Long time Lurker

[missMom]

Hi I have been a long time lurker on this board for about a year now.

So I guess I will do a quick intro about us.
DH and I have been together for over 7 years. We each have a child from a previous relationship.

5 years ago we found out DH had testicular cancer and a tumer in his stomach. With in 5 hours of finding out he had cancer they rushed him in surgery with them telling them he wouldn't make it out.
Well DH made it out of surgery and had radiation and chemo. everything went so fast and we didn't even think about banking and sperm because his life was on the line.
Now he is doing well and we have been doing the stages of getting ready for IUI.
DH did the SP and it came back as zero. We are devastated. I knew it was a possibility but I wasn't ready for zero. I thought a low count would be what we found but nothing at all..it was hard to hear.

I don't think we will do a sperm donor. I don't know how DH would feel abut that.

So that's my quick story. If this is in the wrong place let me know and I can move it.

A question for you ladies that had to use sperm donor how did your DH feel about it?

 

[Mikihob]

Hello MissMom.

I am sorry to hear that DH suffered from testicular cancer. I am glad to hear that he made it through and is going strong.

My DH has two bio daughters with his ex-wife. They are 17 and 19 on the verge of 18 and 20!! We tried for eight months before he had his first SA and it came back with the result of zero. We were devastated. He used to take testosterone injections and they seem to have had a detrimental affect on his sperm. I agree that this is hard news to hear and take in.

My hubby isn't big on the idea of donor sperm either. He has said that if we cannot get any sperm from him no matter what (after biopsy's and aspirations) we will go the donor route. I found a cryobank, called the Fairfax Cryobank where they take your hubby's picture and locate donors based on facial recognition. They give you results low, med, high so you can pick a donor who has the same facial features as your husband. My DH seemed to do a little better with this idea than a random person.

I hope your journey in TTC goes well. If you need to talk or rant I am here to chat. Message me anytime.

 

[missMom]

Mikihob
Thank you.we are doing more labs to see if DH can go through with a few different things (cant remember what it's called)
We are Also looking into adaption. It's so much money and I don't know if I could Handel if a birth mom changed her mind.

 

[Mikihob]

I totally agree missMom. It's not even the costs of having her change her mind and have to go elsewhere. It's the thought of being with her the entire 9 months or even just a few and have her change her mind and then it's like you lost a baby. It would be dreadful.

DH and I have decided that if no matter what, if he can't father we will go the donor route. We actually completely decided this weekend after his fourth SA. We should have the results by this Friday....I hope.

I hope DH's tests go ok. I will let you know what route we decide on, DH tests wise and try to lend you some info if I can.

 

[missMom]

Miki our age Age and our DH are similar. I just noticed it. Im sending Positive vibes your way.

 

[Mikihob]

Miki our age Age and our DH are similar. I just noticed it. Im sending Positive vibes your way.

 

[popchick75]

There is a procedure that very few doctors are able to do that you may be interested in. Just because there are no sperm in the ejaculate, doesn't mean there aren't any in the testicles.

The sperm can be aspirated and used for IVF.

The doctor in the link is my former IVF doctor in St. Louis. He actually invented the procedure to do this and has had a lot of success with it.

https://www.infertile.com/infertility-treatments/sperm-aspiration.htm

 

[Mikihob]

popchick75 were you successful in your attempts with Dr. Silber?? Do you happen to remember the cost?? We would have to fly there and stay for a couple of weeks so I am curious. Thanks for the information!!

 

[popchick75]

I was not, BUT we were there for IVF and ICSI...we didn't have male factor issues.

That being said, we just FINALLY found out what my problem was...high levels of NK Cells! We were unexplained up until this point. Now looking back, the IVF and IUIs had no chance of working unless I was doing intralipids and steriods for the NK cells. None of us had any reason to believe it was an autoimmune issue at that point so we didn't know to test for it. It wasn't any fault of the clinic's that the treatment didn't work.

If you have male factor, this is the guy to go to. He is also the doctor who invented vasectomy reversal. He's doing things that very few other doctors are doing. His bedside manor wasn't the best, but if he is the only doctor that can do what you need, then it is what it is.

You can ask his office about travel arrangements. In my IVF group of about 20 people, there were only about 5 local couples...everyone else was from out of state or out of the country.

 

[missMom]

Right now we are waiting to hear back from the dr about DH lab work. The FS has been talking with an urologist to see what can be done and if its worth it. Hopefully the blood work comes back ok. Is hard because we are so thankful that he is healthy but so upset to go through all of this..and I know that you ladies know all too well how it feels.

 

[Mikihob]

We are currently awaiting DH's SA results from last friday. ARGH!

 

[deafgal01]

To answer your question regarding donor, it took a while for both my dh and I to be on board with it, yes you read that right- both of us. From dh's side, he was not open to the idea at first because he is the type to cross that bridge when u get to it, know what I mean? So when we got his results and further biopsy revealed the crushing news that he had no swimmers, least any they could find, he started to open up to the idea of donor sperm. The only thing he ever wanted was to see me happy and it was obvious from the start of the whole journey how I longed to be pregnant. Ideally with his genes in our baby but that was not an option which we know now.

As for me, I was open and pushing for donor sperm from the start after finding out there were no swimmers in the sa. But quickly after his biopsy,I started having mixed feelings, went from no I did not want to use donors to yes I have to and then once I worked thru that, I got to the point where looking at selections was overwhelming for me. Just the idea of known vs anonymous. For about 6 months I struggled over whether it would be in our best interest to find someone we know to donate their sperm or use the sperm bank. Finally discussed with dh and we decided in the end to use one of my friends out of state, who has since then accepted (after thinking about it for a week).

Now we are finishing up requirements before the first go at iui. But yeah, think the hardest part is decisions on the donors. Once you get knocked up, it should get easier with time. I liked it best when someone from azoospermia mentioned it is half adoption, being u that carry the baby to full term.

Good luck in your journey and welcome aboard, sucks to be in this boat but I find it made our relationship stronger for it and it helps us to appreciate how far we had to go to get this baby.