Hi JD! Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better.
The onesies are adorable. hopefully that will help your wife feel more like the baby is hers! I can understand that-- i think my partner also sometimes feels distant from the pregnancy. Especially at the moment, since there's so little to see. And anytime she asks if i can feel it, i can only talk about exhaustion and nausea, or whether or not i puked... not exactly helpful.
I'm having a better day today physically-- although i have to say that is also scary -- what if it means something has stopped growing?
I know that it seems silly to worry, but it's actually not, because we've been on an emotional roller-coaster since last thursday, when i got a last-minute doctor's appointment to go in because my nausea was so terrible. They did a scan-- I was at 7 weeks, 4 days according to my LMP-- and they couldn't find the an embryo.
They hadn't found one at my initial appointment either, but that was only at like 5 weeks, so the doctor wasn't alarmed. this time he said that it's not really normal (though he was also still pretty relaxed about it), and said that he is really hoping that it shows up this week when I have my first official prenatal appointment on wednesday. He also explained that sometimes they just can't be located-- but that there is also a chance that it might be a blighted ovum. (It's also possible that since the pregnancy is actually situated very high in my uterus that he just hasn't found it yet-- apparently it's harder to maneuver the trans-vaginal ultrasound well when it's so far up-- but still. he found the gestational sac just find and could measure it, so why on earth can't they find the embryo?)
If it's a blightem ovum, that means that at some point-- probably due to a chromosomal abnormality-- the embryo just failed to develop or was reabsorbed. In that case, your body will probably miscarry at some point. But if not, then you can either be given medication to expel the baby (miscarry in the comfort of your own home) or have an operation to clear out the "pregnancy products"-- a "D&C".
At the moment all we can see is an empty gestational sac. (On a positive note, that sac is a bit larger than it actually should have been at 7-4... it's was more the size of 8 weeks, 3 days. But still...)
I don't know what to make of this, and although the doctor said not to presume it's a blighted ovum just yet-- it's hard to avoid going there. especially when you see the big empty sac on the screen.
on the one hand, why would the sac and the placenta still be developing if there was no baby. and why would i have such morning sickness and be so tired? on the other hand, if the sac has grown so well, shouldn't the baby be visible? reading on the internet doesn't help of course. some people find their babies later-- often at the last-minute scan right before the D & C. But many people also simply have the blighted ova ... and there is, indeed, no baby-- despite pregnancy symptoms and a gestational sac.
still some other people write about situations where they find a sac and no baby, but it's much smaller than it should be-- as if the baby stopped developing at some point, and so did the sac. (that seems to bode well in my case, since my sac seems to still be growing.)
the torturous thing about this is that there's no way to know yet-- we just have to wait it out. i guess it is possible that the baby would just be too small to see, or hiding somewhere (if it's small, located someplace that's hard to see).
but the waiting is *killing* me. I have been crying off and on every day since the appointment-- i think doing premature grieving so that it doesn't hurt so bad later if i find out there's no actual baby. my partner has also been sporadically upset, too... and we are both terribly tense.
Imagining having to go through surgery, and/or a miscarriage, and the process of TTC all over again is also just totally overwhelming.
Not to mention that every time i've felt sick or tired this weekend, i've felt like it's a total waste, i'm just sick from a pointless placenta, and burst into tears.
And now i'm also kicking myself for the fact that our donor is so much older-- he's 48-- because i feel like we've brought this on ourselves. (Most blighted ovum cases supposed happen due to chromosomal abnormalities-- and most are attributed to advanced maternal or paternal age. I'm 35 which is not that old... so it's hard not to think it's something with the sperm.)
Please think good thoughts for us, if you can. I feel quite alone right now-- especially with my mother, sister, and best friends in the states so far away. i could use the good vibes...
hope you all are okay... my current vote on the first trimester is that between the nausea and the exhaustion and the waiting to see a baby on the scan, this really sucks...
so I am super excited....I guess not so new to parenting but definitly new to pregnancy...
i'm sure it will be awesome to see the sonogram... yippee! i'm on pins and needles myself! so hoping that everything is okay with the little peanut...
