member could supervise at their home? X

That's a really good idea, I think it would be great for now anyway as I don't think we can get along right now

 

[xbababellyx]

Look into supervision else where but I really suggest you get Counselling for yourself to get over your anger toward him . In the long run the sooner you can let go the easier it is to go parent and you'll feel better . Kids can tell more then you think and you dot want your resentment to effect them

very true, I have a lot of hate towards him. I don't even feel angry in general but I know I must be because on the few occasions we've come face to face since I threw him out I haven't even been able to be civil to him, It always ends in an argument.

 

[xbababellyx]

I'm in a similar situation. My son is almost 17m and his dad walked out on us when he was 7m cos (after 7.5yrs together) he found someone else. We never had sex since I was pregnant. He would just push me away. I had a bit of a break down when we split and went on anti depressants. Now that I'm over him its a lot easier and I see clearly now what my heart stopped me from seeing before. It was a shit relationship and I'm better out of it. Honestly hun you will come out stronger in the end. My standards are set high now and unless a guy is willing to treat me exceptionally well then he won't stand a chance. I deserve a lot more and you do too. Get onto the csa ASAP! Big hugs to you. Xx

Thanks hun, its nice to know that others have been in the same situation and have come out stronger, the funny thing is that I don't actually miss the relationship, I guess it shows that it wasn't that great to begin with then! You sound like a strong woman doing a great job x

 

[babycrazy1706]

Aww thank you
I try to be strong.

Best wishes to you and LO. Xx

 

[babycrazy1706]

P.s. Are you in the u.k?