Just over heard my older two talking

[Snowball]

Ella is 5 1/2 and Eddie is just 4. Their dad suddenly left at xmas. Ever since my 4 year old is paranoid I'm going to go too, it's horrible

I was just walking up the stairs and I heard him say to his sister, "Ella, when we grow up and mummy goes, will you look after me?"... I've told him time and time again I'm not going but he has none of it. It's not helped much right now due to me being a bit crippled with SPD so I can't do lots with him. He clings to my leg when I drop him off at nursery and screams. When his dad comes I've seen him trying to barricade the front door with my toddler sobbing, trying desperately to stop him going but ex DH just tends to pick them up out the way and go.

Will he get out of this? Only it's been 7 months now

 

[emalou90]

thats heartbreaking
im sure it'll come to a point where you can sit him down and explain a bit more maybe?
then he may understand
thats so difficult xxxx

 

[Snowball]

thats heartbreaking
im sure it'll come to a point where you can sit him down and explain a bit more maybe?
then he may understand
thats so difficult xxxx

I hope so. He just doesn't seem to understand now that parents don't normally run off (well not like my ex DH did anyway). I feel he's on tenterhooks waiting for me to do it now. His trust is shattered

 

[whoops]

Ah god, the poor little guy.

Has your ex tried to talk to him to reassure him at all? Do you think that would help? Is he able to contact his dad whenever he wants or is it more scheduled visits? I wonder would he feel better if he was able to talk to his dad on the phone or on Skype whenever he felt like it - just to reassure him that he's still always there, just not in the house.

 

[Snowball]

I'm actually sadly in the process of trying to cut his dads contact completely and sort it out through solicitors. Mainly because he walked out and now just returns as and when it suits him at minimal notice and I literally can't plan anything in advance. He also has reverted to acting like a child himself over things and I just a not doing it anymore. I don't feel his access helps and I'm having a baby soon which he begged me to abort... It's all very messed up

9 times out of 10 when I've called him in the past he's refused to pick up. I remember when he first left my 4 year old was crying for him and it took me an afternoon of calling his phone to get him to pick up and talk to him because he saw my number and ignored it

 

[whoops]

What a prick.

God, no wonder your little boy is upset. I definitely think you're doing the right thing re. access - if he's just coming in and out whenever it suits him, then the kids would be all over the place, not knowing what to expect. And not answering the phone to you is terrible - what if one of them had been ill?

Hope everything goes well with the last week or so of your pregnancy

 

[Snowball]

What a prick.

God, no wonder your little boy is upset. I definitely think you're doing the right thing re. access - if he's just coming in and out whenever it suits him, then the kids would be all over the place, not knowing what to expect. And not answering the phone to you is terrible - what if one of them had been ill?

Hope everything goes well with the last week or so of your pregnancy

If one of them is ill I deal with it. He seems to have this idea that walking out means he doesn't have to parent unless it's to his convenience. Not that I'm bothered about it, I know I'm doing the right thing by them... he can't exactly say the same.

I'm sitting here tonight, my pelvis seems to have bottomed out through SPD and he would be the only person that could help me. But he won't, so I'm not even going to bother asking. He's a special kind of useless when it comes to putting his own children first sadly. I just wish he didn't have to screw with their heads and feelings on top of it.

 

[whoops]

What a prick.

God, no wonder your little boy is upset. I definitely think you're doing the right thing re. access - if he's just coming in and out whenever it suits him, then the kids would be all over the place, not knowing what to expect. And not answering the phone to you is terrible - what if one of them had been ill?

Hope everything goes well with the last week or so of your pregnancy

If one of them is ill I deal with it. He seems to have this idea that walking out means he doesn't have to parent unless it's to his convenience. Not that I'm bothered about it, I know I'm doing the right thing by them... he can't exactly say the same.

I'm sitting here tonight, my pelvis seems to have bottomed out through SPD and he would be the only person that could help me. But he won't, so I'm not even going to bother asking. He's a special kind of useless when it comes to putting his own children first sadly. I just wish he didn't have to screw with their heads and feelings on top of it.

Oh, of course! I didn't mean you'd be calling him to get him to help you, just if it was something serious that he'd need to know about.

And you're right - at least you can look in the mirror with a clear conscience.

 

[Rhio92]

Poor kids
Hope you get it sorted hun x

 

[SilasLove]

What a jerk! I know we were pregnant around the same time in 2009. :wave:

Ugh, I am sorry you and your children have to go through this. Its horrible how things go down sometimes. And your poor babies - they will never be able to understand why it all happened and it seems as if your ex is not willing to offer up any explanations - so probably never will be. SMH

 

[SilasLove]

I'm a newly "single" parent as well, btw. So hoping I can learn to cope with these things myself!