Just need to share...

[Peasonearth]

I have a son who is a year old and his father and I have not been together since the pregnancy. The relationship has been incredibly strained due to his controlling and volatile ways and a lot of verbal abuse on his part.

I don't want to go into too much detail with this being a public forum but lo's dad has had fairly regular contact albeit with many issues along the way and several court appearances (he made the application as wasn't happy with what I was offering). At the last hearing Cafcass were ordered to complete a section 7 report, I have been interviewed and that all went very well, since then he has refused to cooperate with Cafcass and so the report is now being written without his side of the story.

His behaviour has got progressively worse (not physical, always verbal) and has become so worrying that both my solicitor and the Cafcass officer have raised concerns in regards to his mental wellbeing based on the things he has been saying to both me, the solicitor, Cafcass, the judge etc.

I have been told that due to his behaviour, contact is going to be reduced for the time being and will have to take place in a contact centre (it currently takes place at public places) and that before we can even consider moving contact to unsupervised, FOB will have to undertake psychological and pyschiatric testing. FOB isn't suspecting this at all, he is convinced that upon the next court hearing he is being granted unsupervised and I just know that his reaction the report is going to be a nightmare but at least may demonstrate even more of his true colours that have been coming to light over the last months.

I am relieved that finally my concerns are being addressed but really worried for what the future holds for our little boy, especially if FOB is found to have mental issues.

Does anyone have any experience with this? My solicitor has advised that sometimes contact can stay in a contact centre indefinitely if it is deemed that an FOB is a risk to the wellbeing of his child. She has also advised me that if he doesn't agree to be tested, then there will be no progression of contact and it will remain in the contact centre until he decides to cooperate (and may stay there still depending on the outcome of the testing).

This is just a very tense time right now as am desperately awaiting the report to be sent out and wondering if there is anyone in a similar situation to me?

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

no advice hun as not been in that situation but i'm really sorry about what you're going through atleast its been brought to their attention xx

 

[BadassMom]

I have no advice either expect to say I'm sorry for what a stressful time your going through. it's good the authorities are taking the situation seriously, it sounds like he could use some psychological help, for his sake and to be a better father to your LO.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Thank god they caught it before he got unsupervised. If he's proven mentally unstable I'd be glad to have it in a contact center with tons of people to step in and protect little one. I can't give you much advice. I know it must be stressful but at least they caught it before he did something to hurt you or LO.

 

[Laura2919]

What a stressful time x

 

[Peasonearth]

It has been a stressful time and it makes me feel better that at least third parties have picked up on his behaviour aswell. I just have to sit tight and wait for the report to arrive now and hope that the cafcass officer has included everything she said she would, very tense time! I also need to find out about the contact centre as from what I've been told, the one that is being recommended is only run by volunteers rather than being full-on supervised contact, which is ok for the time being as the volunteers will be there in case there are any obvious issues, but my concern is for as our son gets older as a lot of FOB's threats centre around mental/emotional abuse and the things he is threatening to tell our son so obviously I am worried about what he could say to our son during visits if there is only a volunteer watching over several families as opposed to someone qualified supervising one-on-one.

Does anyone have any experience with a contact centre who could maybe give me a little more insight as to how they work, how their lo's are during their time there etc? The one we would be using looks pretty groggy from the outside

 

[Peasonearth]

I have no advice either expect to say I'm sorry for what a stressful time your going through. it's good the authorities are taking the situation seriously, it sounds like he could use some psychological help, for his sake and to be a better father to your LO.

I am relieved that finally they are taking note of what he has been subjecting me and our son too, they really caught it just in time as they were about ready to start putting a plan in place to progress contact to unsupervised until his behaviour got worse very quickly so they quickly revised the proposal having seen this behaviour.

He could definitely use some help but he doesn't think he has a problem

 

[BadassMom]

I have no advice either expect to say I'm sorry for what a stressful time your going through. it's good the authorities are taking the situation seriously, it sounds like he could use some psychological help, for his sake and to be a better father to your LO.

I am relieved that finally they are taking note of what he has been subjecting me and our son too, they really caught it just in time as they were about ready to start putting a plan in place to progress contact to unsupervised until his behaviour got worse very quickly so they quickly revised the proposal having seen this behaviour.

He could definitely use some help but he doesn't think he has a problem

I have some family member's with mental health issues, and it seems to me that almost all people with untreated mental illness' think that there's nothing wrong with them, and that other people are out to get them. It's very frustrating trying to help someone who won't help themselves.