Keeping up hope

[thestarsfall]

It is tough every time AF shows up because it's dream crushing for sure, but I think what is worse to me is that the whole cycle is this high/low rollercoaster...

I at least, starting in the TWW am like "okay, hopefull yes" and then soon it becomes a crazy symptom spotting thinking everything is a sign combined with horrible crushing moodiness and the thoughts of "I didn't do anything differently so why the F should I think anything different is going to happen" combined with "well, every cycle is a new cycle and it could be that one happening...there's nothing physically wrong with you that you know of yet so it could still happen" combined with "well what if there is something wrong that we havent found yet so there's no reason to think it will work out"

and then finally I start getting AF symptoms and less "pregnant?" symptoms and am like "okay, I am okay, new cycle, new things sure whatever, you can do this" and then AF comes and its like "eff this" and I am so down in the dumps...and then a few days later I am back to "okay, lets do something new this time"

Does anyone else who is as yet unexplained ever start coming up with their own theories as to why nothing has happened yet? My latest one is that either a) hubby had been working in a really hot kitchen, leaves his laptop on his lap, it was the summer and was hot so he might have reduced sperm counts but then now work is renovated so it's less direct heat contact, he had a few months off while they renovated so he had time to replenish, and it's winter so maybe he'll be good now (he hasn't had an SA so I have no idea where he stands to begin with)

...or b) in October's cycle I was suddenly having a 14 day LP, when prior to that (for at least 6 months probably more than that) I was having 12 day LP on the nose...the only difference is that I lost 15 lbs and my blood pressure had gotten to normal again (it wasn't high, just slightly elevated). So now I am like thinking maybe before that the 12 days just wasnt enough for my own body (even though it works for other's) and now that I have been consistently 14 days it's like I gotta wait a year from October again to see if I am truly infertile naturally.

Then the other frustrating thing is that my GYN wants me to have an HSG done but they only do HSGs CD 7-11 apparently and basically you have to see if the GYN is free, the radiologist is free and they have no one else booked that week....so I was supposed to have that done this month, but nope...no one was free except me...so all I get is to call back when I start next cycle.

My plan if that happens (still keeping up hope for this one) is to let them know that I don't normally ovulate until cd 20 ish anyway, so we have a wider window and that I am totally okay with just using protection all of march cycle and then we could do an hsg anytime...it sucks that I would have to stop for a whole cycle but I need a break anyway so I would rather have it be for a reason and getting stuff done rather than just being like "oh well, we'll just book you next cycle" because I feel like that could go one forever.

That and I wanna ask for clomid for April's cycle if possible...if I do or don't get the hsg. If I don't get it then it's like hey, I am trying something, and if I do then I will know if that is a good next step or not.

 

[waitingongod1]

I would get the hsg done. You'll feel better knowing results and won't regret it! And get that man tested! You have to know what you are working with!

 

[Myshelsong]

Honestly the best thing you can do is start the testing process.
Get his little men tested, that is the only way to know what is going on with him. It is super easy and if he doesn't want to just start crying and don't stop for a week. Seriously if this is that important to both of you he should have no problem.

The HSG was not fun in my experience, but it is instrumental in finding out the shape of your uterus and if your fallopian tubes are open or twisted. I had to wait 6 months for mine and they ended up doing it on the 26th day of my cycle because it was the only day the DR was available. Because of this mine was excruciating because they had to drive it through a closed cervix. be happy yours is before you ovulate and hopefully it will happen within 6 months.

how long have you guys been trying and seeing your Dr? It is strange that you haven't even had a monitored cycle to make sure your follicles are developing. Maybe you should see a new Dr, or see if you can start making things happen faster. Ask for monitored cycles, get a HSG, get a Lap done to make sure there is no endo, get your blood work done for both of you, get a SA .... Push as much as you can and if they don't comply move on to a specialist.