Letting other people feed your baby

[CoffeePuffin]

Amelia has a cleft palate and requires special bottles, and a certain technique in order for her to be able to feed. I've been the only one to feed her since she was born as it takes a lot of practice, my partner has fed her a handful of times. I am perfectly happy being the only one that feeds her, especially as she has been having trouble lately and I need to know exactly how much she is having. My partner wants me to start letting his mum feed her so that him and I can go out to see a film. But I'm really not comfortable. She came to feed her yesterday, and I was guiding her on how to do it but she still wasn't doing it right. I might be being nit-picky, but to me, her feeding is a big deal especially since she's been sent to the failure to thrive department. It took a long time for me to get the technique just right for her to feed with ease. But the past week she has been really struggling and taking half her milk (possibly due to teething), so now more than ever I'm reluctant to let others feed her. I know they won't write down how much she's had as they don't think it's a big deal. I kept telling her to push the teat right against her mouth as she can't create a seal, but she wasn't doing it right and Millie had most of the milk coming down her chin. It also took a long time for her to feed her. I'm not supposed to let her go longer than 30 minutes because of her cleft she gets tired really quickly.

Does anyone else feel uneasy when others feed their baby? (not just babies with clefts, any baby).

My partner keeps rowing with me over it saying that I am being ridiculous and that we will never get to do anything together.

 

[socitycourty]

tell your oh that this won't last forever, you'll be able to go out alone easily when she's bigger. if you do have to leave her i would really be persistent in teaching people to feed her the right way......otherwise tell your OH you'll just be worried about her the whole time and most likely end up rushing home!

My LO was BF for the first 6 weeks so I was feeding all the time, and then she had to go on formula for reflux and she would not take her bottle from hardly anyone, not my DH, my mom or my sister. It's just now that she will take it from someone else and even then I worry about her with her reflux and coughing....

good luck!

 

[littlebabyboy]

Just stumbled across this thread, just want to say your LO is gorgeous!

 

[Indi84]

I don't have an issue with people feeding lo, hubby does half the feeds when home, and my mum and mil have fed him.
However he doesn't have a cleft palate or need a special way to feed him, I'm sure if he did I'd feel the same way you do, except about my dh, I'd expect him to do it equal as well as me.
If you feel uncomfortable then don't go, you'd only worry the whole time.

 

[CoffeePuffin]

I feel like such a cow. People make me feel as though I'm hogging her all for myself, but it's not like that at all. I just need to make sure she's having enough. After her operation when she's six months, I'm sure I'll feel much easier about others feeding her as they'll at least be able to feed her baby rice even if they can't give her bottle. I just wish people would understand.

 

[mommy0629]

I don't blame you at all hun. Our lo was a preemie and she is a little tricky to feed sometimes. She'll either start falling asleep or she just ends up sometimes being a little fussy when she's eating (she's really gassy no matter what we've tried and I think a lot of the time she's trying to push out gas while eating). The only people who feed her are me, Dh and my mom and it took my mom a LONG time to figure out how (she'd just let her stop when she fell asleep or fussed and was taking WAY too long, I mean the darn formula wasn't any good anymore and she'd still be trying to get lo to finish the last oz.).

My mom actually wouldn't feed her for a while because she just felt like she couldn't do it right and I was getting frustrated having to remind her how. She has no problem now though, it just took time. I'd say keep working with your MIL on teaching her how. Is she at least receptive to your instructions and trying to do it right? Or is she just ignoring you and doing it her way? IF she's at least trying, I'd say keep letting her "practice".

 

[CoffeePuffin]

I don't blame you at all hun. Our lo was a preemie and she is a little tricky to feed sometimes. She'll either start falling asleep or she just ends up sometimes being a little fussy when she's eating (she's really gassy no matter what we've tried and I think a lot of the time she's trying to push out gas while eating). The only people who feed her are me, Dh and my mom and it took my mom a LONG time to figure out how (she'd just let her stop when she fell asleep or fussed and was taking WAY too long, I mean the darn formula wasn't any good anymore and she'd still be trying to get lo to finish the last oz.).

My mom actually wouldn't feed her for a while because she just felt like she couldn't do it right and I was getting frustrated having to remind her how. She has no problem now though, it just took time. I'd say keep working with your MIL on teaching her how. Is she at least receptive to your instructions and trying to do it right? Or is she just ignoring you and doing it her way? IF she's at least trying, I'd say keep letting her "practice".

She'll listen to what I say for a few seconds, then go back to the way she was doing it before. I'm not being funny, but she has to be fed a certain way. We were given detailed written instructions from the cleft nurse for goodness sake. She talks to her through the feed and Millie gets distracted so it takes forever to feed her and we are told to not let her go more than 30 minutes feeding as it makes her too tired (she has to put a lot of sucking effort in with her cleft). I'll let her try again, but I feel so uneasy about it..

 

[mommy0629]

I don't blame you at all hun. Our lo was a preemie and she is a little tricky to feed sometimes. She'll either start falling asleep or she just ends up sometimes being a little fussy when she's eating (she's really gassy no matter what we've tried and I think a lot of the time she's trying to push out gas while eating). The only people who feed her are me, Dh and my mom and it took my mom a LONG time to figure out how (she'd just let her stop when she fell asleep or fussed and was taking WAY too long, I mean the darn formula wasn't any good anymore and she'd still be trying to get lo to finish the last oz.).

My mom actually wouldn't feed her for a while because she just felt like she couldn't do it right and I was getting frustrated having to remind her how. She has no problem now though, it just took time. I'd say keep working with your MIL on teaching her how. Is she at least receptive to your instructions and trying to do it right? Or is she just ignoring you and doing it her way? IF she's at least trying, I'd say keep letting her "practice".

She'll listen to what I say for a few seconds, then go back to the way she was doing it before. I'm not being funny, but she has to be fed a certain way. We were given detailed written instructions from the cleft nurse for goodness sake. She talks to her through the feed and Millie gets distracted so it takes forever to feed her and we are told to not let her go more than 30 minutes feeding as it makes her too tired (she has to put a lot of sucking effort in with her cleft). I'll let her try again, but I feel so uneasy about it..

I understand. Our lo had strict instructions when she came home that her feeds couldn't take longer than 30 minutes too because otherwise she'd burn too many calories eating. My mom had a hard time understanding this and she honestly felt bad feeding lo, like she was forcing her to eat when she wanted to take a break. I had to REALLY make my mom understand that it was for lo's own good and it was vital she gain enough weight otherwise she'd be back in the NICU with a feeding tube.

My mom also thought it was a good idea to keep lo awake for a bit after feedings and she'd be waving rattles in front of her face etc. I feel bad, but I freaked out at that point and said "Mom, she's NOT a typical baby! You HAVE to understand that! She needs to eat for 30 minutes and then go right back to sleep, that's IT! At that point she decided just not to feed her for a while because it stressed her out. So, fine, at least she understood and it was her choice that she couldn't handle it. Now that lo is 3 months and thriving and we don't have those restrictions anymore, she'll feed her without problems.

I'd just have another serious talk with your MIL and she either understands and does it the right way, or she doesn't and she can't feed her, end of story. Someone who's had children thinks they know how to do things and there's not anything you can tell them that they don't already know or even think they do it better lol. Unless they've had a special needs baby, they just don't get it.