Loosing your identity...(alternative ladies??)

[Mummy Bean]

Any one feel that this growing up, becoming a mum and all the stuff that entails is making you loose your own identity?

Ive always been an 'alternative' in style with funky hair, tattoos, piercing and mostly wear black for ease. i loved dressing up all funky in 6inch killer zombie shoes when ever we went clubbing, and got a new body mod every couple of months. Spending every minute looking for gig tickets, and underground dirty clubs mixed with rock festivals.

but here i am a mid 20 something, sitting at my desk, second baby on the way trying to remember what my 'style' even is? I was listening to Adele on the train and looking for a caravan holiday for reading a chic flic- who is this person?

Ive had to remove most my piercing due to work or babies stretching the wrong place, ive run out of room to get hidden tattoos, as i dont want them to affect my work prospects, the only thing i got left is my Pillar box red hair and even that will have to go soon, as will be doing job interviews next year. and lets face it red hair doesnt give the best first impression.

I just spent 30 min trolling through some FB site of tattooed women...thinking that used to be me...now the only time some one knows i got a tattoo (which is my whole back and whole left leg) is if the only thing i can stretch over my bump is a tank top and bits of it poke through.

have to say im jelous of my hubby, he still gets to keep his mohawk and has all his tattoo on show, coz he a plumber and no one bats an eyelid. He stomps around in his DM's and funky outfits when im limited to black jeggings and xxxl t shirt. even my 14 month old son got his first mohawk cut in yesterday, with his wee rocker tshirt and stomping boots.

no real point to this thread really...just wallowing in a bit of self pity for the day. Even tried to up my stretchers in my ear but couldnt be bothered.

maybe i need to leave the young me behind and embrace the new mummy me. best get out the apron and bakes some cakes. lol

 

[Pandora11]

i so get where you're coming from (though i have no babies) when i met DH i was confident and felt like i was finally was comfortable in my skin. i had boring jobs but spent my free time trawling through old record shops and hmv, going to concerts, buying clothes, cds etc. don't get me wrong, i saved money and was sensible with cash as i had no financial support, but i had control over my money. DH came along and he had similar taste in music, hobbies, we share a love of ice hockey and skating. same sort of ambitions etc etc but for one reason or another, (mostly financial/dog/moving around for jobs) we've not be able to do those things and continue with hobbies. It's killing me Download is happening right now and i can't be there because i have a dog and no sitter, no car and responsibilities.

it grates on me to go to normal jobs and feel like 'it's not me' i don't wanna wear smart office clothes/cover my tattoos.. money doesn't make the man but i feel like without having it, and having more responsibilities, not being able to wear the clothes, spend money on the hobbies, events that were my interests, that i've lost a part of me. all that was expressing who i am and now i can't fully express it, i don't feel complete 100% 'me'.
I can't get away with wearing plastic bracelets, funky laces, a zillion badges pinned to my bag and walk around with my much loved green day shoulder bag... people my age would look at me gone out and wouldn't take me serious. It's miserable that it seems that in some places it's more expected to fall into a certain way of life and be a certain way.

I reckon you could get away with more individuality in America or Oz, where it's more laid back. (or so it seems on TV, with lifestyle, clothes, hobbies etc)

hmm.... miserable now!

 

[alicecooper]

I can totally relate.

This was me 4 months before I got pregnant with my first baby (please excuse the inane expression)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/XenaGlamRocker/PICT0016.jpg

By the time I had finished having kids (or so I thought...I always assumed my third would be my last lol) - this what how I had ended up :

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/XenaGlamRocker/natfat.jpg

I was fat, I was frumpy, I dressed like a granny, it was horrendous.

DH and I hadn't been out to a nightclub or concert or anything in years and years, and everything I had once been was just gone.


So I thought enough is enough. I worked my arse off to lose the weight, bought some nice alternative clothes, and by last year DH and I were going out to clubs about every 2 months.

We even made some alternative / rock / metal CDs for the car and so on.

Now I'm pregnant again and it's frustrating that I'm losing my identity again but I'm determined to lose the weight and re-gain myself asap.

Granted I wasn't able to get all dressed up all the time, only when we went out, but I felt as though I had gained a bit of ME back.

 

[Pandora11]

<----- oh the good ole days. hope you've got a pram to match your outfits? that would be cool.

i remember a while ago someone was talking about 'mom clothes and haircuts', i get it know. it's strange, someone should write a book on how to be yourself and a mum. i don't have kids, i can imagine by the time i get to that point i will be a form shadow of myself. I'm going to rebel against the mom jeans and elasticated waistbands like on usa wifeswap..

 

[Equreuil]

I feel like this at times, but for me, it started long before there was any thought of having a baby.

I think it started when hubby and I moved away from Portland, OR to a much smaller coastal town for a job. I don't make new friends easily, and we left all of ours behind in this move. Some of his family were there but I didn't really get on with them too well and hated getting dragged to spend a day at their place.

With it being a "live where we work" situation... it didn't take long for me to start feeling like there was nothing to me but work and household chores... We're in California, now but it's the same situation. With the baby on the way, there are times when I feel like there's a little less of "me". I'm just this generic "domestic" creature.

I've always been shy/quiet but I used to be this highly creative person under all that - liked to write, draw, create. All of that is pretty much gone because once I'm done working, cleaning the house, and/or doing laundry... I'm just too tired to do more than flop down and watch some TV before falling asleep.

 

[Varenne]

My identity kind of is boring and plain anyway. I mean I've never been anyone in particular other than a young girl who wants to settle and learn things and have something of a career. You lovely ladies make me feel boring! Maybe I should solidify my identity a bit.

 

[Evansangel]

I feel the same. I used to have lots of piercings, dress very alternative and then I became a mum and it all changed.

I had to take all of my piercings out because of work and wasn't allowed to dye my hair different colours.

I'm now on maternity leave and currently doing my hair bright red again
I have lots of tattoos anyway, so I can't really add to them at the moment, but when baby is born I have a sleeve I want doing

 

[AP]

I think I've gotten wilder as a mother, ok, granted, im not going out these days but when it comes to style i am much braver must be like a mid life crisis

 

[GypsyDancer]

This is me!! I always swore i would never lose my style once i had children, did i heck!
I used to feel so pretty and sexy and confident and now when i go out i feel like a little mouse wanting to hide!
My OH is fairly heavily tattoed, nose peirced and gorgeous, and im just so plain, i constantly feel like people are looking at us when were out thinking, why is HE with HER?!
This was me before kids, i was into rockabilly style, pin up girls ect..
I really loved pin up girls and really wanted to be one myself! I wanted more tattoos ect, but since ive been pregnant or breastfeeding for the past 3/4 years, i havent been able to which makes me feel even worse..

This is me before i had babies





And this is one of the most recent pictures of me, about a month old, i hate having my picture taken these days


Looking back at my response to this thread has really given me abit of a kick up the bum i think to sort myself out!

 

[katherinegrey]

I used to love going out in tight clothes and showing off my lovely figure, one baby later and my confidence has evaporated along with my figure. I live in cardigans, spend all my time with my hair up and my biggest accessory these days is a muslin square stuffed into my handbag!

I used to be into the alternative style too, I wonder what DF still sees in me to be honest.

 

[Mummy May]

I'm a mummy to 2, I still have my piercings and ,y stretched lobes though they have gone down to 10mm but that's only because I got bored of my 18mm ears after 4 years haha. Only thing that has changed with me it I'm a bit more wobbly and I now have toned down hair, it's on it's way to becoming white blonde again but currently a nice blonde anyways. I'm getting married in feb and my mum askedif I was taking my 2 lip piercings out for it, I was like PISS OFF they're me, I'm keeping them in! Lol! Xxx

 

[gingajewel]

Sorry to thread hijak but I just wanted to say Alice Cooper well done on your weight loss, u look fab x

 

[alicecooper]

Sorry to thread hijak but I just wanted to say Alice Cooper well done on your weight loss, u look fab x

thanks hun

sadly I'm now up 53lbs again! God only knows how much I'll lose straight after the birth, but I can see I've got my work cut out for me again

 

[Jchihuahua]

I know how you feel. I got all 'respectable' looking when I got a job. I'm a teacher so had to tone myself down a heck of a lot. I took my piercings out and grew out my mohican. I still get tattooed but have to keep them covered at work. I am into the same music and have the same friends as I did when I was younger. I'm in my 30s now but still exactly the same at heart as I was when I was a teenage punk so I don't really feel like I've lost my identity. People who see me outside of work would still know I was alterntive in the way I dress. This was me back in the day.
https://i1282.photobucket.com/albums/a529/01fella/35197_406443074021_5796183_n-1_zps04ba266f.jpghttps://i1282.photobucket.com/albums/a529/01fella/182637_497202964021_3565106_n_zpsa74f544a.jpg

 

[beth_terri]

I've always been pretty plain but just lately I'm even more plain my hairs boring, my clothes are boring, my weight is too high to even look nice in anything and I don't have enough money to buy anything nice and new. I bloody hate it.

Gypsy dancer i LOVE your avatar. Your hair looks gorgeous x

 

[LoolaBear]

i used to be very out going and wouldn't think twice about doing something crazy/wearing something wacky etc and although not completely 'alternative' i did have a difference about me. piercings, tattoos

now all thats left are a 3 ear peircings (i did have 12 piercings altogether) 9 tattoos (which i am adding to as i am still addicted to them lol) but my dress sense has become lazy as i go more for comfort these days and usually my hair just gets tied back. with the clothes i wear now and where my tatts are i look like a chav most days now!

i am slowly working on myself though. getting my weight down, adding to my tattoo collection, going to re-pierce my favourite piercings and im slowly building my wardrobe back up. i want the old me back just a toned down version (no more brightly coloured hair, too much hassle that will be with three small ones!)

 

[Kimmer]

I'm another one that definitely feels like I've lost a part of myself

I used to have lots of piercings. My bridge I had to take out when I got my job and I lost my lip piercings on the day I had my daughter

Here's me in 2008 just before I got married
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v734/xkimmerx/l.jpg

I obviously have all the tattoos I had before, but I really miss my facial piercings! I still have 34mm ears, but I miss how I used to looks

Here's me and my daughter a few months ago (she'd just woken up :haha)

Is it just me that would feel like when you have a child, you can't get away with having facial piercings and mental hair? I've had funky hair since having my daughter, but it doesn't feel right these days!

 

[jenny82]

I wouldn't say that I am alternative in the way that you mean, but I definitely had a vibe about myself, was very outgoing, had a personality that I enjoyed, a music scene that I loved etc. I am finding it difficult atm to be me. My close friends all think I'm perfectly balancing the retaining-personality/baby thing but I'm really not. I miss me (and my tiny waist).

I don't really give a damn about who I was, but I do really care about what I am heading towards. I don't want to be a mum who sits at home every night with nothing to do. My husband works away all week too so I literally have no way of getting time alone mid-week. I am trying to pursue interests and get some excitement somewhere but its so bloody hard! My husband struggles too but he does have it easier (imo). He DJs dnb, runs nights, has a record label that is actually doing quite well atm. He is actually out tonight but I had no babysitter gahhh :/