Odd Socks
Mummy to 2 girls.
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(Written on my iphone this morning while in hospital).
It's 7.23am 20 december & I'm holding my sleeping newborn 2nd daughter in my arms.
Lauren Maria entered into the world on 19 December 2011, 5 days after her edd weighing 8lb 4oz & measuring a whopping 56cm long!
I hadn't slept well the night before, had a few twinges, but didn't want to read too much into them because I didn't believe she was going to arrive any time soon. I woke at 7am, fed bella & then thought "maybe this is the start of something, mentioned it in passing to Phil & out of interest he decided to time a few. They weren't very regular. Some were close together but then very short, others 6-7 minutes apart & lasting 55 seconds or so. I figured we had loads of time, popped a couple of paracetemol, put the tens machine on & played with bella. Phil & I debated him going into work but I said I'd probably call him asking him to come home before lunch so he decided to stay home. Thinking I was probably in it for the longhaul, we thought I may as well keep active & we'd pop to the Trafford centre for a wander around & some lunch. The weather was horrible which was why we weren't venturing on a walk outside.
We left about 9.45am after packing my hospital bags Into the car & my contractions all but stopped in the car but when we arrived at the Trafford Centre I had quite a big one which took my breath away. However, we went in & looked in a few shops & let bella wander around holding our hands for a while. At the Disney store at about 11.15am I had a contraction which left me feeling faint, so Phil led me outside, sat me on a bench (I immediately stood up, held onto bella's pushchair, closed my eyes & breathed through the contraction like my hypnobirthing cd had guided me in the weeks before the birth. I quickly realised that standing was more bearable than sitting! Phil, meanwhile, was getting the "juice, any juice" I demanded from the concession next to us & when I opened my eyes he passed it to me - that juice was amazing!
I suggested to Phil that we grabbed an early lunch. I was most concerned about bella having something but it had to be something quick - I couldn't do a sit down, wait to be served meal so sent Phil to get us a subway while I sat at a table with bella. I couldn't eat a lot & had a couple more contractions as we were sitting down, with the tens, they weren't too unbearable but I knew we'd need to head home as when I was walking, the contractions were more intense & closer, though I still believed we had a long time to go.
It took a while to walk back to the car because I kept stopping to hold onto Phil (leaning my head on him & breathing helped) every 2-3 minutes. But we made it & I knew when I sat in the car, it'd be more bearable (the car was amazing for easing them & slowing them & I managed to doze off a little between them as they slowed to every 7 minutes, lasting a minute or so each. Bella was asleep when we got home so we sat in the car with her & I rested a while longer, dreading the moment I moved & they'd hit me thick & fast (it was as if the moment I stood up, my body would catch up on all the contractions it had missed. & quite right, as soon as I was up, there they were!
I called triage after the next set to see if a midwife could come & examine me, & the midwife on the phone commented on how calm I was considering I had 2 contractions during the call! I ran a bath desperate to get in! A midwife called me back & arrived within minutes - she came up mid contraction & also said how calm I was. She took my blood pressure, 100 / 60 & listened to baby's heartbeat & also checked her position, head down...then time for the internal examination. All the while I was contracting every 2 minutes or so. I prepared myself to hear I was 1cm dilated, but she said I was 4-5cm with my membranes bulging & with the rate the contractions were coming, to go to hospital right away. She called ahead & asked them to start running the birthing pool for me & I told Phil we'd need to take bella with us & get his parents to collect her there (the midwife agreed this was the best option). By this time it was about 2pm & it took me 10 minutes to get to the car.
The drive was light relief. I managed a bit of shut eye & found breathing through contractions was getting more difficult as well as feeling pressure in my bum which I mentioned. There was a bit of traffic so I kept my eyes closed in order to not notice. When we got to the hospital, there was no parking, so I got out & went to the deivery suite while Phil found parking further away. I knew I needed to get into the hospital as soon as possible. The lift up was agony & I went to the delivery suite where I'd been told to go as the midwife led unit pools were being used when the midwife called earlier (they joked it was like a full moon!), but they'd managed to get me a pool in the midwife led unit & were just cleaning the room. So I had to get the lift again & almost ran in (2.55pm) begged for gas & air when I saw a canister, they said I could wait in the room while it was being cleaned, which felt like the best idea. I took the g&a & quickly realised that 4 breaths into each contraction was the worst of it so counted down those 4 breaths each time - I could handle counting to 4! I was still using the tens at this point (with bella, I took it off very early into the labour) & waited for the pool to be ready (they said about half an hour). The midwives were still commenting on how calm I was & between contractions I was telling them how different it felt to my last labour. Phil & bella came up about 3.15pm & bella was a star, having cuddles, looking in the pool, climbing onto the chair, playing with phil's car keys & was completely unphased by everything. I really think my calmness helped. Baby & I were checked again, my blood pressure was still 100 / 60 & baby's heartbeat was fine.
At 3.25pm the pool was ready. I started spurting off something about how I'd get in naked. Then said I'd keep my knickers on. Then realised what a dumb idea that was & took them off, apologising for my lack of inhibitions, pulled the tens machine off & got into the pool. As soon as I got in, my waters broke (in contrast with bella, when they broke very early in labour) & phil's parents arrived to collect bella. Phil went to take her downstairs, I gave her a kiss. He left the room at 3.27pm & within 30 seconds, I said the the midwife "she's coming!". The midwife tried to call Phil back but he was gone, so she sat with me & told me to just let my body work naturally. I remember it being painful, but not unbearably so, & keeping the g&a while pushing helped. I didn't feel like I was consciously making myself push, my body did all the work without me thinking about it & I zoned out, letting my body do the work for me. The whole experience felt surreal, I had a sense of déjà vu throughout, like "this is the most natural thing in the world, I can see what's happening before it's happening" type thing. Probably because I was pretty high on g&a. Lauren was placed into my arms at 3.35pm by the midwife & I just held her, looking at her. Phil came back into the room moments later to see me with our daughter, thanking the midwife over & over & telling her how amazing it was! Wow!
I had intended to get the injection to deliver the placenta, but stayed in the pool as I felt so calm. Phil cut the cord when it stopped pulsating & I delivered the placenta with a bit of g&a 15 minutes or so later. We named our daughter Lauren, the name we finally decided on 2 days before she was born.
Although Lauren was rooting for a feed, she wouldn't latch on in the pool so at about 4pm, Phil took her as the midwife helped me out. I began to feel quite dizzy by this point, so it took me a while to come round enough to get out of the pool. I had lost minimal blood (approximately 100ml) & the midwife examined me & said I'd need a couple of stitches for a teeny labial tear & that I also had a small graze (again, how different to b when I had a nasty 2nd degree tear which required 45 minutes of stitching & a surgeon to do it!) but that we could wait & I could feed Lauren first.
I took my first proper look at our daughter. The first thing I noticed was that she didn't look enormous, but her arms & legs were a lot chunkier than bella's had been. I guessed her weight at 8lb 8oz. Phil guessed 8lb & the midwife guessed 8lb 6oz. We managed to get Lauren latched on & she fed for over an hour, crying when she came off, I managed to latch her on myself (onto my left side, the side bella never latched onto!). After that, the midwife took her & weighed her & measured her - 8lb 4oz, 56cm long, head 34cm (bella, for reference was 7lb 1.5oz, 52cm long, head 37cm) & then she had a feed from my right breast (first latch helped by midwife & then later latched on by me). She was much more interested in feeding than bella was, who wasn't interested in a first feed until 18 hours old.
Phil took Lauren & she settled for him about 5pm & I had the couple of stitches after going for a wee (passed urine fine). I had g&a whilst being stitched up (though honestly, I didn't really need it after the local!) & then was up & about.
I had so many wonderful comments about how calm I was & all the midwives congratulated me & told me that was the way to do it. I think I became quite infamous on the ward that afternoon!
Our first night has been pretty uneventful. Lauren had another breastfeed 9-1030pm & then fell asleep in my arms. I put her in her crib at 1130pm, she stirred 10 minutes later but fell asleep within seconds of me stroking her head. & then slept until I woke her at 6am! I'd woken several times in the night with uterus contracting pains but trusted Lauren to wake when she needed to. At 6am I woke her to change her & offer her a feed. She took a feed about 6.30am not interested in one before then & fed on & off until 8am. Now, she's fast asleep once more (it's 9.11am) having been transferred to the crib so I could have some breakfast.
Me...my goodness. I feel completely euphoric. Giving birth naturally was the experience I always wanted. Bella's birth, I've always thought of as being quite a forgettable experience. It wasn't how I'd planned things, it was physically & emotionally tough. It wasn't traumatic, don't get me wrong, but I didn't really feel any sense of achievement afterwards. & I was almost convinced that maybe I just wasn't cut out for a natural birth. Who knew, almost 17 months to the day later, I would have an amazing, natural (I don't count g&a as being "proper" pain relief & I don't care if anyone disagrees here), FAST waterbirth with my second daughter? The sense of empowerment is amazing. I am so, so proud of myself for doing that, for remaining calm, for giving Lauren the best start in her life
I'll never forget it.
It's 7.23am 20 december & I'm holding my sleeping newborn 2nd daughter in my arms.
Lauren Maria entered into the world on 19 December 2011, 5 days after her edd weighing 8lb 4oz & measuring a whopping 56cm long!
I hadn't slept well the night before, had a few twinges, but didn't want to read too much into them because I didn't believe she was going to arrive any time soon. I woke at 7am, fed bella & then thought "maybe this is the start of something, mentioned it in passing to Phil & out of interest he decided to time a few. They weren't very regular. Some were close together but then very short, others 6-7 minutes apart & lasting 55 seconds or so. I figured we had loads of time, popped a couple of paracetemol, put the tens machine on & played with bella. Phil & I debated him going into work but I said I'd probably call him asking him to come home before lunch so he decided to stay home. Thinking I was probably in it for the longhaul, we thought I may as well keep active & we'd pop to the Trafford centre for a wander around & some lunch. The weather was horrible which was why we weren't venturing on a walk outside.
We left about 9.45am after packing my hospital bags Into the car & my contractions all but stopped in the car but when we arrived at the Trafford Centre I had quite a big one which took my breath away. However, we went in & looked in a few shops & let bella wander around holding our hands for a while. At the Disney store at about 11.15am I had a contraction which left me feeling faint, so Phil led me outside, sat me on a bench (I immediately stood up, held onto bella's pushchair, closed my eyes & breathed through the contraction like my hypnobirthing cd had guided me in the weeks before the birth. I quickly realised that standing was more bearable than sitting! Phil, meanwhile, was getting the "juice, any juice" I demanded from the concession next to us & when I opened my eyes he passed it to me - that juice was amazing!
I suggested to Phil that we grabbed an early lunch. I was most concerned about bella having something but it had to be something quick - I couldn't do a sit down, wait to be served meal so sent Phil to get us a subway while I sat at a table with bella. I couldn't eat a lot & had a couple more contractions as we were sitting down, with the tens, they weren't too unbearable but I knew we'd need to head home as when I was walking, the contractions were more intense & closer, though I still believed we had a long time to go.
It took a while to walk back to the car because I kept stopping to hold onto Phil (leaning my head on him & breathing helped) every 2-3 minutes. But we made it & I knew when I sat in the car, it'd be more bearable (the car was amazing for easing them & slowing them & I managed to doze off a little between them as they slowed to every 7 minutes, lasting a minute or so each. Bella was asleep when we got home so we sat in the car with her & I rested a while longer, dreading the moment I moved & they'd hit me thick & fast (it was as if the moment I stood up, my body would catch up on all the contractions it had missed. & quite right, as soon as I was up, there they were!
I called triage after the next set to see if a midwife could come & examine me, & the midwife on the phone commented on how calm I was considering I had 2 contractions during the call! I ran a bath desperate to get in! A midwife called me back & arrived within minutes - she came up mid contraction & also said how calm I was. She took my blood pressure, 100 / 60 & listened to baby's heartbeat & also checked her position, head down...then time for the internal examination. All the while I was contracting every 2 minutes or so. I prepared myself to hear I was 1cm dilated, but she said I was 4-5cm with my membranes bulging & with the rate the contractions were coming, to go to hospital right away. She called ahead & asked them to start running the birthing pool for me & I told Phil we'd need to take bella with us & get his parents to collect her there (the midwife agreed this was the best option). By this time it was about 2pm & it took me 10 minutes to get to the car.
The drive was light relief. I managed a bit of shut eye & found breathing through contractions was getting more difficult as well as feeling pressure in my bum which I mentioned. There was a bit of traffic so I kept my eyes closed in order to not notice. When we got to the hospital, there was no parking, so I got out & went to the deivery suite while Phil found parking further away. I knew I needed to get into the hospital as soon as possible. The lift up was agony & I went to the delivery suite where I'd been told to go as the midwife led unit pools were being used when the midwife called earlier (they joked it was like a full moon!), but they'd managed to get me a pool in the midwife led unit & were just cleaning the room. So I had to get the lift again & almost ran in (2.55pm) begged for gas & air when I saw a canister, they said I could wait in the room while it was being cleaned, which felt like the best idea. I took the g&a & quickly realised that 4 breaths into each contraction was the worst of it so counted down those 4 breaths each time - I could handle counting to 4! I was still using the tens at this point (with bella, I took it off very early into the labour) & waited for the pool to be ready (they said about half an hour). The midwives were still commenting on how calm I was & between contractions I was telling them how different it felt to my last labour. Phil & bella came up about 3.15pm & bella was a star, having cuddles, looking in the pool, climbing onto the chair, playing with phil's car keys & was completely unphased by everything. I really think my calmness helped. Baby & I were checked again, my blood pressure was still 100 / 60 & baby's heartbeat was fine.
At 3.25pm the pool was ready. I started spurting off something about how I'd get in naked. Then said I'd keep my knickers on. Then realised what a dumb idea that was & took them off, apologising for my lack of inhibitions, pulled the tens machine off & got into the pool. As soon as I got in, my waters broke (in contrast with bella, when they broke very early in labour) & phil's parents arrived to collect bella. Phil went to take her downstairs, I gave her a kiss. He left the room at 3.27pm & within 30 seconds, I said the the midwife "she's coming!". The midwife tried to call Phil back but he was gone, so she sat with me & told me to just let my body work naturally. I remember it being painful, but not unbearably so, & keeping the g&a while pushing helped. I didn't feel like I was consciously making myself push, my body did all the work without me thinking about it & I zoned out, letting my body do the work for me. The whole experience felt surreal, I had a sense of déjà vu throughout, like "this is the most natural thing in the world, I can see what's happening before it's happening" type thing. Probably because I was pretty high on g&a. Lauren was placed into my arms at 3.35pm by the midwife & I just held her, looking at her. Phil came back into the room moments later to see me with our daughter, thanking the midwife over & over & telling her how amazing it was! Wow!
I had intended to get the injection to deliver the placenta, but stayed in the pool as I felt so calm. Phil cut the cord when it stopped pulsating & I delivered the placenta with a bit of g&a 15 minutes or so later. We named our daughter Lauren, the name we finally decided on 2 days before she was born.
Although Lauren was rooting for a feed, she wouldn't latch on in the pool so at about 4pm, Phil took her as the midwife helped me out. I began to feel quite dizzy by this point, so it took me a while to come round enough to get out of the pool. I had lost minimal blood (approximately 100ml) & the midwife examined me & said I'd need a couple of stitches for a teeny labial tear & that I also had a small graze (again, how different to b when I had a nasty 2nd degree tear which required 45 minutes of stitching & a surgeon to do it!) but that we could wait & I could feed Lauren first.
I took my first proper look at our daughter. The first thing I noticed was that she didn't look enormous, but her arms & legs were a lot chunkier than bella's had been. I guessed her weight at 8lb 8oz. Phil guessed 8lb & the midwife guessed 8lb 6oz. We managed to get Lauren latched on & she fed for over an hour, crying when she came off, I managed to latch her on myself (onto my left side, the side bella never latched onto!). After that, the midwife took her & weighed her & measured her - 8lb 4oz, 56cm long, head 34cm (bella, for reference was 7lb 1.5oz, 52cm long, head 37cm) & then she had a feed from my right breast (first latch helped by midwife & then later latched on by me). She was much more interested in feeding than bella was, who wasn't interested in a first feed until 18 hours old.
Phil took Lauren & she settled for him about 5pm & I had the couple of stitches after going for a wee (passed urine fine). I had g&a whilst being stitched up (though honestly, I didn't really need it after the local!) & then was up & about.
I had so many wonderful comments about how calm I was & all the midwives congratulated me & told me that was the way to do it. I think I became quite infamous on the ward that afternoon!
Our first night has been pretty uneventful. Lauren had another breastfeed 9-1030pm & then fell asleep in my arms. I put her in her crib at 1130pm, she stirred 10 minutes later but fell asleep within seconds of me stroking her head. & then slept until I woke her at 6am! I'd woken several times in the night with uterus contracting pains but trusted Lauren to wake when she needed to. At 6am I woke her to change her & offer her a feed. She took a feed about 6.30am not interested in one before then & fed on & off until 8am. Now, she's fast asleep once more (it's 9.11am) having been transferred to the crib so I could have some breakfast.
Me...my goodness. I feel completely euphoric. Giving birth naturally was the experience I always wanted. Bella's birth, I've always thought of as being quite a forgettable experience. It wasn't how I'd planned things, it was physically & emotionally tough. It wasn't traumatic, don't get me wrong, but I didn't really feel any sense of achievement afterwards. & I was almost convinced that maybe I just wasn't cut out for a natural birth. Who knew, almost 17 months to the day later, I would have an amazing, natural (I don't count g&a as being "proper" pain relief & I don't care if anyone disagrees here), FAST waterbirth with my second daughter? The sense of empowerment is amazing. I am so, so proud of myself for doing that, for remaining calm, for giving Lauren the best start in her life
I'll never forget it.
x
