LTTTC remember the first cycle?

[dachsundmom]

Ready, what do you mean by "coming to an end?"

 

[Indigo77]

Damn, Ready!

Maybe you just need a few months off?

 

[readyformore]

You know, I have these three great kids (notice my status has said for a few months mom to 3-then ttc. I am a mother first and I can't forget that).
For me, this ltttc/IUI and repeated failure, puts a cloud over EVERYTHING in my life. I hate raising my kids and having this looming sense of failure/saddness hanging over me. They deserve better.

I am going to do 4 cycles of IUI just because it took that long to conceive my first. But, in all honesty, I really think my body is trying to tell me something. It's been changing a lot lately and I really think it just doesn't want to be pregnant again. I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic. If it doesn't work in the next 3 cycles, then I need to listen to my body and move on. Acceptance really.

I can't look back and say that I've spent X amount of years being miserable b/c I was ttc. (Because really, it does make me miserable. I HATE ttc). Maybe if it didn't make me a miserable hag, I could go on longer. . . ..

I just want to be happy again, kwim.

I need to focus on what I DO have, not what I want, and I don't feel I can do both simultaneously. I'm not trying to be dramatic either. But, I've been listening to all of my friends talk about their kids getting older and how they have more freedom now that they don't have a baby. I would LOVE another baby, but I am starting to see what they are talking about. My baby will be 3 in 2 months, and that is bittersweet. But, having a baby isn't all sunshine. Maybe everyone moving on together won't be so bad.

I am not ready to do anything permant, but I won't ever see another doctor about infertility, and I plan on torching my thermometer. We will probably avoid for some time. My husband has wanted a vasectomy since before my third was conceived (lol), it will come to that at some point I'm sure, but not soon.
And, I may decide to come back after a year or so, but I'm emotionally toasted. I want my life back.

 

[dachsundmom]

 

[readyformore]

Maybe I'm not too good with words, but I just saw this on another thread I check in with.
She said exactly how I feel, but with fewer words. . . .

"I need to get my head back into a space where I am happy with my life the way that it is. I have become consumed with TTC and it has become the way I define myself and its not healthy."

 

[bambinowtd]

Hello all,

I have to agree with the feelings presented here: tonight I feel completely done with the disappointment. I don't want to think about how easily it comes for everyone else but me, and having to explain that once again, this month we were not successful.

 

[crystal443]

ready.. I know what your saying,that's why we're doing IVF. It either needs to happen or we're finished as well. We've been at this way too long and it will either happen with help or its time to move on with the kids we have We're going to give IVF a fair shot and will be looking at 4 cycles over the next year if that doesn't do the trick then that will be it for us I think.

Sarah- I always feel bad when the ladies announce they're pregnant and then leave..I actually feel a bit guilty because they feel like they have to go or something I think that's why journals are so great....

 

[Natsby]

Oh there is so much sadness on here and it breaks my heart, why does it have to be so hard? It is 5am and I´m up coz I can´t sleep. I dreamed I was pregnant and it was so awful accepting it wasn´t true when I woke up I just couldn´t go back to sleep.
I guess in an strange way I am lucky, I have been pregnant three times in my life, no babies to show for it sadly, but at least I know it is possible. I think the unexplained diagnosis has to be the hardest one to deal with. Ready I can understand you are feeling fried, i hope iui works for you, or if not that you get back to where you want to be in feeling contented with your life. Yes TTC sucks but without it I wouldn´t have got to know you lot so at least I have my silver lining.
I´m on cycle 12 since my last mc and we don´t have money for treatments, the state just cut all funding for fertility and if i get insurance they won´t pay for fertility treatments in the first year, so trying a PMA is pretty much my only path for now. So yes! Manifest and then some!

 

[Indigo77]

I think the ladies don't stay because they are just in a different place.
I know Eva feels a bit guilty. They must want to talk about pregnancy,
but don't feel comfortable talking about it with women who are still TTC.

I wish they would stay, though. I have no actual idea what to do if I ever
get knocked up. I guess I should stalk the 35+ pregnancy thread, but in all
honesty, when I do, it feels too stressful. They have a new set of anxieties
that I can't wrap my mind around yet.

 

[bambinowtd]

Oh there is so much sadness on here and it breaks my heart, why does it have to be so hard? It is 5am and I´m up coz I can´t sleep. I dreamed I was pregnant and it was so awful accepting it wasn´t true when I woke up I just couldn´t go back to sleep.
I guess in an strange way I am lucky, I have been pregnant three times in my life, no babies to show for it sadly, but at least I know it is possible. I think the unexplained diagnosis has to be the hardest one to deal with. Ready I can understand you are feeling fried, i hope iui works for you, or if not that you get back to where you want to be in feeling contented with your life. Yes TTC sucks but without it I wouldn´t have got to know you lot so at least I have my silver lining.
I´m on cycle 12 since my last mc and we don´t have money for treatments, the state just cut all funding for fertility and if i get insurance they won´t pay for fertility treatments in the first year, so trying a PMA is pretty much my only path for now. So yes! Manifest and then some!

I've dreamt too many times about being pregnant, or holding a child. It is the most incredible feeling as I'm dreaming it, and yet the most heartsinking feeling when you awaken from it.

I wish you all the baby dust in the world, and may you enjoy a pleasant, restful sleep tonight.

 

[mummymurray74]

Hi girls, when we started ttc in december, i even bought a moses basket in a sale!!!! because i was convinced we would be needing it within a few months! We were excited and i imagined the lovely home birth im planning and my head just went off in a spin for a month or two wondering if we would finally get our girl?!

Its now september and im fed up, bored, sick to death of my thermometer and when i get my AF i have to stop myself from stamping on it! With my others i didnt need to do any of this stuff, just fell pregnant using opk within 2 months. Now i cant see it happening, people who werent planning anymore kids are like 6 months pregnant and everyone it seems i see has a 'bump' and i feel seething jealousy towards them for a slight second and feel my eyes welling up wherever i am!

At least sex is still enjoyable for us, but whenever its 'time' i imagine the sperm swimming there and fertilising my egg and etc etc and i get hopeful and excited then ovulation passes and i take care with evrything i do 'just incase' and imagine a little embryo inside me and i symptom spot every little thing, even though i promise myself not to do it! then i get cramps and i still deny them, thinking to myself they are growing cramps from pregnancy......then two days later end up in floods of tears because we havent been successful again and feel like a complete idiot the past 2ww.

So yes im slowly losing it, and i am really at the point where i am losing all hope ive tried having time 'off' and we have been on 2 holidays abroad in the sun in the past 4 months, chilling and i actually did forget all about it .....but still nothing...........

 

[readyformore]

Sorry this turned sad Natsby.

I hope your PMA works for you!

btw- I've had those pregnancy dreams, it's awful. I had 2 in the same week. Fortunately, I haven't had one in several months. Lately, it's been all action/adventure in my dreams, lol.

 

[dachsundmom]

Sorry this turned sad Natsby.

I hope your PMA works for you!

btw- I've had those pregnancy dreams, it's awful. I had 2 in the same week. Fortunately, I haven't had one in several months. Lately, it's been all action/adventure in my dreams, lol.

Actually, I really appreciate your sentiment and honesty.

 

[Sus09]

To you all ladies!

It is hard what we go through so just want to send you lots of hugs and positive thoughts gilrs!!

I am also considered a high risk pregancy due to my losses, and like all conception does not seem to happen for me... yet.

It is frustrating when people who are new to the forum seem to get pregant so quick, but we don´t know how long they have been TTC. However i am always hoping to see the ladies i know with a BFP.

Hopefully most of you will have your BFP before chirstmas!

 

[Indigo77]

This is our 7th cycle TTC, but I have been charting since December...

No more temping for me, except for the time between my first positive OPK and my temp rise to confirm ovulation.

I have tried soy, PreSeed, softcups, B complex, progesterone, Guaifenesin and the SMEP.

October will be my first month not trying something new, because I have run out of ideas.

Is this when the frustration begins?

 

[dachsundmom]

Yes

 

[Indigo77]

Lovely....https://www.myemoticons.com/images/super-smileys/emotions/kicking-dirt.gif

 

[googly]

I don't know that I'm considered LTTTC yet - it's been 8 cycles TTC, with an additional 2 or so NTNP (with little clue back then, mind you). But all of this year basically. I have some form of LPD, so LP is 7-9 days, possibly with an endometrium issue... not too flash for the TTC.

I was really starting to get a bit apathetic/down the last couple of cycles before last, but going to the FS really picked me up and made me feel like I was doing something constructive/that I had options. I'm on my second cycle of clomid now and, I don't know, out of the blue I am ridiculously hopeful and optimistic for this cycle - I have no concrete reason for it, my LP didn't increase last cycle, but I feel entirely positive and almost - excited.

I'll probably be back in a few days from now to delete this naiive posting but for now - it's on!

to all, sooner or later all of our times will come xxxxxxxx

 

[Natsby]

I don't know that I'm considered LTTTC yet - it's been 8 cycles TTC, with an additional 2 or so NTNP (with little clue back then, mind you). But all of this year basically. I have some form of LPD, so LP is 7-9 days, possibly with an endometrium issue... not too flash for the TTC.

I was really starting to get a bit apathetic/down the last couple of cycles before last, but going to the FS really picked me up and made me feel like I was doing something constructive/that I had options. I'm on my second cycle of clomid now and, I don't know, out of the blue I am ridiculously hopeful and optimistic for this cycle - I have no concrete reason for it, my LP didn't increase last cycle, but I feel entirely positive and almost - excited.

I'll probably be back in a few days from now to delete this naiive posting but for now - it's on!

to all, sooner or later all of our times will come xxxxxxxx

Good luck, I hope you positivity pays off. I have my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Indigo77]

I don't know that I'm considered LTTTC yet - it's been 8 cycles TTC, with an additional 2 or so NTNP (with little clue back then, mind you). But all of this year basically. I have some form of LPD, so LP is 7-9 days, possibly with an endometrium issue... not too flash for the TTC.

I was really starting to get a bit apathetic/down the last couple of cycles before last, but going to the FS really picked me up and made me feel like I was doing something constructive/that I had options. I'm on my second cycle of clomid now and, I don't know, out of the blue I am ridiculously hopeful and optimistic for this cycle - I have no concrete reason for it, my LP didn't increase last cycle, but I feel entirely positive and almost - excited.

I'll probably be back in a few days from now to delete this naiive posting but for now - it's on!

to all, sooner or later all of our times will come xxxxxxxx

I need to make an appointment....to a RE, I guess....?