lost my baby girl almost two weeks ago

[jbhowde2]

Hi ladies, my name is Jasmine.I lost my beautiful baby girl Bella to SIDS less than two weeks ago. She was 18 days old (birthday 1/31/2015), my whole entire world shattered. We moved out of our home already as it was too hard to be there. My husband and I started trying for another baby right away, as I have empty arms and we both have empty hearts. We aren't trying to replace my beautiful girl, but I was a mommy and he was a daddy and we want to be given a second chance at having a family. I took pregnancy tests/opks every day afteR hoping for a miracle, and got all negatives. Yesterday morning, I got a positive! As I also got a faint positive today as well. Every time we had sex, I put my legs in the air for 15 min as that was how I conceived my baby girl. I got a positive test 10 days after sex with her. This time, it's ranged around the same time. I'm wondering if it's possible that god Is answering my prayers in such a devastating time in my life or if this could be hcg that randomly decided to show up out of nowhere four weeks after birth? I've been googling like crazy. I have an appt Wednesday. Please, do not judge me. Unless you have lost a child, you don't Know how hard this is. :'( there isn't a day goes by that my heart doesn't ache and I have to try everything in me not to watch videos of my baby or picture her face or memories everywhere I go.

 

[sunshine2014]

My heart broke reading this. Having suffered two losses myself, I cannot imagine getting to bring my baby home only to say goodbye. I really don't have the words to offer that I feel I should, except to say you absolutely should try as soon as possible. It's not about replacing, so don't feel that way, it's about the feeling yiu both had as parents and the fact that it was taken away from you. I can't offer any statistics as far as getting pregnant or OPKS, but I do not think there is anything wrong with fulfilling your needs as parents.

I'm here if you ever need to talk and I wish you and your husband all the best in your journey. Bella is a wonderful name, so so beautiful

 

[TTC 84]

So sorry for the loss of your baby girl how heartbreaking , I have my fingers x for you Hun xxx

 

[thumpette]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Life can be incredibly horribly cruel sometimes.

I lost my little boy Max 7 weeks ago at 41+4 to stillbirth. Like you all I can think about is trying again. It's absolutely not about replacing- that could never happen but we know how amazing it is to hold our babies now and of course it's natural to want that again.

I'm not sure about the medical facts as to whether you could be pregnant- it seems very early for your cycle to be back but my doctor says plenty people come in to their 6 week check already pregnant so it's definitely possible- especially when you were getting negative tests.

I really really hope it is a bfp and that you have a happy and healthy rainbow baby to bring some hope into this awful time. Xx

 

[jbhowde2]

I got a positive yesterday and the day before but negative today I wanted to be pregnant so bad. I feel so empty. I'd never wish this pain on any of my worst enemies. I lost my mom in May to cancer and it can't compare to this :'( I just want a positive to come up again

 

[thumpette]

Oh no- I'm so sorry.

Hopefully it'll come back to positive but otherwise just try to remember it is still very early days- I'm sure we'll both get there.

I lost my Dad to cancer in April as well- 2 days after i found out I was pregnant. I thought that was hard at the time but I had no idea how a heart can shatter when your baby dies.

We'll both get there- happier days are ahead- we have to believe that xxx

 

[AnnieMac2]

Good luck sweetie. I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go through that. I can't wait to hear the good news that another baby will get to have you as their loving mom as well. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and wish you happiness.

 

[Mrs. Atole]

I'm soo sorry for your loss, God gives us what he knows we can handle and you must be a super strong women!! grive grive grive you need to give yourself this, so when the new baby comes you will see him/her and not Bella. It will always hurt hun but you need to heal.. God Bless You

 

[InVivoVeritas]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my own baby boy aged 15 days, and I know all about the arms that ache so hard because they're empty.

Do what you need to do for yourself and for DH -- nobody will think you're trying to replace your little girl. She'll always be there with you and no matter how many babies you have you'll never fill her place, but the need to have a baby to keep is a strong and separate thing.

I'm 15 years along the road and have had two more little ones, but I'll never stop missing my baby boy. PM me if you want to talk.

 

[jlw617]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what it must feel like, we came very close to losing our 8 year old when she was 5, she had to be life flighted to children's hospital in DC, I don't know what I would have done if we would have lost her, I wish I could be more help regarding whether or not you might be pregnant but I have heard of it happening before.

 

[Moomaymisty]

So sorry for your loss.