Lost my little girl at 19 weeks 4days

[IndieGirl]

=/ Sunday I started leaking amniotic fluid but didn't know that's what it was at the time. I was leaking until Tuesday, then I started getting a dull cramp which turned into contractions. I went to the hospital when I was having pink spotting..

Since I was under 20 weeks I was sent to the ER and had to wait for 2 hours before being seen. They put a catheter in my bladder so I could get an ultrasound and they saw she had no fluid around her... once they took the thing out I started gushing blood. It was horrible =/ The people in the ER were so insensitive and not gentle at all....

I delivered Abigail on June 6th at 2:22am. She was so beautiful....She looked so much like her father. She has his nose, cheeks , and long legs.. It looked like she had my long fingers. She weighed 7.8oz and measured 9inches long.

I miss her so much. I don't feel like a good mother. Because my water broke...and I didn't realize it, the amniotic sac got infected which caused the miscarriage.

I had an ultrasound on June 1st and it didnt show anything being wrong. She had fluid around her and she was growing perfectly.. idk what caused my water to break. My blood type is A negative..and her father has a positive blood type. I'm not sure if maybe thats what caused it.. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to get over this.

 

[IndieGirl]

eh, what was even more traumatic is right after I gave birth to my baby girl the doctor manually extracted the placenta because I was bleeding so much. It hurt so bad. The only medicine I had was a shot of morphine.

Yesterday I had to go to the hospital to get a d&c w/ ultrasound guidance because I still had some placenta left over. Luckily they put me to sleep for that. I'm just glad all that its over with.

I just feel emotionally numb...

 

[nicksi27]

Im so sorry that you have lost your beautiful little abigail - losing a baby is the most painful thing in the world. one day everything is fine and the next day your whole world has been turned upside down. You have been through so much trauma following the birth of abigail too i hope you find some comfort in the coming weeks.You will feel like nothing will ever get better and will have some very dark times but it DOES get better i promise you. Sending you lots of hugs xx

 

[nicki01]

Im so so sorry.

 

[gnomette]

i'm sorry it was more awful for you than it should have been an you were not treated with what sounds like any care at all xx sending you all the hugs an love x things will start to feel numb but you never get over it you just find a new kind of normal you just find your able to smile an then its happening more often x i hope you have the support you need at home xx

 

[lizlemon]

Sending you love. Some told me to make sure I talked about it to dh and others, this I did and it helped me as I realised how much love and support there was out there for me and my lo.
Xxxxx

 

[Creative]

. My blood type is A negative..and her father has a positive blood type. I'm not sure if maybe thats what caused it.. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to get over this.

so sorry for your loss.
It wouldn't have been your incompatible blood groups that caused it, although you should make sure you now get an anti D injection. The incompatability only causes issues for subsequent pregnancies and the anti D stops that from happening.

 

[Jenpace]

I could have written your post myself. We lost our perfect baby boy on 6/5 at 19w3d due to preterm labor. Your experience is eerily similar to mine...especially the ER staff and their rude indifference while our world came crashing down around us before they finally transferred us to L&D.

We are still waiting on any answers that the pathology report can give us as to why this happened.

I am so sorry for your loss and everything you went through (((((hugs))))) I hate that any of us knows what this feels like.

 

[IndieGirl]

Thank you everyone for your support. =/ I don't think they are going to do a pathology on my girl because she was under 20 weeks. I just feel like I should be pregnant right now... and I was told to wait 6 months before I start trying to get pregnant again.

 

[lizlemon]

In the uk they no longer set the 6 month limit wait. More like once you've had a normal period, for me it came six weeks after loss of lo. We got pregnant at four months after, it was our 3 rd month trying, but first month we missed the window as my period confused me to when I ovulated.
We were keen to try ASAP and I'm glad we did, though I still miss lo a lot and feel guilty for being excited about a new one. But as my dh says she will never be forgotten nor replaced xxx

 

[IndieGirl]

It's nice to know it is possible. A child can never be replaced, but I just want my own family so badly. I had goals and now I have to rethink everything and what I want to do.

 

[lizlemon]

I know the goal changing feeling, you have everything planned and then it's gone.....you must give yourself some time to process and heal, one week is no time at all. We felt happier after we had our meeting with the dr about lo and what to do next, I think this took 2 and half months. It was hell waiting for news. I hope you get some answers soon x

 

[Andypanda6570]

My heart breaks for u..I am so so sorry.

 

[Sj bornAsleep]

That is just heart breaking.. I too jave that bllod type and got the anti d. It happened over 3 months ago and im still waiting for an answer. They told me not to expect any. They are making me wait til middle of August... Please feel free to PM me to talk anyrime xxxxx much love and hugs to you xxx

 

[tummymummy]

Im ssour loss o sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Deethehippy]

I am so so sorry for your loss
It's not in any way your fault hun, miscarriages happen, even late ones, its just cruel bad luck, please don't ever blame yourself

 

[IndieGirl]

I find the hardest part is telling people that I know. Soon I will have to go back to work and tell my daily customers. ( I work at a grocery store) =/ The other day my friends little girls ran up to me asking what the gender was. I'm considering going to hospice counseling or support group. My gyno told me I should either do that or go to a psychiatrist because I'm at high risk for postpartum depression.

Today has been hard for me. I got her ashes from the funeral home today. I also bought an urn online for her.https://www.inthelighturns.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/350x/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/1/3/131313.jpg
The picture above is the one my boyfriend and I decided on. We were gonna decorate her room in an ocean theme.

 

[sunkiss]

IndieGirl i am so very sorry for ur loss sweetheart, wish i could hug u right now !! i had the exact same story as u, very silent pre term labor, i want u to know it was not ur fault n there is nothing u could have done different that could have stopped it...i started leaking a few days b4 also but didnt realize that it was amniotic fluid, i blamed myself for a while and a whole lot of what ifs, but in time i came to realize God took her for a reason n i learned why later, u will never forget ur precious girl n that pain will never fully leave u, its like she took a piece of ur heart with u when she left but only time will help ease the pain n make it bearable, its a hard road but it will get better hun, u have shown ur strength by coming here n sharing ur story, shows u are ready to talk about it n heal, u may want to look up PPROM n read about it, i read as much as i could after my loss to see what i can do to prevent this for my next pregnancy, turns out i have incompetent cervix n didnt know it, which is sometimes related with pprom, my doc was able to confirm it by watching my cervix in this pregnancy, the unfortunate thing is that often this goes undiagnosed in especially in 1st time pregnancy until u have a loss, just something to think about when u plan to conceive again, not sure why ur doc told u to wait 6mths, i dont see why if u are ready n ur hormones n cycles are back to normal why u couldnt try again, i waited 2 cycles to heal n get my hormones back to normal b4 conceiving again, not sure if they gave u a f/u appt or maybe a 6 week check up but i would bring it up again especially if u feel ready, i pray ur heart will heal n the days are gentle to u, if u ever need to talk please feel free to msg me anytime, i am always here

 

[sunkiss]

I find the hardest part is telling people that I know. Soon I will have to go back to work and tell my daily customers. ( I work at a grocery store) =/ The other day my friends little girls ran up to me asking what the gender was. I'm considering going to hospice counseling or support group. My gyno told me I should either do that or go to a psychiatrist because I'm at high risk for postpartum depression.

Today has been hard for me. I got her ashes from the funeral home today. I also bought an urn online for her.https://www.inthelighturns.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/350x/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/1/3/131313.jpg
The picture above is the one my boyfriend and I decided on. We were gonna decorate her room in an ocean theme.

oh sweetheart her urn is beautiful, God bless ur angel!! telling ppl was difficult for me too because they knew how happy i was n always talked so much about my little girl but the funny thing is i found strentgh in sharing my story n talking about her helped me to heal, it was like convincing myself that everything is ok n i can still live my life with out the guilt, i am so happy u have her ashes, u will find so much comfort to know she is near, i have my little girl's ashes by my bedside n i keep a memorial there for her with candles burning everyday since she has been there, its very comforting hun, talk to her, pray with her, she will hear u n she knows how much her mommy loves her, u will feel her cause she will comfort u without u even knowing, i still cry at times even with my rainbow growing in my womb but Olivia still comforts me n hugs my heart just when i need her the most, ur little girl is still there with u in ur heart hunny !! i went to a bereavement group and it was very helpful for me, being able to relate to other women going through the same thing made me feel like i wasnt alone, the social worker at my hospital i gave birth to her ran the group n invited me, or perhaps ur gyno can refer u to one.

 

[IndieGirl]

Thanks. I've read a little bit about PPROM. =/ I'd like to try to conceive again in 3 months or so, but my boyfriend isn't ready. He wants to wait about a year.

I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to move past this. I just feel hurt. I feel like my body has failed me. I'm not sure what caused my water to break. It just seems like my pregnancy was too good to be true. I thought it was going to be difficult to get pregnant..yet some how it happened lol and I had barely any symptoms at all. No morning sickness, just sciatic back pain. A couple days before my water started leaking, I had the gender determination ultrasound...and everything looked perfect.

I finally stopped lactating...now my boobs are just deflated. Which doesn't exactly help my confidence. I'm just lucky I have a super supportive boyfriend.