LTTTC Telling Family?

[Mrs B.]

Hi all,

I've kept my ttc journey quiet on the whole (told a couple of close friends and obviously talk to people on here...but haven't told any family). We're now nearing the 2 year mark ttc and will be starting the IVF referral process in July. I'm contemplating telling family - in particular telling my parents and just not hiding it from everyone else. We're going to have to tell my work in July anyway because I will need time off for IVF stuff...and I think I ought to really tell family before then! Any thoughts, any experiences? Are you glad you told family - did it make it worse or better?

Thanks

 

[jules87]

I've only told two people that we have been ttc for over a year. My cousin who is more like my sister and my mom.
Everyone else is left to think what they want to think.

 

[weebubba]

My sister knows and a couple of close friends. Not told our parents yet, probably wait until there is something to tell!

 

[LoveCakes]

We told our parents once lttc as they know us well enough to know when we're upset and to stop MIL asking!

OH told a few friends so he had someone to talk to. So far I'm glad we did but I don't want it to be general knowledge.

 

[MollyNorwood]

I told my DH while we were dating that I had PCOS and we would have trouble having a baby, and my family and friends already knew by then too. DH told his parents, and now we have been TTC for 15 months our joint friends know too. I have always been a very open person and have no issue mentioning it when we have been asked when we were planning on having a bub. At least we no longer get asked which I find a relief as it's less pressure. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You have to deal with the hand you got.

 

[PinkPeony]

We've told close family and a few friends. DH just says whatever is on his mind sometimes and let it out of the bag to some friends I would have rather not have told. In general it's been positive, but a few ppl have revealed their jerky nature. The one thing about telling my mom is that now she thinks she's intitled to know every detail so I 've had to tell her to back off. The last thing I want is her phoning me up on test day after doing an IUI... After getting a BFN I really don't want to have to break the news to her too. She also keeps making stupid suggestions but doesn't know what she's talking about. It's pretty frustrating.

 

[Lans]

I told everyone close to us from the begining thinking we would be pregnant strait away! Two years later and waiting on the results of our first ivf i think there is more pressure from everyone knowing and wishing we had kept it to ourselves!

 

[Mrs B.]

Thanks everyone. I think I will tell my parents soon but i'll keep it quiet at work until I absolutely have to tell people. Problem now is it feels so wrong to tell anyone after keeping it a secret for so long!!!

 

[xxshellsxx]

I told my immediate family (mum and sister) from the beginning, but i have a close family and i needed them to be there for me to help me through it. Eventually after all these years my entire family know about it, i don't hide it from anyone and i'll happily talk about it if any asks as i think the more people who know about infertility and how it effects people - especially in my very fertile family they have no idea what it's like to struggle to have a child - the better it is. It's not a topic of conversation that comes up regularly, but ever now and then it comes up and my family have been great x

 

[MrsOvey]

I haven't told anyone in my family, only 2 close friends and they are the only 2 that know anything about our referral. I can't tell my mum, i don't have that kind of relationship with her! I had an operation when i was 18 and didn't tell her until the day before that i was having it lol x

 

[CaliDreaming]

I told my father after we had been trying for a year. My brother and his wife had just announced that they were expecting their second child after I had just experienced my second failed Clomid cycle. I was at my breaking point and felt that I was never going to get through their pregnancy if someone didn't know what was going on. My mom passed away in 2009, and I felt I had no one in my close family to talk to about it.

My dad has no experience with infertility so his reaction was a little disappointing. I told him that we had been trying for a year with no success, and he was all happy that he might be getting another grandchild. I tried to get him to understand that after trying for a year with my age and other issues that it might never happen for us and I was trying to come to terms with raising my dd as an only. However, he was fixated on the prospect of us having another and kept going on about the joys of grandchildren. I asked him whether we should consider adopting, and he quickly said, "no I wouldn't do that." Even though we had decided for many reasons not to adopt, that comment just felt like another door slamming on my hope of having another child. I bawled my eyes out the whole weekend after talking to him.

However, I am definitely glad that I told him. Although he may not always say the right thing at the right time, it is a huge load off me to know that my family is supporting me in the way they know how. My dad also discreetly told my brother, so hopefully he and his wife understand the pressures I am under although I am happy for them. My dad has also gotten better with supporting me with the treatments. I think it is a matter of teaching your family about infertility and how it affects you. It's rare that someone "gets it" if they haven't been through this themselves.

 

[tommyg]

Most of my friends know. 3 of them and my sister have all had problems too so they know and understand the process.
Its been good esp as they understand my parents know because mums been through it all before. DH is more reserved than I am so he's not really told anybody and I can't see has mum saying the right thing so its easier not to tell her.

 

[ChartsNHearts]

After we had passed the year mark I told one of my sisters, my best friend, my mum and my auntie. My mother-in-law also asked shortly afterwards whether we were thinking of starting a family soon and so I chose that opportunity to tell her then too.

At this stage I wouldn't really be bothered if more of our close friends and family knew, although we still wouldn't mention anything to colleagues.

Now that we're coming up to 18 months TTC and we're starting to see the doctor/get tests etc. I'm glad that I told them. I'd echo what a previous poster said - they might not necessarily say the 'right' things, but I'm glad that I have their support regardless.

 

[Molae06]

A few close friends and my sister knew from the beginning but that was it. Dh's family ended up finding out before my mom. His family found out first because we announced my pregnancy to them within days of finding out, I just wanted to let it out I was so excited, but then a couple weeks later when I m/c, we ended up telling them what happened and what a long and hard journey it's been.

A couple months after that I ended up in a jam and had about 5 u/s in one cycle and additional meds and the costs were really adding up. I couldn't just cancel the cycle after spending so much additional money so I told my mom our situation and she offered to loan me some money. She found out about my m/c and seemed hurt that we hadn't mentioned anything but I explained it was painful enough without the whole world knowing and then she agreed.

I am happy everyone knows now, especially because up until then our family had just kind of went on to assume that we didn't want kids since we had been together for 7 years without any mention ever of babies.

Whatever you decide it will be what's best for you.