Life gets in the way!

[Morticia]

Does anyone else feel that life sort of gets in the way sometimes?!
I'm new here too...hello
I've been married for eight months and am going to be turning 29 this June and would LOVE to be trying for a baby - since we got hitched I've switched from frantically obsessing over the wedding to thinking non-stop about that.
BUT two things are missing before we contemplate that: 1.) a house 2.) a job. I need the latter to help with the former, and babies are gonna have to come third - but neither 1. or 2. is on the cards at the moment, sob! x

 

[Amygdala]

Hiya! Welcome to wwt! A year ago I was in exactly the position you're describing. I'd just got married and suddenly the broodiness hit me (I've always known I wanted to have children between 25 and 30 but getting married somehow reminded me how important that is to me). We didn't have a house and I had just started my postgrad course and it just felt like ttc was aaaaaaaaaaages away. But DH and I kept talking about what we want to achieve and how things might work for us. Now, a year later, we've bought our first house and we're going to start trying for baby no. 1 in only a few months. We did a lot of number crunching and it turns out that things are a lot better than they seemed.

Why do you think a house and a job are so far off at the moment? And why is it so important? Don't get me wrong, both those things were/are important to me as well, but thinking about why might show you alternatives that you haven't thought off so far. Does your DH work? Have you thought about whether you could manage without you having a job? In my experience most things can be sorted out and worked around if you know that the time is right for you to become a family.

 

[Morticia]

That is great news - and I hope that soon I'll be following in your footsteps..!
I think the problem can be sometimes that we (or at least, 'I') tend to think in terms of 'goals' - you know, I kinda had at the back of my mind that we'd get married, then get a house, then have a baby - but things are always more complicated than that, aren't they?

DH does work (as a primary school teacher, so luckily loves kids!)
which doesn't pay a huge amount and I do work also - but only freelance. So there's no real job 'stability', as it's a case of getting work when I can - and when I'm not working, I'm not earning. So at the back of my mind I've got the worry that I should at least try and get a permanent job (which in my industry is almost non-existent) because otherwise I won't have a penny of maternity pay. On the other hand though, like you say, sometimes you have to make sacrifices - and perhaps my not being tied down to having to go back to a 9-5 job will be better should we turn to TTC. I can still work from home if I need to, we might just have to be more stringent.

As for the house-thing, that's a practicality really - at the moment we're in a poky rented one-bedroom flat so not much room for a baby! I think that's first on our agenda (going for a second viewing on one tonight...so keep your fingers crossed!) and then if that goes ahead maybe we can move to the next stage (TTC).

It's about being positive I guess, like you - I am a believer that things work out in the end, it's just hard not to be impatient when you want something so badly!

PMA is the key! thank you! xx

 

[luckyme225]

Life can definitely get in the way of TTC! I agree with Amygdala, you should do some number crunching and see what things you could live without or spend less on. Once we number crunched we found out we'd do fine with me only working 3 days a week when the baby came. Good look at your viewing tonight!!

 

[Amygdala]

Haha, you really do sound like me. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the house worked out (fingers crossed for that) and you were ttc in a month or two.
I can relate to the job stability thing. I'm in research so the best I can expect is 2-3 year contracts and they are few and far between so not being very mobile won't help either. But other people in my job manage somehow and I'm sure that goes for yours as well. Also, have you looked into your tax credit entitlement? If your OH is on quite a low income you should be entitled to child tax credits and I think they can be quite substantial. And if you have a LO and find that you really can't manage with your irregular income you could always get a small job in a supermarket or coffeshop, or maybe work as a child minder? Bottom line: there are a lot of options and there's always a way forward.

 

[Morticia]

That is very true, a friend of mine has just given up her job as a teacher (she has a one-year-old) to become a local child minder for working mums and she LOVES it. There are definitely options - and I would imagine that after a while with a LO you might feel like you want to have a couple of hours a week socialising/working somewhere close to home, which would at least help bring in some money.

Otherwise I can just continue to dream about getting that best-seller published! ;-)
xxx

 

[silverbell]

I know what you mean.

Well we both have jobs, but we know we won't be able to afford a house deposit for years and years and rather than put our baby plans on hold (we'll both be 29 in a month) we will just be renting a bigger place and putting house-buying on hold.

In the ideal world, of course, we'd have a nice lovely house with extra rooms and then start TTC, but this isn't an ideal world and we'd be waiting forever otherwise. We're happy to make do with renting for now.

Perhaps you can look into doing this yourself? I've heard too many people say that there's 'never a right time' and I believe they're right. The only reason we have waited as long as we have is due to us being in debt and not being able to comfortably afford a baby. We believe in there 'never being a right time', but we also believe in being financially stable enough to support a baby and care for it adequately. As far as we are concerned a house isn't really a necessity for raising a baby.

As for a job - it really depends what your OH earns and whether you can survive on his wage alone. Another point to consider, of course, is that if you have a job and take maternity leave you'll get more benefits than if you've just been at home the whole time.

Good luck with your choices! x

 

[Damita]

Welcome WTT Agree never the right time, agree does your husband have a job? We are planning on me living on the husbands wage + savings + benefits while I take a year off between uni and my post grad with the baby

 

[LahLa]

Hi there, I'm kinda new here too nakedvix and what you are saying definately sounds like feelings i've had over the last few years. It never feels like the right time, as there is always something else in the way.

I remember a family member saying once years ago when the usual "so when are you two gonna have a baby then?" questions came up, and we replied "oh well we want to do this first and get this and plan this..." and their reply was "there will never be a good time but sometimes you can plan too much and it never happens, like us". That stuck in my mind over the years but it didn't mean anything to me until last year when at 28 I was starting to think about TTC only to start having smear hassels, and my partner and I both ended up on crutches with broken bones (lol, don't ask it's quite unbelievable!). Now i'm stuck in this horrible limbo state of waiting for health issues to sort themselves out and that comment from years ago keeps ringing through my mind.

Although I don't regret the way we have done things and enjoy the years we have had which have been so much fun. I can't help but think to myself I shouldn't have got so caught up with 'life' and having things perfect, because now I'm at a place where you start to want it so bad but its out of your control. One good thing to come out of it is I now know what I want and any doubts start to fade away. But I think that original point made is worth remembering... you can plan around things so much that it never happens and no time will ever be a good time when you think about it too much.

As others have already said, financial stability is important. Does your job allow you to work from home? Or as someone else mentioned, a part time job might be useful, doing anything.

 

[Amygdala]

I'm sorry but I have to ask: how the hell did you both end up in crutches?

 

[LahLa]

Haha, both on route to work on seperate occassions. He slipped on water, landed on leg and broke a few bones. I rolled my ankle, which i've done many times before, but this time managed to brake my foot in the process And what made it even more hilarious was it being the same foot! Hehe, something to tell the grand kids.

 

[eightambliss]

I understand how you feel. I have a job, but I need a better one to get better healthcare coverage so I can get preggers. That's first and foremost. We are looking to buy a house next year, but we will be TTC before then because honestly, I'm not going to wait for everything to be "perfect", it won't be. We currently have a nice apartment, and we could deal with having babies in it. I think having a family with children would push my husband and I do finally complete the things we put off doing, in all honesty (I mean, you are more likely to spend all weekend looking for homes when you know you need them as opposed to getting around to it whenever you feel like). Also, while I intend to pay off my debts and save money, I don't think there is ever a "right" or "perfect" time to start a family. Anything can happen at any time, so be responsible and take care of what's important, but live life to the fullest.