Lost our baby at 17 weeks after amino

[MummyStobe]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know it's hard but please don't blame yourself, this is in no way your fault.

All the ladies here are wonderful and supportive and I hope you get as much comfort from them as I have.

Thinking of you and your family at this sad time. Sending big

Fly high little angel xx

 

[majored]

Hi, im very sorry to hear your news. I lost my baby at 18.5 weeks and i gave birth to him last Wed, after my waters broke.

This last week has gone very slow but ive tried to keep busy. I blame myself for everything, things i did or i didnt do. The people on here have helped me no end, giving me support and help.

I have good moments where i try and be positive and then the next thing im down again. I get very upset reading some of the ladies stories on here.

We can all help each other.

Please take care xxx

 

[babylou]

thanks again everyone - your messages really do help. i am finding things harder at night time for some reason - the minute i get in bed i cant shake the feeling of sadness and whereas during the day i seem to be able to push the thoughts away by keeping busy, i cant stop replaying everything once i am in bed. every morning it feels like it hits me a fresh!!

i am so lucky that we already have a gorgeous boy (2 and1/2) and having him really helps although sometimes is a painful reminder of what we have lost and what our baby would have become.

i am also finding it hard not knowing the gender of our baby. the doctors said it was too early to tell and we will have to wait for the postmortem but i want to name the baby so badly and it doesnt feel like he/she has a proper identity until we know this. last night my lovely hubby bought home a porcelaine feather christmas tree decoration and suggested we write the babies name on the back and bring it out every year when we decorate the tree as a reminder of our little bean. that set me off again but is such a lovely thought. did anyone else have to wait to find out the gender of their baby?

thanks again everyone - am so glad i found you all

Yes, we had to wait to confirm the gender of Sam. Ironically the Amnio provided the results for us, we chose not to have a PM done. It is a horrible wait, and very upsetting when confirmed.

The Christmas tree decoration is a lovely idea, I searched all over for something for Samuel. I found a little sleeping cherub (which is not really just for Christmas) and a glass dragonfly and both are on the tree now.

It's going to be a hard Christmas for us all. Sorry....

Take care and hugs to you all

 

[Rhiannon]

im so sorry to hear your sad news. my heart goes out to you xx

 

[bellaswedus]

i am so sorry about your loss. i did the amino yesterday and i am more scared of a mc than anything being wrong with our baby. i hope you have great support around you that can help you get through this hardship. big hug to you.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my babies to spontaneous rupture of membranes and possible infection, possible IC, so it does unfortunately happen without any reason or disturbance such as amnio. So it could well be just horrid luck and nothing at all to do with you having the test done that caused this. I know you will feel awful guilt and try to blame something you did (we all do this, regardless) but please try not to let this consume you. I wish you gentle days ahead and I hope you find the comfort here that I do. xxx

 

[parisa]

Oh darling, it was not ur fault.....pls stop blaming urself. I know that baby was healthy and u decided to have the amnio, but they gave u a 1 in 15 chance of downs. You were both amazing parents to even go through amnio......u wanted to know so that u could educate and prepare urself for baby just in case he/she did have downs.....
If u knew that baby was healthy, u woulda never consedered amnio.
My story is a little different from urs, but when u read, u will see that I was truly at fault for the loss of my baby (now I am bawling).
That day I was going to doc and my husband honked the horn.....there were 42 stairs to get downstairs to the car. I was in a hurry to get to the doc and guess what? I was wearing my ugz boots and I slipped. To make a long story short, that night my water broke and blodd started pumping out of me as if I had been stabbed. E veryone kept telling me that maybe it was meant to happen and that maybe the baby had to go to be an angle becuz she would be born with downs, or some chromosomal defect......
Well, we had the baby tested and guess what? Baby was as healthy as could be. We then had the remains cremated.....
What kills me even more is that becuz we knew that the stairs were almost deadly for a pregnant woman, we were going to be moving in two weeks time. I was almost five months pregnant when this happened.

Sweetie, u cannot blame urself for this.....u were both amazing parents to be that u cared enough to even ask for amnio. How were u to know? It is just nasty things that happen in nature that steal our hearts and break us up like this....but i will tell u one thing.....it has been exactly one year now since my loss.....it will never leave ur heart, but it does get better over time.....trust me.

ps: i hate saying the words: 'i am sorry for ur loss' cuz it does nothing for the person, but what i will say is that i will pray for u tonight , I pray that God will give u strenghth and courage and will and power to wake up everyday and face the world.

Kisses,
Parisa
Parisa

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh darling, it was not ur fault.....pls stop blaming urself. I know that baby was healthy and u decided to have the amnio, but they gave u a 1 in 15 chance of downs. You were both amazing parents to even go through amnio......u wanted to know so that u could educate and prepare urself for baby just in case he/she did have downs.....
If u knew that baby was healthy, u woulda never consedered amnio.
My story is a little different from urs, but when u read, u will see that I was truly at fault for the loss of my baby (now I am bawling).
That day I was going to doc and my husband honked the horn.....there were 42 stairs to get downstairs to the car. I was in a hurry to get to the doc and guess what? I was wearing my ugz boots and I slipped. To make a long story short, that night my water broke and blodd started pumping out of me as if I had been stabbed. E veryone kept telling me that maybe it was meant to happen and that maybe the baby had to go to be an angle becuz she would be born with downs, or some chromosomal defect......
Well, we had the baby tested and guess what? Baby was as healthy as could be. We then had the remains cremated.....
What kills me even more is that becuz we knew that the stairs were almost deadly for a pregnant woman, we were going to be moving in two weeks time. I was almost five months pregnant when this happened.

Sweetie, u cannot blame urself for this.....u were both amazing parents to be that u cared enough to even ask for amnio. How were u to know? It is just nasty things that happen in nature that steal our hearts and break us up like this....but i will tell u one thing.....it has been exactly one year now since my loss.....it will never leave ur heart, but it does get better over time.....trust me.

ps: i hate saying the words: 'i am sorry for ur loss' cuz it does nothing for the person, but what i will say is that i will pray for u tonight , I pray that God will give u strenghth and courage and will and power to wake up everyday and face the world.

Kisses,
Parisa
Parisa

Thanks for sharing your story, it is heartbreaking. You are very strong and you are right we can never blame ourselves, how can we when we are suffering so much as we wanted these little angels so bad.
So sorry for all the losses , my heart goes out to you all. XOOXOXOXO

 

[parky]

Oh darling, it was not ur fault.....pls stop blaming urself. I know that baby was healthy and u decided to have the amnio, but they gave u a 1 in 15 chance of downs. You were both amazing parents to even go through amnio......u wanted to know so that u could educate and prepare urself for baby just in case he/she did have downs.....
If u knew that baby was healthy, u woulda never consedered amnio.
My story is a little different from urs, but when u read, u will see that I was truly at fault for the loss of my baby (now I am bawling).
That day I was going to doc and my husband honked the horn.....there were 42 stairs to get downstairs to the car. I was in a hurry to get to the doc and guess what? I was wearing my ugz boots and I slipped. To make a long story short, that night my water broke and blodd started pumping out of me as if I had been stabbed. E veryone kept telling me that maybe it was meant to happen and that maybe the baby had to go to be an angle becuz she would be born with downs, or some chromosomal defect......
Well, we had the baby tested and guess what? Baby was as healthy as could be. We then had the remains cremated.....
What kills me even more is that becuz we knew that the stairs were almost deadly for a pregnant woman, we were going to be moving in two weeks time. I was almost five months pregnant when this happened.

Sweetie, u cannot blame urself for this.....u were both amazing parents to be that u cared enough to even ask for amnio. How were u to know? It is just nasty things that happen in nature that steal our hearts and break us up like this....but i will tell u one thing.....it has been exactly one year now since my loss.....it will never leave ur heart, but it does get better over time.....trust me.

ps: i hate saying the words: 'i am sorry for ur loss' cuz it does nothing for the person, but what i will say is that i will pray for u tonight , I pray that God will give u strenghth and courage and will and power to wake up everyday and face the world.

Kisses,
Parisa
Parisa

thank you so much for your reply and i really appreciate you sharing your story. im sorry you have found yourself here and your story made me very sad. you have really been through a lot and seem so strong and level headed about it all. Things have got easier on the 'guilt' front for me as the weeks have gone by - i would still give anything to go back and change the choice we made but i have come to realise that i would probably have beaten myself up about something else if it wasnt the amnio!!! i have also realised that there is nothing i can do to change the past and the grief is enough to cope with without adding regret etc into the mix. i am still having ups and downs and arranging the cremation etc has been very tough emotionally and its still 2 weeks until we actually have the cremation so i am sure there will be many more ups and downs but i feel like i am slowly getting there.
thanks again for everyones support

 

[Nikki_d72]

sweetie, you are right, you would find something else to blame, I think we all did. I lifted a heavy keg at work a couple of days prior to my waters breaking, I was blaming that, I was blaming having sex the week before, I was blaming only having a bath and no shower - it could have been any of these things or none, at some point you just have to accept that you will never know, though it's a long time coming and a tough place to get to. I hope the cremation is as lovely as it can be and I wish you gentle days ahead. xxx

Parisa, I'm so sorry for your loss too honey, thank you for sharing your story. Please don't blame yourself either, you didn't throw yourself down the stairs, you slipped honey, it was an awful accident.

xxx

 

[parisa]

Nikki, u r so sweet darling.
There are such amazing people here, such as urself.....just wondering how come I don't have more people like u in my life?????
Like I mentioned before, I hate saying: I am so sorry for ur loss, cuz it just gets old.
But I was so sad for u, to lose twins.....that must be double pain and heartbreak.
I have come to realize that babies whom are not given a chance at life were meant to be flying abouve us an angels. Nikki, your little ones musta been too good for this world, trust me sweetie.
I don't know what else to say...but it does get better over time, however there will always be a missing piece in every mother's heart when they lose either a fetus or child.

Kisses,
Parisa

ps; I am a great listener, and I am here for anybody who feels sad and wants to talk about anything...and I mean anything.