Knowing my rights

[dollygirlie]

I am on the verge of giving birth to my lovely baby girl Lola in a few weeks.
I just wondered where I stand with rights with her.

Basically the father was pretty angry when he found out I was pregnant last summer and wanted me to have an abortion. Which I refused to do. I was told I couldn't have chldren due to an ovary dissorder, and had a long distance relationship on and off with this guy and never caught for a child in 8 years.

He went quiet on me for a couple of months. Then started visiting me, I continued the relationship, but he hadn't took that much interest in the baby's welfare, only ever come to one scan etc. And hasn't provided anything for her arrival, where as I have had to struggle to buy ahead for moses baskets, baths and all that goes with it.
He is now backing out of seeing the birth - he lives around 100 miles away, his boss has said he could have the week off, but he is acting up like he does'nt want to be bothered, he actually quoted that he would be bored waiting a couple of days while I was induced to have her.
I have been getting gradually tired of his attitude of the months of being pregnant, where I have dreaded having sex with him, which he has continued to have, I even started crying at one point. I just kinda feel obligated, to him so he can gain access to his child, even though he hasn't taken interest in her. I really don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but I don't like confrontation of any kind, I just don't want things getting ugly between us. And least of all do I want my Lo hurt.
I was just wondering what rights I have as far as his access rights, do I have to hand the child over to him, is it upto me how I see fit the child is with. He seems to take for granted he can drop in so to speak as and when he feels, to see her, and have sex with me as part of the bargain, yet I don't see him for weeks.

He has been putting pressure on me to bring the child up on the coach as soon as I am out of hospital, as if it was realisitc dragging cases, a child, nappy bags etc 100 miles on my own. I said if you meet me half way at the coach station - he said it would wear out his car? I just feel like I am making all the effort and he is manipulating me to meet his own ends. His mother hasn't said a word since I have got pregnant, or any support, from what I understand she is dissaproving of me having the child, she also stopped us getting engaged when we first were seeing eachother. So she seems to have a great deal of control over him. He wants me to bring the baby up so she can see it, and leave her in her care. While we go out somewhere. Which I think is a bit much being I have had no support

How do I make this situation better, I just feel so under thumb I want to escape I suppose I feel guilty that I got pregnant, maybe this is the source of him underpinning me, as I feel he blames me

 

[brownhairedmom]

Ignore him. Don't put him on the birth certificate. He can't do anything unless he takes you to court for a DNA test, then they have to go through a seperate court thing in order to get visitation. keep any emails he sends you, record everything he says.

You have the right to keep him from the child until a judge tells you other wise.

 

[xarlenex]

Ignore him. Don't put him on the birth certificate. He can't do anything unless he takes you to court for a DNA test, then they have to go through a seperate court thing in order to get visitation. keep any emails he sends you, record everything he says.

You have the right to keep him from the child until a judge tells you other wise.

Yeah definately agree. He sounds like he wants you when it suits him which isn't good for you or a child. He should be willing to walk 100 miles to see his daughter. Not make you drag her on a coach for god knows how long.

 

[nikky0907]

I agree with Scorpio, seems to me like he's taking you for granted and only thinking of himself.
Don't put him on the birth certificate and we'll see if he's really willing to work his ass of to get paternal and visitation rights.And yes, he'll be made to move closer to you or drive to you if he wants regular contact.

xxx

P.S. I have to say I like the name you've chosen

 

[MoonMuffin]

Don't put him on the certificate. Then he has to jump through hoops if he's really willing to make an effort. And how dare he expect you to bring a newborn on the coach! That is not good for a young baby to be in closed quarters with so many people, what if someone has a cold, your baby could get sick! it's advised that you not bring a baby to crowded places (especially closed in) until they are 2 months old. You will be the one who has just gone through labor and childbirth (or c-section, and if that's the case you shouldn't go anywhere so soon, you will still need to be taking it easy!) If he's not willing to make an effort then neither should you.

 

[isil]

he sounds like an idiot. I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate so that things are more in your court with regards to when you want him to see her and the circumstances that that happens in.

 

[dollygirlie]

I have thought of not putting him on the birth certificate, would it cause problems though, I just worry that Lola will have the mikey taken out of her not having a father named on her certificate? Would I get into trouble deliberately with-holding information like that if I really know who he is?

 

[Lilaala]

I agree with all the other ladies, but I also want to add in that you are NOT obligated to have sex with him, and if you don't like it, don't do it!!!!! He does not have any right at all to your body, you are not an object, you are a human being and you are not his property NOR DO YOU OWE HIM ANYTHING.

Don't put him on the certificate, don't put your baby at risk to go see him, don't make any effort on HIS behalf, if he cares HE will be the one making the effort. You are already gestating the baby, you will be giving birth, up with night feedings, raising her, everything! What possible contribution is he making?

How can you be in trouble? He is acting like a sperm donor, not a father-to-be, if he wants to be a father he will pursue it, you are not obligated to hand him rights to your child. I cannot see how either you or your child benefit from him in any way, sounds more like he only takes, so stop giving.


I apologize if I've said anything that upset anyone, I am riled up after all, I don't know your sperm donor but I find him utterly offensive and don't think he's worth expelling any effort on at all.

 

[brownhairedmom]

You won't get in trouble from not putting him on there. My baby's sperm donor isn't on hers. If you put him on there and you want to travel out of country with her, he has to give permission, etc. Don't put him on there! He gets to fully interfer in her life for the hell of it if he's on there

 

[Sherileigh]

I don't necessarily agree with not putting him on the birth certificate...I guess it's up to you. I think maybe you just need to back away and make him put the effort in to seeing his daughter. Chances are he will not make much of an effort anyway. But he is the father...so I think you should at least talk to him about all of this!
Good luck hun!

 

[dollygirlie]

would with-holding that fathers information affect my claim to benefits? He is still putting me on silent treatment mode since I told him my induction date, if he doesn't contact by the childs arrival I won't put him on the certificate, he can carry on sticking his head in the sand like he always has done