Leaving a 6 week old with grandparents overnight....

[onetwothreebp]

I don't believe anyone here has been 'vicious' what a strong word to use :s

I disagree. I think a lot of people were harsh on her. I mean, for pages people discussed how she shouldn't be partying and it's time to grow up because she chose to have a child and in the end, a different commenter brought up partying, the OP didn't.

I think you can say things like "in my opinion" and "personally" but still get a negative point of view across.

 

[Twister]

I wouldn't have been able to leave my baby at 6 weeks old, especially not over night. But I totally understand that some people can and do. I do however think that all weekend, every weekend is excessive. Especially if Daddy works during the week. I don't see the big deal with it happening every once in a while, or even just one evening/night a week. I haven't left my LO for longer than 2 hours at a time, but I do have a few things planned after her first birthday for me and oh which will require her to stay at her grandparents/great grandparents house over night. But I don't feel comfortable with leaving her over night just yet.

I also grieve my old life even now, so I totally get where you're coming from there. It's a big adjustment.

 

[sevenofnine]

I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.

I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I read something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "personally" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!

I thought that the whole point of using the word "personally" was to make the point that it's your own personal decision? So I don't think people were trying to be rude... they were just giving their opinions.

But, I digress.

In the end, as other posters have said, if everyone is happy with the situation, then the OP should have no problems.

Well yeah technically it is but I know I've said it before and it was my way of saying "wow, you would really do that? I NEVER could" Yeah I've been known to be catty myself sometimes so I know the "sly" way of saying things....not proudly

LOL OK I can see where you're coming from with athat. I guess that's another thing... it's so hard [impossible] to read intonation online. I am naive and reading everything as pleasant[ish] conversation!

I think we need a feature where we record our thread responses so others can play them back and hear HOW we say it...

 

[smallpeanut]

I don't believe anyone here has been 'vicious' what a strong word to use :s

I disagree. I think a lot of people were harsh on her. I mean, for pages people discussed how she shouldn't be partying and it's time to grow up because she chose to have a child and in the end, a different commenter brought up partying, the OP didn't.

I think you can say things like "in my opinion" and "personally" but still get a negative point of view across.

IMO vicious would be posting with the intent to upset the op. She asked is it bad parenting. I don't agree with leaving my baby every week. I put my opinion across but said maybe its just me and I'm to attached. I made it light hearted.

I dont see why everyone is expected to fluff up a post however when asked for opinions. People disagree. What works for some obviously won't work for others. I also think people are quick to get offended don't ask for opinions if it's going to upset you when people don't agree. No ones been nasty with it.

 

[aliss]

I left Alex several nights per week starting a few weeks later (9 weeks), 7pm-7am, although I was at work. I didn't have to work, I chose to. I wanted a bit of normalcy and to maintain my life. I do actually regret it, because looking back, I was trying to force my old life back in rather than focus on bonding in those critical early months. I guess now, in hindsight, I am of the opinion that 6 weeks should be spent in a robe snuggled on the couch if possible. I wish I had done that. That's just ME of course and I'm sure plenty of people are fine with the choice they made (to go out) but it's another thing to consider.

 

[tinytabby]

I am not sure why the op actually asked the question - she wouldn't have thought everyone would agree, it's a contentious issue.

 

[tinytabby]

I left Alex several nights per week starting a few weeks later (9 weeks), 7pm-7am, although I was at work. I didn't have to work, I chose to. I wanted a bit of normalcy and to maintain my life. I do actually regret it, because looking back, I was trying to force my old life back in rather than focus on bonding in those critical early months. I guess now, in hindsight, I am of the opinion that 6 weeks should be spent in a robe snuggled on the couch if possible. I wish I had done that. That's just ME of course and I'm sure plenty of people are fine with the choice they made (to go out) but it's another thing to consider.

I have to say, I have endured comments from other mothers when I went back to work (part time when LO was 8 months) 'oh I could never leave my LO like that.' It sucks, but I think working is different from 'escaping' from your child!

 

[SaraEmily]

I know the OP has stated that she was actually looking for reassurance, but she asked for OPINIONS, and people have given theirs. Nobody has called OP a bad mom, so I don't see a problem.

 

[onetwothreebp]

She asked for reassurance, not assumptions that she was partying, lol. However, she doesn't seem offended and most posters have been polite in their opinioned replies.

 

[icklemonster]

We go out every fortnight for a datenight or night out with friends while Charlotte stays with either set of Grandparents for the evening. I express milk during the week to give me the break. Admittedly, she hasn't been away from us all night as we stay at their house after we've been out, but this is because we live out of town, so it makes sense to stay theirs. Nor do I get drunk, but I do often have a couple of glasses of wine.

I was bought up staying at my Grandparents every Saturday night to give my mum a break. And do you know what, I loved it. OK, so Nan used to spoil me rotten, but that was as negative as it got. I am super close to both my Mum and Grandparents, in fact my whole family, is very close knit, and until I moved out here, everyone lived within 2 miles of eachother. I guess as I grew up with this routine, and I consider myself a well turned out individual, it is the norm to leave LO. I am surprised some people see it as such a negative. For me, going out every week is too much - but probably only because I'm 30 and too old to go out every week lol - my Mum was only 20 when she had me.

I don't go back to work until January and DH works in our village, so we spend so much time with Charlotte. When I do return to work 3 days a week, the Grandparents are sharing daycare so it is vital to me that Charlotte is comfortable and happy with them.
Yes my life has changed immensely having a baby, but not completely. I truly believe you can have a regular night out and still be an amazing parent. Also, datenights are so good for mine and DH's relationship.

OP - if the situation suits you go for it! xxx

 

[smallpeanut]

She didn't ask for reassurance. She expected it prehaps. Either way she is opening up for different replies which she got. I'm certainly not vicious we all disagree. It doesn't make us bad people. That's the beauty of the Internet. Take what you need and ignore the rest.

 

[SaraEmily]

She asked for reassurance, not assumptions that she was partying, lol. However, she doesn't seem offended and most posters have been polite in their opinioned replies.

I'm pretty sure people mentioned partying because the OP said she wanted to have drinks with friends. And she originally asked for honest opinions.

 

[Noelle610]

I think we're going in circles here now

Here's my takeaway from everyone's responses:

• Try one night and see how you feel
• Every weekend may be too much
• Every person has a different comfort level when it comes to being apart from their child
• It's normal to grieve your old life when you have a new baby
• Time away can be refreshing
• You may find you miss the baby and would prefer to stay on the couch and cuddle

Did I miss anything?

BnB hug??

 

[smallpeanut]

Aint nothing like a BnB hug to put everything right!

Count me in....

 

[Nela]

This is my opinion, and my opinion only. What works for one, doesn't work for another. Some people fall into the role more naturally, some people need more time finding that comfort and juggling various aspects of life. Whilst I would not do it weekly myself, I certainly would be open to going out here and there when I want to if I have someone I am 100% comfortable watching over LO. (I don't have a social life so it's really not in my nature to want out but I am sure I will appreciate some alone time with OH once baby is here) I think if it helps you destress and have a better appreciation for the time you do have with your LO, then that could be a good thing. I'd be very careful about drinking too much (just saying, not assuming you would) as you are still a mom above all and need to be able to react and stay in control if something were to happen even while LO is not in your care. But anywho, myself, I would rather a mom be able to admit that she needs time away than she force herself to stay home while she's feeling like she needs a break and cannot escape. I don't think that's much better really. I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more.

 

[sevenofnine]

I think we're going in circles here now

Here's my takeaway from everyone's responses:

• Try one night and see how you feel
• Every weekend may be too much
• Every person has a different comfort level when it comes to being apart from their child
• It's normal to grieve your old life when you have a new baby
• Time away can be refreshing
• You may find you miss the baby and would prefer to stay on the couch and cuddle

Did I miss anything?

BnB hug??

The mods should erase everything and just leave this!

 

[HanaK]

I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more.

The first six weeks are VERY hard and *whispers* very boring... I hated them. If I could have given my LO to someone else at times I would. Now though, we have our evenings back as he goes to bed and I don't feel so trapped. In fact, I don't feel the need to have LO babysat too often (we have plenty of willing babysitters) as OH and I get time to ourselves each evening. On Friday we had friends round and LO was fussed over until we put him to bed. Once asleep (8pm) we sat in the garden, drinking beer and eating pizza. The only difference from my previous life was that we kicked everyone out at 11pm instead of the small hours... This suits me better anyways as I like my sleep and I hate hangovers!

Anyway, my point is, your life doesn't have to change *completely*, although it certainly feels like it might have at the beginning.. You can get it back!

 

[babyrough]

I don't see an issue, i take my LO to my mums ALL the time because they have a great relationship, he loves being there! I stayed at my Grandparents most weekends, and if i wasn't there i was at my dads. I Loved it as i got older!
My mum has LO if i ever want to go out with friends, its not every weekend but probably once a month. i first left him overnight at 4 weeks old- and i missed him so much but i didnt feel guilty one bit.
Do whatever works for you

 

[jessicatunnel]

I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more.

The first six weeks are VERY hard and *whispers* very boring... I hated them. If I could have given my LO to someone else at times I would. Now though, we have our evenings back as he goes to bed and I don't feel so trapped. In fact, I don't feel the need to have LO babysat too often (we have plenty of willing babysitters) as OH and I get time to ourselves each evening. On Friday we had friends round and LO was fussed over until we put him to bed. Once asleep (8pm) we sat in the garden, drinking beer and eating pizza. The only difference from my previous life was that we kicked everyone out at 11pm instead of the small hours... This suits me better anyways as I like my sleep and I hate hangovers!

Anyway, my point is, your life doesn't have to change *completely*, although it certainly feels like it might have at the beginning.. You can get it back!

This is what we do. Once a month or so we will have friends over at our house, barbecue, have pizza, beers in the backyard just general fun. We enjoy this because its in our own home, lo is right upstairs and we never ever get drunk so that if she needs us, we are right there for her in the right state of mind. Its our way of being parents but still having a piece of our old life back. I think its absolutely normal to miss your old life, especially when the baby wasn't planned. Ours was and I still grieved my old life back, especially in the early days.
We've found something that works for us where we can still be parents and hang out with friends like we used to, its what we are comfortable with, so I think the op just needs to find a right balance, something she is comfortable with. If that's leaving her baby with grandparents one night a week, so be it.

 

[MetalMaiden]

I hate even leaving my baby for 2 hours with her grandparents (and not because I don't trust them), that's just me. They offered at 6 weeks many times while I was in the province visiting but I said hell no. She still hasn't been away from me overnight (or longer than 3 hours). Do what u need to do... Were u ready for a baby? Guess it's none of my business...