Letter to my little girl...

[Cassie10]

I haven't been on here much lately because honestly I've been doing everything I can to hold myself together and although I know you lovely ladies would understand how I feel I was just holding everything in.

Tomorrow is my due date and I've written a little letter to Brailynn that I'm going to tie on a balloon and release... I just wanted to share it with you all.

Brailynn,
Today is the day we were supposed to meet you for the very first time but God had other plans for you.

The very short 14 weeks that you were in my tummy were some of the most exciting days of my life! Your daddy and I already loved you so much.

We picked your name, bought things for you, listened to your heartbeat all the time, and so many other things! You were our little girl and we couldn't wait to show you the world and all the wonderful things in it.

When we found out you were sick that wonderful world suddenly stopped moving. My heart was breaking because I couldn't protect you. My job as your mommy was to protect you and I couldn't. You were just too sick.

I hope you know just how sorry I am for not keeping you safer. I love you with a love deeper then I have ever known Brailynn and I pray that somehow you knew that.

I also pray that you know just how much you are missed every second of every day. Your daddy and I now have a beautiful, tiny angel baby watching over us and I hope that I will get to see your sweet face someday.

I love you and miss you with all my heart baby girl.

Love,
Mommy

 

[blav]

Such a beautiful letter. I think she does know how much you love her. You did the best you could for her, and she knows that what happened was not your fault. I hope you are gentle on yourself tomorrow, I know it will be a hard day.

 

[due3may12]

aw that letter is so so sweet! but it wasnt your fault hun! believe me i feel the same way as you and want to blame myself everyday(i was 18weeks and am convinced it was something i done) but we cant blame ourselves or we wont be able to grieve properly and get stronger! im here if u need to talk netime!
all my love to you and your family!!
xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

That was beautiful It was NOT your fault in any way, in any way

 

[collie_crazy]

Cassie its beautiful I think about you and Brailynn often - your story is so similar to mine, with the evil Turner syndrome taking our princesses from us I hope Brailynns due date day was gentle on you Take care of yourself x

 

[mhazzab]

your letter is so sweet Brailynn knows how much you love her, I'm sure of that . I hope your due date wasn't too hard on you xxx

 

[Cassie10]

Thank you all so much... I pretty much did what I expected I would. I got off of work at 7 that morning, went home and the instant I saw my husband I broke down crying. We just lay there in bed crying, holding each other.

Fortunately I had alot to do that day with family so I was too busy to really dwell on it for too long. I cried on and off throughout the day. It's just a strange feeling to think that I should have a baby here with me right now.

My husband, sister, niece and I all had balloons with letters to Brailynn written on them and I also tied this letter I wrote to her on mine and my husbands so we could release it together. It was really touching that my niece and sister did it with us. My sister wrote "I wish I could have held you today on your birthday but I know I will get my chance one day. I love you and miss you!"

I feel better for right now... but if I've learned anything from this nightmare it's that right when I start to feel better it creeps right back up on me! Hopefully this time is different and now that the day I have dreaded for months has passed I will be able to heal properly.

 

[OliveBay]

What a lovely idea to send the letters up on a balloon. I hope you're feeling that things are slightly easier now the due date has passed. I am sure the sadness we feel never totally goes away but gets easier and less overpowering as time passes. I'm still not sure what we'll do on my due date in January, but people on here have given me so many good ideas.
Wishing you lots of happiness for the future

 

[Bride2b]

I just read your letter and I hope your ok (silly to say I know) but with every passing occasion I hope the pain gets easier to deal with. I so know what you mean about keeping her safe...thats something I struggle to deal with too.