Ladies who had to transfer...

[Linzi]

how do you feel about it now?

I'm struggling to get over the way my daughters birth went last August. Everything was fine until they told me I needed to go into hospital for whatever reason (reasons that could be anything - I was told because Molly had inhaled meconium, hubby was told because I was hemorrhaging, hospital/ambulance was told because of retained placenta).

I feel like a failure for not sticking up for myself more and not going in. If I'd just stayed at home then everything would have been fine and I probably wouldn't have gone through what I have the past few months (resulted in severe PND, eventually being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and being visited by a CPN every week).

Does anyone else feel like that for transferring so easily? I feel weak, like I gave in. I should have stuck up for myself more. Is that normal?

 

[ljo1984]

oh my god i know exactly how you feel, in fact i posted a thread not so long ago about it. i was transfered in after my waters broke and there was mec in it. said i was 3-4 cm and needed to be monitored incase shes in distress. i had her 50 mins after they broke and within half hour of leaving home, i was pushing on arrival!!

at first i was gutted but happy with having given birth with some gas and air during transfer only as imogen was pitocin, epidural forceps (hence why wanting to stay at home and go natrual from then on!) but as times gone on its really getting to me, that my pool was set up and i was about to get in, that she was so close to being born at home despite being 3-4 cm before i left, i was fully effaced and the mw wouldnt let me walk to the ambulance, she knew it was gonna go quick, why couldnt i stay, why didnt i refuse when i picked up what she was saying to paramedics. i knew in myself she wasnt distressed that it was because she was "over due". but then im weak and go along with stuff, my oh even more so! everytime i hear of someone acheiving a hb now im so happy for them but at the same time i get a twang of jealousy and a sence of being a failure. im also wrrying about next time, whats gonna go wrong to make me not have a hb again? cause surly m just destined to never get the perfect labour/birth i want.
so i know how you feel and its nice in a way to know someone else feels so similar to me, even though i wish you didnt feel like this, your far from a failure, your baby was born where you wanted her to be, its just afterwards and its quite bad it wasnt made clear to you why you were transfered. have you tried requesting to look at your note to determine why? sending big hugs to you. xxx

 

[ljo1984]

oh god your in leeds too! we should get together and wollow ha ha. xx

 

[Linzi]

aw hun where abouts do you live? have yu been t the leeds homebirth support group? going always makes me feel loads better theres some amazing women there who are very supportive, though admittedly i havent been strong enough to go for a while. hoping to pull myself together and go to the next one

I kind of buried all this away for a while and its all come back to the suirface when I got an appointment for a debreif in a couple of weeks. my labour and even birth were fine but it just pretty much all began when she was born, she had the cord round her neck twice. youd think not too uncommon but apparently the midwife i had didnt know how to deal with it

 

[bubbles]

You are not a failure hun, you did what you thought you had to at that moment in time. If anything the MW failed, she should have been straight with you all (including the hospital). Do you think it may be worth arranging a meeting with the midwife in question or even Com. Midwife manager to discuss the issue? You may be able to find out the actual reason for transfer rather than constantly guessing at which of the three reasons given by the MW. Maybe take your CPN with you so they know the situation and can help you deal with it. I guess it all depends on how you would take any answers you got.


It does get better. I suffered in silence for over 2years, with what turned out to be PTSD rather than PND. I eventually spoke to someone after DD was born because the lack of feeling I had for DS was so much worse coupled with the dissappointment of not having my homebirth. Unfortunately because it's PTSD and not PND I no longer get a CPN, I do have someone visit me weekly for anxiety and a counsellor for the PTSD plus anti-ds.

 

[ljo1984]

i live in wortley, what about you?
i was gonna come to the group on sunday but my brother and sil are coming up to see us cause freya was in hospital over imogens birthday (when they were originally gonna come up), grrrrr. but if they go out or anything i might come but if not im definatly gonna try get to march one. is your debreif about your labour/birth then? if so how did you go about arranging it? also its quite bad that the mw didnt know how to deal with cord around neck, really odd!! xx

 

[Linzi]

I live in pudsey hun not far! Will do a proper reply when not on my phone x

 

[Mervs Mum]

While i totally repsect and acknowledge your feelings of failing, you didn't fail. It's incredibly hard in a situation like the one you found yourself in (and ljo too) to advocate for yourself. You're in labour and you're not supposed to be thinking rationally. Add to that your own personality - like ljo said its not in her nature or OHs to challenge in a situation like that and Lyns I've met you enough times to know while you're stronger than you realise, you're not as bolshy as me for instance (that's a compliment btw ) and even I would have found it difficult to advocate for myself at that point. My hubby is VERY outspoken but freely admits he wouldn't be able to challenge anything that might occur I'm labour as he would be too emotionally involved to think clearly, logically and not be suspetible to even the slightest emotional blackmail. You both/all did what felt right at the time. That's not failure. Yes with hindsight we often go through the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' but it's gone now and so it's about making peace with what happened and finding a way forward which you're doing with the debrief and coming to group etc. Our experiences, both positive and challenging help us to help others. We can share our stories and it helps people to learn. So please don't ever feel like a failure. It make have been very difficult for you at the time and since but as more time passes your experience will help others too. x