Just told my mum..... need your advice!

[Blob.]

I'm 19 and am nearly 11 weeks pregnant. Me and my boyfriend found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks but my mum was going on holiday so I've just told her as she's just got back. She was really shocked and cried which is understandable, as were both of we when we found out.. biggest shock of our lives we were careful! we have our 12 week scan next week

She keeps going on about how worried she is about money, and scared for me. But my boyfriend works full time and I work part time. We are viewing some houses next weekend to rent as we want to bring our baby up in a family house with us three, but she doesn't think this is a good idea but doesn't seem to understand we want to do it like that and it's our decision and our lives. We are happy and excited now we are past the initial shock, do you think my mum will ever feel like this? All this morning she hasn't even mentioned the topic?!!?!? How do you all get by with money for baby, house, bills etc? I'm willing to sacrifice going out, clothes and we realise its not going to be easy - far from it!!!

Just would like all your stories, I'm in a stable relationship which my mum doesn't seem to understand even though she has a good relationship with my boyfriend and really likes him. I guess shes just really shocked but any stories/help/advice/words to make me feel better would help a lot!!

Thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[space-game-91]

Hiya, I'm also 19, but I didn't tell my mum about me being pregnant til I was 16 weeks. Partly due to being terrified of her reaction and partly cos I live 200ish miles away from her and I didn't think it was a phonecall conversation, so I had to wait for her to come and visit.
Me and my boyfriend have our own house, as I mentioned before away from our families cos we are both uni students and moved away for uni and my mum is stil very concerned about how we'll manage for money and how I'll cope being in uni and having a baby as I don't plan on taking a year out.
She has come around to the idea now and has offered to buy us almost everything for the baby, but we're still going to struggle with our money.
Her solution is to see how it all goes and if we're struggling too much she said we can move back home, sell our house and get uni transfers.
She has got a lot more supportive as time has gone on and although I still wouldn't say she's looking forward to the baby being born, she's got a much better attitude than what she had when she first found out.

I hope that helps, I know our situations aren't exactly the same, but if you ever want to talk you can PM me

 

[vaniilla]

I'm also 19, I told my parents when I was 7 weeks pregnant, they were really upset at first but finally came around to the idea, they were somewhat expecting it though hoping it wouldn't happen as I had been living with fiance for over a year in Cornwall, we moved back this july and live in surrey, we pay nearly 2 thousand a month on just bills, we live in an area with expensive council tax and rent though, for most others its around 1 thousand a month

before you move out look for how much money you will need a month for

rent,
tv licence if you want to pay monthly,
council tax,
gas & electric
phone & broadband

there are benefits you can apply for but I don't know what you would need to do to get them as we aren't eligible, I would suggest that you move out before baby is born so that you get a chance to live with your partner and get used to it before he/she arrives

 

[young-mummy]

hey , im nearly 18 and 7 weeks pregnant, i told my family this week and they are deverstated i dont know how to tell them that this baby means the world to me already im really scared and need some advice pleasee.. xxxxx

 

[Blob.]

Thanks for all your replies. Mums just really worried about money but we are putting money away in a joint account for things for baby and house, and plan on moving and being settled in the enw year so all ready for baby. I should get maternity pay so that should pay my half or the rent and bills, just need to find out how much, think we are booking an appointment with citizens advice next week to find about benfits etc

young-mummy I was terrified as well, but I feel better now I have done, although it feels my mum is giving me the silent treatment today!! I feel the same, this baby is going to be amazing and my boyfriend treats me so well and looks after me and we're a strong couple. I just want her to support me and not give me the cold shoulder about it all!! It's not like I've been sitting around I've sorted stuff out - viewings for house, started savings etc.

 

[smatheson]

Your mom will come around eventaully. After the initial shock they usually come around and are excited and then when LO gets here you wont even be able to hold your baby cause your parents will be there all the time holding him/her. My parents were supportive from the begining when I told them so I wasnt really in your position, but my friend's parents kicked her out, but now she is back at home and her parents are very excited so I wouldnt worry about it too much she will most likely come around and be excited. Maybe invite her to the ultrasound cause that may help her see that a little baby is coming I dont remember how far along you are so I dont know if the baby will even look like a baby in this ultrasound but its worth a shot! Good luck and congrats on your new baby

 

[lilwelsh1]

Hiya.

Iam 24 but was 17 when I got pregnant with my first. the first thing me n my partner did was get a job. I didnt last long as morning sickness was an issue, followed by other complications.

It sounds to me that you have excellent common sense, your partners working f/t and you are working p/t. Best thing you can do now is write out a budget. include rent council tax water food etc to see how much you will need to survive each month and then check that against your incomings. I dont know if you are entitled to maternity pay after baby is born but if you are you will have to take that into consideration too. all this will help you be prepared for the cost of living with partner and baby. Im not going to say its a breeze but its not as difficult as some people often make out it is.

You naturally accomodate and make allowances for a new life so i wouldnt worry youself greatly. its good you are thinking about it and planning in advance.

Best of luck to u, I hope you find a lovely home, as your pregnancy blossoms all the worries will work out.

 

[lilwelsh1]

hey , im nearly 18 and 7 weeks pregnant, i told my family this week and they are deverstated i dont know how to tell them that this baby means the world to me already im really scared and need some advice pleasee.. xxxxx

Aww I'm so sorry your family feels that way, being a new mum is an uncertain time, but its very very rewarding. I imagine that as your pregnancy progresses your family will come round. I think they are just worried for you as you are young. but when it comes to taking care of your own flesh and blood age doesnt matter, its all in there naturally. your family will see that. In the meantime I hope you have close friends to spend time with until everything settles down. best of luck xx

 

[JA1988]

Thanks for all your replies. Mums just really worried about money but we are putting money away in a joint account for things for baby and house, and plan on moving and being settled in the enw year so all ready for baby. I should get maternity pay so that should pay my half or the rent and bills, just need to find out how much, think we are booking an appointment with citizens advice next week to find about benfits etc

young-mummy I was terrified as well, but I feel better now I have done, although it feels my mum is giving me the silent treatment today!! I feel the same, this baby is going to be amazing and my boyfriend treats me so well and looks after me and we're a strong couple. I just want her to support me and not give me the cold shoulder about it all!! It's not like I've been sitting around I've sorted stuff out - viewings for house, started savings etc.

First of all congratultions huni

I'm actually 22 so not quite in the same situation but my pregnancy was completely unplanned and a total shock for both me and my family, I work full time but am certainly not in my chosen career and when I told my Mum she took a little while to come around to the idea, I think the main reason for this is that she didn't want to let herself get too excited for two reasons:
firstly just in case I decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy (even though I told her I was 100% certain) and secondly for the obvious reasons that there is always the possibility that something can go wrong god forbid, however as you can see I am now 21 weeks and she is so excited. Of course she has the usual motherly worries like money, work, how I will cope etc, but now she is over the moon and so supportive with everything. Perhaps it will just take your Mum a little time to come around to the idea.

You sound like you are in a loving and secure relationship with your boyfriend and that's fantastic so I'm sure that when she sees you are serious and it sinks in that this is really happening, she will be over the moon to have a grandchild on the way!!

Good luck and if you want any advice just let me know x

 

[Jadelm]

She'll come round hun, it's always a shock at first but she seems to be being at least a little supportive. Once you start getting on your way with the pregnancy (growing bump, scan pics, buying things for baby) it'll all become more real for not just you but everyone around you and your Mum will start feeling the same love and excitement for your baby as you do and will no doubt turning into a doting grandma

Just make sure you've thought through everything you're doing financially/house and relationship wise so that you can answer her questions and concerns with confident and mature responses and she'll soon realise that you're growing up and are capable of looking after yourself I would say though make sure you ask her for advice and stuff too cos my Mum has be invaluable to me and also it'll make her feel more involved

Sounds like your making a good start on everything though, good luck hun x

 

[young-mummy]

hey , im nearly 18 and 7 weeks pregnant, i told my family this week and they are deverstated i dont know how to tell them that this baby means the world to me already im really scared and need some advice pleasee.. xxxxx

Aww I'm so sorry your family feels that way, being a new mum is an uncertain time, but its very very rewarding. I imagine that as your pregnancy progresses your family will come round. I think they are just worried for you as you are young. but when it comes to taking care of your own flesh and blood age doesnt matter, its all in there naturally. your family will see that. In the meantime I hope you have close friends to spend time with until everything settles down. best of luck xx

Thanks so much for commenting! I will love this baby more than life itself and I also love my family billions just don't think I should have to chose,
Only one of my friends know at the min.. The dad also know he will support me how he can but he doesn't want to be known as the dad as he already has one baby who is only a few weeks old.. I don't know what to do or think about this ... Thanks agen xxx

 

[JA1988]

hey , im nearly 18 and 7 weeks pregnant, i told my family this week and they are deverstated i dont know how to tell them that this baby means the world to me already im really scared and need some advice pleasee.. xxxxx

Aww I'm so sorry your family feels that way, being a new mum is an uncertain time, but its very very rewarding. I imagine that as your pregnancy progresses your family will come round. I think they are just worried for you as you are young. but when it comes to taking care of your own flesh and blood age doesnt matter, its all in there naturally. your family will see that. In the meantime I hope you have close friends to spend time with until everything settles down. best of luck xx

Thanks so much for commenting! I will love this baby more than life itself and I also love my family billions just don't think I should have to chose,
Only one of my friends know at the min.. The dad also know he will support me how he can but he doesn't want to be known as the dad as he already has one baby who is only a few weeks old.. I don't know what to do or think about this ... Thanks agen xxx

Huni you don't and won't have to choose, I promise your family will come around in the end, even if it does take a little while. Just concentrate on yourself and your lo in the meantime. BUT in terms of the Dad obviously I don't know him or the background, but one thing I will say is he cannot shy away from his responsiblities, I know he says he will help out but he cannot be in the baby's life without acknowledging he is the dad! He is just as much responsible as you and he needs to face up to and acknowledge his responsiblity. How does he envisage helping without even being known as the dad?? By the way I am not trying to sound harsh I really want to help and it angers me when men seem to think they can call the shots like this

Big hugs huni and congratulations on your little babs xxx

 

[young-mummy]

Thanks a lot guys! I have explained to my mum what I want and why I want it! She's still not coming round, I'm scared and upset she won't be here to help out! Is anyone due around april and looking for a bump buddy to chat over facebook or to text? Xxx

 

[DanielleM]

Young-mummy and blob, I fell pregnant with my son when I was just 18 and my mum and dad were so upset as I had only been with the dad for a few months (antibiotics). At the time my parents had just seperated and I was still at 6th form doing my A-levels. My dad didn't speak to me for a few months. The father told me he would be there no matter what, then at 6 months pregnant buggered off with a rich woman 25 years his senior. My life was completely turned upside down with all of this and then a few other skeletons were revealed from family closets!

Anyway when I had my son it was the best thing ever all the problems were still there but seemed to matter a lot less, my mum and dad got back together and became the doting grandparents and I believe this will happen for you also once they have seen the little bundle of joy in your arms they will love that child as much as they love you!!

A year after my son was born I went to Uni and got my degree and now I am 25 met my OH when Evan was 2 and he has brought him up as his own and now we are in a settled stable relationship we are now expecting our own (he is also in the process of adopting my little boy).

Just wanted to share my story that everything does sort itself out in the end and not to get bogged down with all the negativity that is coming from family and friends at the minute, you will get through it and come out smiling at the other end. I could not be more happier at the minute. Hope this helps you a bit. xx

 

[Blob.]

Thank you danielleMitch that has really helped, think I'm going to just carry on looking at the positives and me and boyfriend making our own decisions but involving mum. She seems a bit better so over time hopefully she will come round xx

 

[Gemie]

Try the benefits adviser for an idea of what you're entitled to...
https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/diol1/doitonline/doitonlinebycategory/dg_172666

 

[SassyLou]

To all you young and worried mums to be.

I'm almost 39 and found out I was pregnant for the first time at 17. When I told my parents my mum was so upset that she initially threw me out of the house. Luckily my dad talked her round and I went back home the next day. My mum didn't speak to me for weeks. However, when I finally decided to tell them everything, that my baby's father was violent and abusive and that I didn't feel I should stay with him, my mum reluctantly agreed to be supportive.

My son is now 21, from the minute he was born my parents absolutely adored him. Since then I've gone to meet an absolutely wonderful man who I've been married to for fourteen years, and we have two more lovely sons.

I speak as someone who was once a teen mum and also as someone who is (unfortunately) old enough to be your mum. Don't be too upset by your parents reactions, this isn't what most parents want for their young daughters, however, they will come round in the end. I'm sure you'll all make fantastic parents and both you and your parents will love these babies more than anything in the world.

My love to you all, I still remember the pain I felt seeing my own mum so upset. It really will all work out in the end x

 

[young-mummy]

Wow! What can I say! These comments have helped so much! Realy made me feel a lot better I just want me baby now . We are all soo luck to have or had a bump no matter what age, I'm really gratefull of all the advice! I'm gonna enjoy this whole pregnancy no matter what xxxx

 

[Blob.]

I totally agree, thank you so much, I'm feeling a lot better! xx

 

[Blob.]

My mum sat me and my bf down last night and basically told me she wants to not have it, but I said we'd talked about that and made our decision. She kept saying you're looking through it with rose tinted glasses and that I've messed up my life etc.. I haven't and I just don't know what to do with her, all I want is her support and to enjoy my pregnancy with her! What shall I do?!? xxx