I lost my baby at 15 weeks; during my first pregnancy. It started as a normal pregnancy, I was super excited and looking forward to being a new mom.
Unfortunately the father didn't feel the same way and our relationship was bad from the start. The whole logistics of the situation were nontraditional, it seemed that I was the only one happy for things.
Long story short, he made an already difficult experience, one of the worst experiences of my life. Since the loss of our child, I haven't been able to channel my emotions appropriately. I hate him, but at the same time I don't. I am angry all the time and no one seems to understand.
I can't bring myself to hate him, because 1) i'm not a vindictive hateful person, 2) I believe in forgiveness, and 3) our child was OUR child and I feel that if I hate him, then I hate apart of what was ours.
My best friend doesn't even get it. She thinks that I'm "dwelling," and need to just let it go. In fact, I've heard from several people, to "just let it go." Of course, all from people that have no idea what it's like to lose a baby or people who simply just don't care; including my family.
I went through everything pretty much alone and now I'm dealing with my feelings. The only solution to how I feel is shutting myself out from the world and that isn't rational.
I just need support.
Unfortunately the father didn't feel the same way and our relationship was bad from the start. The whole logistics of the situation were nontraditional, it seemed that I was the only one happy for things.
Long story short, he made an already difficult experience, one of the worst experiences of my life. Since the loss of our child, I haven't been able to channel my emotions appropriately. I hate him, but at the same time I don't. I am angry all the time and no one seems to understand.
I can't bring myself to hate him, because 1) i'm not a vindictive hateful person, 2) I believe in forgiveness, and 3) our child was OUR child and I feel that if I hate him, then I hate apart of what was ours.
My best friend doesn't even get it. She thinks that I'm "dwelling," and need to just let it go. In fact, I've heard from several people, to "just let it go." Of course, all from people that have no idea what it's like to lose a baby or people who simply just don't care; including my family.
I went through everything pretty much alone and now I'm dealing with my feelings. The only solution to how I feel is shutting myself out from the world and that isn't rational.
I just need support.