Looking for support and friendship

[Leliana]

Hi ladies,

This is my first post in this section of the forum and I am looking for general support/prayers (if you are so inclined!)

I have been married to my Husband since November and we have been TTC since then. I was lucky enough to get a BFP the first cycle but unfortunately lost the baby at 5 weeks, 2 days before Christmas. It was a traumatic time emotionally and physically although the m/c was much like a very heavy period. We carried on TTC since then and finally, this month, I received my BFP!

I have what I would consider a 'strong pregnancy' since then. The HPT tests have got darker and darker, I have had strong symptoms (sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, aversion to smells etc). However, as this is my first child I have nothing to compare to except my m/c in December. With that pregnancy, the tests never really got very dark and my symptoms never really started. This time round I have tried to be positive and as relaxed as possible.

Yesterday I reached the 6 weeks mark, which was pivotal for me. Then, I started to notice a brown discharge. It happened twice yesterday and I am now obsessively checking but thankfully not had anything since then. I am so frightened that I will started bleeding bright red blood as I did in December and that I will have to go through this situation all over again. I still feel very pregnant today with no change in symptoms (including morning sickness) however I am still really frightened. Whilst it's been 6 weeks since my LMP, I ovulated late so I am only just over 5 weeks - therefore, I think a scan is most likely out of the question as there's nothing to see.

What I am looking for is some kindness and support. I really don't know where else to turn. All I can do is wait this out and hope for the very best. When I started this TTC journey I never imagined this would happen to me (as I'm sure most people do!) but I know that you ladies understand. My family and friends have been kind but they cannot understand because they don't know what it feels like to be trying so hard to keep something alive inside you.

Thank you so much for reading this

 

[Leliana]

I really could use some support, in a really bad place today... x

 

[ChiGirl18]

Just try to stay positive and keep busy. You and your baby are in God's hands, under His plan. I went through a mc last month and I am pregnant again (never got af). I am paranoid about every twitch, cramp, and feeling. I am checking tp obsessively. It's so hard to be excited and calm when you have experienced a previous loss. Have you called your doctor yet?

 

[Viperbunny]

Try to relax as much as you can. I know it is hard but it is out of your hands at this point. The only thing you can do is take good care of yourself. I hope everything works out for you and wish there was something to say to make you feel better. Hang in there. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Leliana]

Thank you both so much for reading this, you have no idea how much that meant to me yesterday. I still have a bit of spotting today, still only brown. I am preparing for the worst but hoping for the best - my symptoms are still here. Being Easter weekend it will be nigh on impossible for me to get an appointment but if this continues I'll see the doctor next week, hopefully by then I'll be far enough along for a scan. I am such a mixture of emotions, it's ridiculous!

 

[buttercupmomm]

I hope everything works out ((HUGS)). Like you said, we all just have to wait and see. Can you call your Dr and get an early appointment. I would do that if you are still worried. Try to relax, it will be ok.

 

[Leliana]

Thanks so much buttercupmomm.

Being the Easter weekend, appointments are few and far between where I live. From what I can glean online, it isn't an 'emergency' unless the blood is bright red and I am having cramps. So far that isn't the case but obviously I am worried that it will turn that way. I will see how it goes over the weekend and then make an appt early next week. Either way, I definitely need to talk to someone about this because even if it goes away I will still be really worried.

I will try my hardest to relax. Whatever will be will be I suppose, it's in God's hands xxx

 

[Calambria]

Hi Leliana,

I also have some brownish tan spotting that happened after a BM, and orgasm. You don't have to tell me twice about obsessively checking the toilet paper. Ugh! I am so raw today from doing this, sorry, tmi!

I think the toughest part is learning to surrender control...I can speak for myself when I say that this never comes easy for me. I hate being unsure and I cannot stand when things are out of my hands. I had a good, solid cry yesterday(and some comfort ice cream) and I realized that I HAVE to let go of the 'what if' for my own mental well being. Stress is never good for anyone. Worrying will not change the outcome. Make your appointment and keep a watchful eye, yes...But beyond that, what is there for you to do, hun? I DO know that this is MUCH easier said than done, but at some point you will have to throw your hands up in the air and give it up to the wind, because it's either that or worry yourself sick and silly.

 

[shirlls]

Sorry to hear about your loss at Christmas. I really hope everything is ok for you this time and I know it is not easy but the only thing you can do is hope and think as positive as you possibly can. It is only under a week until you will be able to get a scan to get checked out. At this stage in pregnancy some light brown bleeding can be normal and can just be some old implantation blood. My friend is 7 weeks at the moment and had a scan last week due to brown bleeding and everything is ok, that's what she was told it was - old implantation blood. Also, brown blood is usually old blood and as long as it isn't bright red you should be ok. No cramping is also a good sign, as is the fact you are still having morning sickness and other pregnancy symptoms. I'll keep everything crossed for you!

I had a couple of miscarriages at 5 weeks last year and I am now just under 22 weeks pregnant. With both miscarriages, I had horrendous cramping so I try to calm myself down on bad days (which there are many, even at this stage) by thinking of there are no intense cramps I should be fine. The fact that I have had miscarriages and know what to look for does make me feel a little calmer as I know what to look for in terms of worrying signs, rather than had I never miscarried and worrying with every twinge and ache that I am about to miscarry. Ok, I still worry anyway but not as much. What I am saying is, I try to take the positive (if there is any about a mc) out the situation to help myself along with this pregnancy. Maybe that might help you, any worrying symptom you get, ask yourself if you had this when you miscarried before and if the answer is no, try to look at that as some mild reassurance?

Also, taking it each day at a time also helps. Every day where you are still pregnant is another day closer to it potentially being a healthy and successful pregnancy, try to break the pregnancy duration into small parts and not look too far ahead (although I understand from experience that is practically impossible!), set different milestones such as 6 weeks, then 8 weeks, 12 weeks, etc (the chance of mc decreases at each of these points). I am sure you know this already but also bearing in mind the stats re miscarriage. not that it takes away the trauma and loss you experienced with your loss, but 1 in 4 pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage, since mine I can't count how many people have said 'I had one, or my friend/mother/etc had one'. So it is very common and you aren't alone. Also, peer support is fantastic and having support from others can be a real help through this difficult and emotional time. If you feel you can't talk to anyone, pop on here, that's what we are all here for.

There is no easy way to getting through a pregnancy after loss, just things to make it easier to bear. It's a horrible time, and I have really bad days where I worry myself sick that something is going to go wrong.

We are here if you need to talk. Hope you are ok and that everything goes good for you this time

xx

 

[Leliana]

Calambria and shirlls - thank you so much, your messages brought me a lot of comfort yesterday.

Calambria - yep, my spotting happened the same morning I had an orgasm (a by product of my pregnancy seems to be orgasms in my sleep) I do have some cramping afterwards so I did wonder if my cervix was being irritated in some way. For me, the spotting was always a light brown/tan colour and never much. I hope yours has stopped now. You are right that it's really not worth worrying yourself sick, you have to let the little bean do its thing. You helped me put things into perspective, thank you.

shirlls - your message helped me so much. You are right that in some ways, having been through a miscarriage, we do know what to look for. Nothing so far has been anything like what happened in December. There was cramps and a LOT of blood - very quickly. Each day that I remain pregnant is a positive sign! I hope this is old implantation blood, that would make a lot of sense. It was never a lot it has just taken time to clear.

Update on me - I had a warm bath yesterday and (sorry if this is TMI) but it seems to have 'cleaned' the area because I've had nothing since then. Not a drop. Also, I took a HPT and the test line is way darker than the control line. I know this is no guarantee but it's a good sign. My pregnancy symptoms are still here too

Thanks so much everyone for your prayers and thoughts and good wishes. I am not out of the woods yet but there is hope!

 

[Donna_barnes]

As the other ladies have said, it's quite common and try not to worry to much. Stay hydrated and relax. I bled a lot in my last pregnancy, brown and heavy red several times up to 15 weeks, and it didn't affect the pregnancy. Unfortunately we lost our son at 25 weeks (unrelated to bleeding). I am now 5 weeks pregnant and understand what it's like to be on tenterhooks (I am) BUT stress doesn't help so just try and put it in its place as best you can. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy xx

 

[Leliana]

Thank you Donna, you are right stress hasn't helped. I have tried to let it go these last few days - whatever will be will be. The spotting has stayed off since Saturday morning which is positive so I am just hoping and praying it stays that way.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I will be thinking of you and hope everything goes perfectly during your current pregnancy. Congratulations xxx