ladies, I desperately need your help . . . .

[ttcEmiy]

My husband and I tried to concieve for a little over a year with no luck, a few months ago I found out I had cervical cancer. About a week after I had my cervix removed, I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant, and now labeled very high risk pregnancy. My husband has a 14 year old daughter and I have a 6 year old daughter (both from previous marriages). The 14 year old became so jealous of my 6 year old she went to live with her mother, and for the last 6 months has been so hateful to my husband (her dad , who has always raised her) and myself. After we heard the heart beat, we decided to tell her. Well she through a fit, said she disowns the baby, myself, and my husband. Also she hopes the baby doesn't make it. . .My husband was floored at her reaction and I am devastated. How could she say such a thing. . .I don't know how we can help her see the pregnancy is a good thing, does anyone have any suggestions or ideas?

 

[2nd time mum]

Hi didn't want to read and run. How horrible to react that way. I really don't know, just hopefully time will make her realise and let her know that you would want her to be involved as much as possible. I was lucky my eldest was quite happy when we told him and he was 13 at the time. She is at a hormonal age now which doesn't help!

Good luck with it x

 

[A3my]

I'm sure she felt terrible for saying it once she'd cooled off. I'm sure as time goes on she'll come to terms with it, she's obviously jealous of the baby and unsure of how to express herself. Try to involve her as much as you can, even if she's still ghastly I bet she loves her little sister/brother to pieces once they are here. xxxx

 

[ttcEmiy]

Thanks, it's all we can hope for . . .time can heal all wounds . . .

 

[tallybee]

Oh hon that must be horrible to experience that. I agree though she probably felt and feels terrible about saying that once she calmed down. She's at 'that age' which is no excuse for behaviour like that but she's probably really confused. All you and your husband can do is show her that although that was unacceptable the door's always open and she's not getting sidelined.

Good luck

 

[N1kki]

give her time if she doesnt want to know then thats her problem im afraid,if you've tried from the start dont stress yourself!

 

[seoj]

Ah hun... I am a bit shocked by her reaction! What a horrible thing to hear... I'm sure she doesn't mean what she said, but obviously feels left out and hurt. At her age there are ALL these new emotions and feeling running around and she doesn't necessarily understand them all or how to deal with them in a rational way. Plus, she was an only child for however long before and went through the "spotlight" adjustment after the new additions to her family... meaning, she no longer has the spotlight on JUST her... it's a tough and frustrating adjustment to go through. Not only for her, but for you and your daughter as well.

If you are open to counseling, I would highly recommend it. Having a 3rd party to listen and advise can sometimes be what people need. It certainly may be worth a try. She may need a little time on her own as well- so she feels heard and validated. Maybe if you both understand why she is behaving this way (she may not know why either)- then she can vocalize her feelings instead of acting out and saying mean things.

One thing you may also try is asking her to help out more when she is at your house. Make her feel that she has a "role" in being a big sister. Let her know that her love and help will make her little brother or sister appreciate her that much more... she is already a big sis to your 6 yr old... maybe if she starts bonding with her she may be more open to bonding with the new baby when he/she comes?

Hope some of this helps... Best of luck!!!!!

 

[Chantibug]

she sounds like a catty teenager and tbh it's good she is not living with and therefore influencing the 6 yr old.
If you and your husband can agree to go to a family counselor, I would definitely do that.
As for her "disowing" you and him adn the baby... Well, remind her she doesn't "own" any of you anyhow, but that deciding to not acknowledge the growing family isn't what families do... Also, and t his may seem harsh, limit her christmas gifts this year (if celebrated), because personally if my child treated me this way, I would not go out of my way to be nice... 14 is old enough to act mature.

 

[ttcEmiy]

Chantibug, I totally agree with you!! the situation has only got worse and she just keeps getting mean and hurtful. We decided not to send her any gifts this year, because she refused to come to our house. Hopefully its just a phase and she will grow out of it and get over herself

 

[xxembobxx]

No advice I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run.
My 17 yr old has become very jealous of my 10yr old (they have different fathers) and we haven't figured out what to do yet! It got to the point where she stated she hated her younger sister. The worst thing was I believe she actually meant it.
She did apologise and knows she went too far though.

If your stepdaughter cannot apologise then she needs time out to realise how self-centred and nasty she has been. I think she should know she is loved but that what she has said is unacceptable behaviour.

 

[jbarefield74]

I'm sorry... I don't know what to say..

 

[Mummy2B21]

Sounds like his daughter may feel maybe she's 2nd best or want attention seeing as she was also jealous of a 6 year old, it is disgusting what she has said but i would try to resolve things one of you need a one to one with her were she can express her feelings/worries ect and feel like shes part of things at her age they go through so many changes and generally want to be made feel more adult and independant and part of things.