Leaving baby in the NICU

[mom and ttc]

hi, dont know if this is the right place to post it since Silas is not a preemie, he was born at 37+1 and weight 5.12 lbs, 19 inches

he had problems with his breathing, a fever and got admitted to the NICU. I had a fever also, and he has an infection according to his bloodwork. he is on 2 antibiotics. his breathing is great and all problems are resolved, he can also regulate this bodytemp now and is in a regular basinett.
However his bloodwork wasnt great and he needs to stay until monday (at least) and tonight he will get tested for jaundice also. i was supposed to go home today but got another night, dont think i can stay longer. we live 10 miles away from the hospital which is good, we also have 2 yr old and i cannot come in every 2.5 hrs for his feeding.
i will pump and come 4-5 times a day and stay 2 hrs each...roughly planned.

how do i pack my stuff and go home without a baby??? i have been crying a lot about it, do not think i can cope with leaving my baby?

 

[25weeker]

Hello & Welcome

Of course you are welcome here. I think in some ways it's probably a bigger shock for fullterm mums when their baby's go to neonatal because us prem mum's know it's inevitable.

Glad to hear he is doing much better with his breathing.

No real advise on how you can leave the hospital because for me it was different. I had been in hospital for over a month on bedrest so was climbing the walls by the time I was allowed to leave and my babies were so small and sick it wasn't even imaginable taking them home.

I hope the next few days go quickly and your baby is home with you xx

 

[FoxMommy]

I have no helpful advice to make it easier, however I can let you know you aren't alone. Enlist the help of grandmas, aunts, uncles, etc to watch the two year old so you can visit more. Call the NiCU just to ask how your wee one is when you miss them. Lean on your OH. Ask ppl for help cooking etc so you can breathe and focus on the time you are home with your other child. Oh yeah, and cry. Thats perfectly acceptable. Leaving the hospital without my daughter was the hardest thing I had to do, and I had no other children so was able to be there 14-18 hours a day.

 

[SurferMommy]

I would've posted here too! Yes, Silas isn't a preemie (Lovely name btw), but you are going through something similar to what us preemie mums experienced, so you're very welcome here!
I know it's hard, but you just have to think he's in good hands and just focus on bringing him home! My twins were born 7 weeks early. One significantly bigger than the other. After a few weeks we brought 1 home, while our other son remained in the NICU. It was heartbreaking. But I got over it. I just thought, 'well he's lucky to be here. So if he needs that extra bit of help, then don't worry, he's in the best care right now'. Good luck. We're here if you need us xx

 

[Foogirl]

I agree with 25 weeker. Much as it is really hard for us preemie mums, most of us have had some (even if only a little) notice our babies were going to require NNICU care. And when you see a tiny scrap in an incubator you know they HAVE to be there, and in our case we were too afraid to even touch her. But for full termers, you have a fully cooked wee one who shouldn't need to be there at all and often its been a trouble free pregnancy and birth then BAM it hits.

Going home without them is unbearable for some, it was easier for me because I rationalised it with the fact she was better off where she was and this way both of us could become stronger for when she got home. It was my way of dealing with it, but I do understand it doesn't work for everybody. Like 25 weeker, my stay in hospital had become unbearable and so it was better for me to go home.

We did 6 weeks in NNICU and its easy to assume that if your stay is "only" til Monday then you're in a better position than most of us, but again, it was the first week which was the hardest. I would give two pieces of advice. Keep yourself busy, but also give yourself time to rest. The time will go past quickly and your LO will be home before you know it.

Bliss, the special care baby charity offer help and support for all parents with babies in Neonatal, not just for preemies. There may even be support group in your area. www.bliss.org.uk

 

[swalumni]

I had this when my guy was born at 38w5d and was life flighted after a pretty routine birth. Scared the crap out of all of us and was completely unexpected. After getting him stable, we decided to go home (hospital was out of state and other child at home) and it was heartwrenching. The best thing I found for me was to call NICU every 2-3 hours for check ins, taking a bath, crying when I needed to, and prepping stuff for when we knew he would be home. I think it was the WORST at night when I knew he'd be awake and I wasnt there. I just had to cry, rest, and countdown to when I would see him again.

I'm so glad you have an end in sight. I cant imagine being there for months at a time and I give all NICU moms some major props. We are an amazing group of mamas and just because you arent physically there doesnt mean you arent being the best mom you can be.

 

[dizz]

One of the few things that was well-handled when our daughter was born was the access to NICU to be honest. They give the parents swipe cards to access it and you can go visit anytime - I was regularly in there at 4am when things felt at their worst - granted, I was still an inmate in the hospital myself, but I think I would have been the same if I'd been at home - during the day there was more distraction. Mind you - escaping late night crying baby, distraught mummy bleakness of a maternity ward was a powerful lure as well!

I also found it a better time to get a less rushed conversation with the staff regarding her condition and progress to be honest.

 

[preemiepride]

I think it is the hardest thing to do, leave your baby. But baby needs to be in the NICU right now. We had 27 weeker and pushed and pushed for him to come home after 10 weeks and it was still too early. Looking back I wish he would have stayed another week. IF baby is sickand struggling with some issues let them do the 24 hour care and you spend the sweet time with your baby. What is really happening in there is so important and I assure you they will not keep your baby longer than they need to. But if there is something going on baby is right where baby needs to be! And stay on top of pumping! The NICU here had a pumping room with all the equipment there. They may even have some support groups at the hospital or Ronald Mcdonald House near the hospital.