Just need to rant!

[AnnieJ10]

Hey all, so I'm having a rough time ttc #1- it's only been 4 months which I know is not long but to me feels like a lifetime. My cycles are irregular and so I don't even know if and when I ovulated. I'm 31 so still have time but I really really want to have a baby and so does my husband. It's just one of those days where I'm feeling down and I want things to happen and it's so frustrating not knowing when they will.

Other people are already going on baby # 2 or 3 and I just want one! And I'm sure it'll happen eventually but every time I take a Opt and its negative just makes it seem like there's no end in sight. Anyone else feel this way? That's all really, thanks for reading, it's just one of those days where I needed to get it off my chest! I thought getting no pregnant would be easier end rant

 

[BelleNuit]

I hear ya. I had a really tough time around the 4th month too, that was when I started thinking that it may take a little longer. Now I'm on my 7th cycle actively trying, but 9th if you count the anov cycle I had and NTNP. I'm not sure what to think anymore.

I think the cycles just drift by after awhile. It gets easier and harder in a way.

 

[mrs unicorn]

I'm feeling the same. I'm 30 and was desparate to start TTC #1 earlier than we did. Lots of our friends either have 1/2 kids or are pregnant. We started in October and on the third cycle I got a bfp! Was delighted. Went all out buying stuff which again I'd be desperate to do, started planning how we'd tell our families etc. To cut a long story short we lost the baby (empty sac) at 10 weeks. Had an ERPC beginning of March. We were desperate to get it all back so tried straight after the ERPC and have been trying properly for the 3 cycles since. NOTHING. I try so hard to think I was lucky it was just 3 attempts last time but it's not much comfort. It also felt like forever then! It doesn't feel like it's only been 3 cycles (or 4 if you count post mc cycle) this time because we've been trying for this since October. It's so hard, I've wanted to give up so many times but that won't solve anything. Just having a really down / fed up of everything day.

We'll get through this girls. It's ok to feel fed up, I'm just so glad that there's a place here to get it all out. Xxx

 

[AnnieJ10]

What's worse is I didn't have a period for the first 3 months after birth control so this is actually my first "true" cycle but that doesn't make it any easier, just makes me realize it may take longer than I though. I work in a pediatrics office and it's getting harder to go to work and see all the adorable kids and newborns.I wanted to start earlier than we did too and waited because my hubby wasn't ready. He wouldn't let me get off the pill even though I told him it could take a long time to regulate. It's not that I resent him for it but it's frustrating

Belle- Thanks for responding, have you had any tests done yet?

Mrsunicorn- I'm so sorry for your loss I'm sure that must have been so difficult- but we WILL get through this and I am so glad we have this forum to support each other!

 

[2ducks]

Hello! Around the 4th/5th month was when I was getting really frustrated and disappointed. That's also when I realized something wasn't quite right with me. I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS, at 10 months ttc and realized I had not ovulated once during that entire time. Because I had PCOS I was turning OPKs positive for days at a time but with no ovulation. I was crushed and honestly felt stupid, like i should have figured out I wasn't ovulating because I was having no period at all! My best friend and I are the same age, in the time I have been ttc she got pregnant and had her baby. At first I was happy for her, then I couldn't even think or talk about it for months. It wasn't jealousy it was feeling inadequate that I wasn't getting pregnant. I just allowed myself to experience my feelings and eventually I found a place of happiness for her. I'm totally there with you, at this point I feel like I just want one and so many people are on to their 2, 3 or more! I think those of us in our 30s start to feel a little more pressure because "35" is this magical number where you are considered "advanced maternal age", it just sounds gross.

Hang in there, most likely your cycles will even out and things will get one track for you. Its good news that you had AF after 3 months. What CD are you? Everyone here has a wealth of information, so if you need advice about next steps/testing just ask away and you will get some good responses.

 

[AnnieJ10]

Thanks for the response 2ducks. I'm cd18 today. The first period I had after the pill was also really short and lighter than previous periods so I don't even know if it's a "real" period. And my doctor is all about waiting things out so I doubt he would order any tests now just to Make sure things are normal with me. And the hubby doesn't seem to concerned, he wants a baby but he's not obsessing over everything like I am so it's hard to talk to him about it! I hope you get your BFPs soon too!!

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey there Annie,

I had blood tests taken this month that came out normal. Also did an at home SA for DH which came out really good. I think it's taken us so long due to poor life style factors. So we've been making changes this month, I'm already feeling better from the changes I've made! So that's a bonus!

I guess it's just a matter of time. It can take up to 3 months for lifestyle changes to have a big impact.

Also, when I quit BC a few years ago it took 3 months for my cycles to get back to normal. I don't think I O'd for the first few months because I had lots of spotting and breakthrough bleeding for almost the full 3 months straight. So its pretty normal to not O at first!

 

[2ducks]

I would recommend temping and charting for a few months (if you aren't already). I brought three months of a continuous non ovulatory chart to my OBGYN to prove that I was not ovulating. Temping can be cumbersome after while but it gives actual data on your body.

Have you considered acupuncture? Many women have reported this helps them in conjunction with chinese medicine.

 

[AnnieJ10]

No I haven't done temping yet. I was thinking about doing it next cycle it just seems so tedious but might be a good idea. I've also wondered about acupuncture.

I appreciate everyone's helpful responses!

 

[WishnandHopn]

I thought temping would be annoying but it quickly becomes a habit: alarm goes off, thermometer goes in month. I get enormous satisfaction out of seeing that temp rise and cross hairs appear on fertility friend. There's so much that's out of your control while TTC, confirming that you're ovulating is a huge relief each month!

Baby dust to you!

 

[AnnieJ10]

Thanks wishn, you too!!