LTTTC #1 and terrified of 1st appointment about fertility!

[kit_2006]

So DH and I are TTC our 1st baby....and honestly we hit cycle 13 this month and I have an appointment in 3 weeks...I am terrified of what the OBGYN is going to say. I had a yearly last year and it was normal, then DH and I decided spontaneously to start for a little one about a month later, everyone in my family is fertile Myrtles...as is his family, so we just assumed this would work....now 13 months later and I'm nervous as all get out for this appointment....granted I still need to get AF this month which would be the week before my appointment if I get it...but at this point I'm running out of positivity to hold out hope that it is....I'm 6d post when I suspect I ovulated, day 21 of 31 day cycle, my boobs are killing me, and Ive had a few twinges in my abdomen today and once when I wiped there was some mucusy light pink discharge....so I'm sitting here writing out my list of questions for my obgyn trying desperately to keep DH from getting super excited thinking it was implantation bleeding, because weve been down this road before and I ended up getting AF 3 days early.
I'm glad I stumbled across this site...I feel lost and scared but thankfully not alone anymore. DH and I have decided not to discuss our fertility issues with anyone at this point. As far as everyone knows we took a break and never re-started after receiving ALOT of less than helpful comments about the time we had 5 family funerals (between his and my family) in about 8 weeks. (rough freaking year)....I just cant listen to how my SIL can get pregnant by sneezing, and how no one understands how its just not working, how I need to loose weight, and the ever present jokes that SIL needs to send me a video on how to get pregnant (because apparently when ppl found out 4 months was just failing at life and getting pregnant)....I just cant...
So my worry is:
-What exactly do I ask my obgyn, should I just get referred to an infertility specialist now?
-Does DH need to come incase they want to test him right away?
-How do you guys handle TTC longer then a year and wanting support vs wanting privacy to deal with it...
-Any tips to get my sanity back?
-Anyone taken a break at this point and re-started?
Basics on us both 28, married relatively low stress (with the exception of this summer) lives, active, slightly overweight, but otherwise no heart, thyroid, or major health issues, no stds, regular 31 day cycles with ovulation (on the months ive kept my spirits up to test) around day 16... no history of any gynecological conditions for me.
I'm so glad I found this site....

 

[hanwinand]

Hi!
Sorry, you're having trouble ttc, it sucks!!
I've been trying 4 1/2 years now. I'll try to help with your questions!

-What exactly do I ask my obgyn, should I just get referred to an infertility specialist now?
As soon as your dr hears you're having trouble they will most likely schedule tests, such as: ultra sound to check for cysts, blood work to make sure no levels are out of whack, semen analysis for dh.
-Does DH need to come incase they want to test him right away?
I think it's always a good idea to bring him, so he can be included in the journey. At my dr, they gave him a cup to take him and bring back to hospital lab for analysis.

-How do you guys handle TTC longer then a year and wanting support vs wanting privacy to deal with it...
I have a group of women who had infertility issues and honestly they keep me going. The support system really makes all the difference in the world. Keeping things bottled up is so rough on us, especially something as stressful as ttc.

-Any tips to get my sanity back?
Not really, lol... I take a break every once in a while, find something to try to occupy my mind instead but honestly it's always there in the back of my mind. Going to to dr and taking steps in the right direction is the best help.

-Anyone taken a break at this point and re-started?
I take a lot of breaks, sometimes just a month, sometimes a lot longer.
Hope this helped

 

[susan_1981]

It took us 3.5 years to fall pregnant with our first. We had a miscarriage on the 2nd or 3rd cycle after we started trying, it then took another year to fall pregnant again, but that was a miscarriage. Had every test going, lap and dye, HSG, ovary scan, blood tests, you name it. Nothing could be found with me. We were referred for IVF which was about a 2 year waiting list. I fell pregnant naturally just before we were due to start and now have a 4 year old boy. Falling pregnant with my second happened straight away bizarrely. So I have 2 boys just 15 months apart.

Dealing with other pregnancies, just remember, you don't want THEIR baby, you want your own. I just struggled while they were pregnant as I wanted to experience that so badly - obviously as well as having my own baby, but I've never been one to be that fussed by other people's babies if that makes sense so that didn't really affect me so badly.

I had a few months of having a good cry when my period came, but I got over that. Then I just figured if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be and that I do have a lot in my life to be grateful for.

We never gave up trying. Not even for one month. Only very close friends and family knew we were trying and struggling but all I heard from them was "just relax and it'll happen" or that I was stressing too much about it. But I wanted it so much that it was literally on my mind 24/7. It was always there. Then when I did fall pregnant which was literally the month before we were going in to start the whole IVF process, everyone was like "that's because you relaxed". 100% wrong. I didn't want to go through IVF as if that failed, I would have felt it was the end of the road for us with baby trying. Every single month, we tried and we got there in the end. So don't give up, no matter what. If you're not trying, then it won't happen. I have known a few people who took around a year to conceive so, even though I know it feels like forever, it really isn't. Good luck x

 

[sarah2211]

I'm sorry you're here and had to find us and for all those comments your families have made. We haven't discussed our difficulties with anyone either. Although we aren't at the 12 month mark, I have PCOS and don't seem to ovulate very frequently (according to the doctor).

We had our first appointment earlier in the month and I'll start Clomid next cycle.

If your OB/GYN is prepared to test you and help, then I don't see why you couldn't stick with them. But you might prefer a FS. We saw a fertility specialist and I'm glad we did. He knew a lot about fertility and we felt like we were in the right hands.

Definitely bring DH. There's An equal chance that if they find a problem, the problem is with him. I've heard of some women say that the doctor asked their partner to drop his pants so they could have a look. Probably don't tell your DH that though haha he might not want to go. But for us, DH had a SA before the appointment and everything was good. You and DH are both in this together so bring him along, even if it is just so he and you can debrief after. It'll also help you to recall things from the appointment if you're both there.

I'm not past the year point yet but I'm already struggling to keep it private. Before our appointment we decided that we knew nothing about why it was taking so long so we had nothing to tell anyone. Now we know why, we still haven't told anyone. I think there could be benefit in telling 1 or 2 people that will listen and won't give you that negative advice. But it'd be up to you. Weve decided to keep it to ourselves as much as possible.

Sanity back? No tips really. But a few cycles back I tried to let go and acknowledge I'd done all that I could to make this happen. I couldn't do any more and that because of that it wasn't my fault. What would happen would happen and me getting upset about that wouldn't change it. It helped for one cycle and then I just got frustrated again.

Not taking a break. I don't think that would help for me.


If you would like to chat or vent or whatever, feel free to send me a private message

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey, we are at about the same point.

I'm not past a year yet but I am on my 13th cycle due to short cycles. I keep trying to make myself feel better about being on cycle #13 by saying things like "well one cycle you didn't ovulate so that doesn't count, and one cycle you just NTNP so that doesn't count either." But really its been so long that even Cycle 11 doesn't sound much better.

We are at the point now where we are getting initial testing down. SA was fantastic (like fantastic fantastic, pissed me off a little LOL), my hormones all came back normal (egg supply is fine), I ovulate normally, have regular periods. Only issue is lining might be too thin to support a pregnancy but my RE told me not to worry about it and that he would re-test it. Sounds like the ultrasound of my lining was a little inconclusive because of where I was in my cycle. Will get an HSG next cycle.

Unless the HSG shows something or they determine I do in fact have a thin lining, we'll end up in the unexplained category. Which is frustrating beyond all reason.

1. When I went to the doc they referred me directly to an RE as they are better equipped to handle fertility concerns than obgyns (and it would have been a wait for me to see an obgyn anyway since I don't have one).

2. I brought DH with me for all appointments. If anything it shows that we are in this together and I do appreciate the support from him. If I have to go, then he has to go to.

3. We told a small group of people that we have been TTC and told them that we didn't want questions about it and that we would update them when we felt it was appropriate. Everyone we've told has been very accepting of this, aside from my MIL (who I knew would be a problem lol). Shes gone ahead and started purchasing stuff for her future grandkids... bikes and everything. UGH, don't even get me started

4. For sanity, I buy myself something nice every time AF shows. Something that I wouldn't be able to enjoy if I was pregnant. This month it was a pair of expensive & tight-fitting jeans which I wouldn't be able to wear when pregnant (its like giving the universe the middle finger). I've also started acupuncture, which helps me to relax. I hide/block people on facebook who are pregnant so that I'm not triggered by their posts. And when feeling particularly angry I exact my revenge on my husbands punching bag.

5. I've never taken a break, but I'm starting to see the appeal. I'm not sure I could at this point though.

 

[soon2 b wifey]

So DH and I are TTC our 1st baby....and honestly we hit cycle 13 this month and I have an appointment in 3 weeks...I am terrified of what the OBGYN is going to say. I had a yearly last year and it was normal, then DH and I decided spontaneously to start for a little one about a month later, everyone in my family is fertile Myrtles...as is his family, so we just assumed this would work....now 13 months later and I'm nervous as all get out for this appointment....granted I still need to get AF this month which would be the week before my appointment if I get it...but at this point I'm running out of positivity to hold out hope that it is....I'm 6d post when I suspect I ovulated, day 21 of 31 day cycle, my boobs are killing me, and Ive had a few twinges in my abdomen today and once when I wiped there was some mucusy light pink discharge....so I'm sitting here writing out my list of questions for my obgyn trying desperately to keep DH from getting super excited thinking it was implantation bleeding, because weve been down this road before and I ended up getting AF 3 days early.
I'm glad I stumbled across this site...I feel lost and scared but thankfully not alone anymore. DH and I have decided not to discuss our fertility issues with anyone at this point. As far as everyone knows we took a break and never re-started after receiving ALOT of less than helpful comments about the time we had 5 family funerals (between his and my family) in about 8 weeks. (rough freaking year)....I just cant listen to how my SIL can get pregnant by sneezing, and how no one understands how its just not working, how I need to loose weight, and the ever present jokes that SIL needs to send me a video on how to get pregnant (because apparently when ppl found out 4 months was just failing at life and getting pregnant)....I just cant...
So my worry is:
-What exactly do I ask my obgyn, should I just get referred to an infertility specialist now?
-Does DH need to come incase they want to test him right away?
-How do you guys handle TTC longer then a year and wanting support vs wanting privacy to deal with it...
-Any tips to get my sanity back?
-Anyone taken a break at this point and re-started?
Basics on us both 28, married relatively low stress (with the exception of this summer) lives, active, slightly overweight, but otherwise no heart, thyroid, or major health issues, no stds, regular 31 day cycles with ovulation (on the months ive kept my spirits up to test) around day 16... no history of any gynecological conditions for me.
I'm so glad I found this site....

My OBGYN forced me to see an infertility specialist because they weren't equipped to discuss fertility issues with me.

I would say if your doctor is equipped then bring your husband unless you've already had the discussion with him of possible outcomes from your visit. I brought DH to the specialist for support. I thought it'd be an intense process, but it was quick and easy. He tested at a later time.

I definitely understand where your coming from with the support. I didn't tell anyone at one year, I didn't know that was a problem. I wanted support at three years and everyone blew my concerns away.

I lost my sanity too. A tip I can offer is take a break and catch your breath. I'm constantly bouncing between NTNP and TTC. Otherwise, I'd be a zombie.

Hope this helps. Good Luck and Baby Dust.

 

[maybe_baby_]

Hi Kit- I am in the same boat. We have been TTC for 12 months. I am 11 dpo this month, and pretty certain I am not pregnant. I made an appointment with my OBGYN, but also called a really well regarded RE center to see if I needed a referral, etc. They said I didn't, so I have a consult on 10/10. I'm both excited and nervous, because I never imagined we would not fall pregnant on our own.

Reading your post was like reading something I wrote to myself. I'm 29 and he's 30. I ovulate regularly (at least when I've tracked) and have normal 27-31 day cycles. We are overall pretty healthy, although we could stand to lose some weight. I am the last of my friends to get pregnant, and like you, one of my best friends gets pregnant when her husband looks at her funny. She has a 19 month old, a 6 month old, and they are 'trying' for number 3 (but I bet they are already pregnant). She and a few other friends know that we have been trying, and they all say "you're stressing yourself out by using OPKs and taking your temperature. Just let it happen and it will happen." Those words cut through me like a knife. No, it won't just happen if I stop stressing, but thank you SO much for your input. Ugh! On top of that, my MIL makes comments at every opportunity that she wants grandkids, and her favorite "I'll be dead before you give me grandbabies." I used to be able to laugh it off, but it gets harder and harder every month that goes by that I don't end up pregnant.

Anxious to hear your update and would love to lean on each other during this process if you're looking for a buddy!

 

[BelleNuit]

Maybe_Baby I have to laugh because my FIL said the same thing to me about grandkids back when I was 21 and wasn't even thinking about trying LOL I was still in University at the time. I told him we'd probably start trying in about 5 years, his response "Well I'll be dead by then!" (it's been 6 years he's not "dead yet", but just as grouchy as ever lol) Since trying I didnt want my in-laws to know, but my DH eventually decided he wanted to tell his family. His mother has since gone out and started buying baby stuff and kid stuff, "just in case" To be fair she has been collecting for years, but it bothers me so much more now because it's just not happening! And I don't know why it isn't happening! All of our testing has come back good so far! She seems to think that if you just try long enough eventually it'll happen