Makes me embarrassed to BF sometimes

[CupcakeBaby]

I follow a few BFing groups on Facebook (Lactivist etc) and sometimes they are so high and mighty it makes me feel sad.

Yes BFing is best for your baby. Everyone knows this.

But the staunch anti FF comments almost embarrass me.

My aim is for DD to never have formula. But that's my choice and my business. The same equally goes for people who FF. they're not abusing their children but some if these people make out they are.

You'd think BFing mothers would be kind people.....

Sorry - rant over.

 

[kezziek]

Totally agree with you there cupcake! I've noticed it with other parenting trends/preferences like baby wearing too- I follow a group on Facebook because I like to carry my little one and there are lots of good things about baby wearing for Mummy and baby etc but there are folks on there who who make you feel like ever putting your baby in a pram/buggy is neglectful parenting etc.

I guess we just all like to feel our way is the best way and it really seems to come out among us Mummy's of little ones xx

 

[misspriss]

Yeah, I am kind of embarassed when people are rude about it.

But it shouldn't make you feel bad for doing the biological norm with your child, it's natural, normal, and shouldn't cause any stress.

I've been through a lot of stress and challenges BFing my baby, and I feel like I shouldn't be too proud or talk about how proud I am of overcoming the struggles because I don't want to sound all high and mighty about it, but it was hard work to get over them!

 

[CupcakeBaby]

No it doesn't make me feel bad. I just don't want people to assume that because I say she's EBF and I want to do it for a long time that I'm trying to be high and mighty with them.

Also annoys me when people tell me I'm lucky I have BFd so long. Because it was too painful for them and they only did it for 1/2/3 weeks.

Lucky?!! I cried every day for 5 weeks and dreaded every feed!

 

[vintagecat]

It is embarrassing and it casts a terrible light on people who aren't negative about it. I hate when people tell me why breastfeeding didn't work for them...I never ask and I don't want to know. It makes me feel guilty every time and I'm just feeding my daughter. There are so many other topics we can discuss and argue about.

 

[Larkspur]

It's not just breastfeeding, I have had to un follow several natural parenting pages on Facebook because the holier-than-thou attitudes in the comments in the discussion threads were making me say too many bad words.

 

[Kage76]

I dont normally post in here- but as a formula feeder- thanks! its nice to know that im not the only one to get my nose out of joint about some of the comments on the web, and its not just because i formula feed. Vintagecat, just so you know the comments you get are probably coming from guilt and sadness at the failure to breastfeed- and its almost an automatic response, most women are beating themselves up so much about their use of formula they justify it to almost anyone who will listen so they can avoid getting hurtful remarks. Its more about allaying guilt than trying to make you feel guilty. Don't take it personally, It's not meant that way.

 

[PearDrops20]

My best friend had overheard other mums talking about breastfeeders and how they thought they were better than formula feeders etc and she butted in and had said that her best friend (being me) was going to be breastfeeding and she didn't feel put down by me talking about wanting to breastfeed because I felt that was the right decision for me and how I had never judged or commented on her bottle feeding her two LO's because that was what was right for her and they seemed surprised :/.
It did make me feel a little bit sad knowing some womens views on those who breastfeed and how they were bunching us altogether when its really a minority that have those "godly" views about FF's and vice versa.

 

[tokyo]

I've been on the other side of this too - I commented on an article online which had some inaccurate information in. My comment was about the benefits of breastfeeding and I stuck to facts, quoted sources and provided links as I feel that people should be able to check things out for themselves and not just take my word for it. I didn't say anything negative about ff ing, just was positive towards bfing and I got slammed for 'shaming' and 'guilt tripping' mums who ff. I wasnt doing that at all, but it seems that you cannot openly be positive about bfing without being assumed to be anti ff. Made me very sad that we have become so divided and you're automatically assigned to a 'side' in some kind of 'mummy war'. I'm now very wary of posting anything outside of bnb

 

[CupcakeBaby]

I agree Tokyo. I've had that happen also.

I think it's like Kage76 said and some FF mums feel very guilty for not BFing and its then easy to understand why hearing the benefits of BFing would cause someone to be very defensive.

I'm very lucky in that I've had amazing support and can be with DD 24/7. If I didn't have those two things I think I probably would've switched to formula and would be one of those upset that I couldn't BF.

It's very hard for both sides. I want to sing from the rooftops that I am still BFing after all the pain. But I know that's impossible without making others feel bad. So I just keep it between myself and DH and dont mention it at all with others beyond "yes I feed her myself"

 

[Jary]

I can't understand how some people can be like this. Yes BFing is wonderful not only for baby but for mums too but FF babies do just as well! I was FF after two weeks of BFing as my mum had very engorged breasts and I was losing weight...shields and pumping didn't help her. I'm fine so I'm not against FF mums! I think especially since I've been BFing...I found it so hard and felt so close to quitting. I have respect for both BF and FF mums. It's a personal choice and a choice that needs to work for both mum and baby.

It shouldn't make you feel embarrassed...it's your decision

 

[Bex84]

Its stupid, we all do whats best for our families, I had from opposite side with people including other mums telling me how disgusting bf is, and then kept going on at me about how I should stop. This got worse after lo reached a year, she self weaned at 22 months. Even dr told me doesent do anything for baby after 6 months. I think people are judgemental on both sides. I did what was best for us, I don't know why people feel need to comment on others decisions. To be honest it makes absolutely no difference to me if people ff or bf

 

[Jary]

How is BFing disgusting?! Did they say to stop because they thought it was disgusting?

At the end of the day, both formula and breast feed and support our babies. As long as they are growing and are happy then it makes no difference

 

[Elisianna]

I only know one mom who formula feeds and I sometimes feel bad talking about breastfeeding around her cause I know she really wanted to breastfeed, she just couldn't. Her family (her in-laws) talks to me about it though and how wonderful it is that I breastfeed... And I cannot help but agree!

I do hate the whole attitude with some breastfeeding, baby wearing etc folks... Though I guess we cannot all filter every single thing we say to not hurt someone's feelings. I don't necessarily like the attitude but I completely respect their right to have it and broadcast it, even though it does hurt feelings. I myself feel unnecessary guilt over an unplanned c-section, particularly because I tend to Attachment Parent. In those groups, natural birth is the way to go. Reading all that stuff sometimes makes me feel like a failure... But then I have to remember that if I didn't have the cesarean my daughter never would have come and and we'd probably both be dead.

 

[Bex84]

How is BFing disgusting?! Did they say to stop because they thought it was disgusting?

At the end of the day, both formula and breast feed and support our babies. As long as they are growing and are happy then it makes no difference

Apparently its just weird. I only know one other person who breast fed who isn't local to me. I live in an area where its not widely done. When the children centre wanted to set up support at a local group it was seen as forcing people to bf and that they wanted no part. Lots of people were up in arms that they didn't want support there for breast feeding. I was told once they ask by pulling at top its disgusting, and the fact I breast fed till 22 months was commented on. People who were my friends kept going on about when I was going to stop. MIL didn't like it from day one and hated me bf around them. They seemed to equate it with something sexual which is so wrong. When I went to a nearby town it would be fine if I bf in public but where I live seems to just have very anti bf view. I have also had comments from next door neighbour about how awful carriers are. It is so silly I would never even consider saying something to someone else about whether they bf or ff. They did say to stop as they found it disgusting so I think you get from both sides. I don't know why we cant just support each other as fellow mums. As you say whether bf or ff the baby is getting the food they need, why does it matter

 

[Jary]

Wow, I would have thought BFing was supported everywhere :/

They wouldn't like it if someone went up to them and started saying formula feeding is awful. Well I guess that's just some people. I can imagine its off putting but its good that you bf despite their rude comments!

 

[aliss]

I've seen both sides of it. Some women are just outright cows (excuse the pun). But I also think that you can't even help women with logical feeding advice before someone shouts down ("happy mummy happy baby!!! don't judge!!!)

 

[summer rain]

It doesn't make me embarrassed to BF because I am not responsible for the views of all BFers just like as a Muslim I an not in any way responsible for the views and actions of all Muslims. I can understand some BF mums getting defensive just as you can understand some FF mums getting defensive. I have done both BF and FF and when FF it was the easier option as no-one knocked me for it and I was doing the 'best' or 'right' thing, when BF this was always called into question by both health professionals and extended family alike. I know some of those women who seem to be being judgemental and harsh on the boards on Facebook and elsewhere have had similar experiences to me and have been proverbially beaten over the head for continuing to BF despite problems they may have had or even the fact it isn't the 'done thing' where they live. Most lactivists have nothing against FFers or even formula per SE but they are against lack of support for BFing from hcps and society and laws on formula promotion that are there for protection of all mums and babies being flouted xx

 

[Larkspur]

I had from opposite side with people including other mums telling me how disgusting bf is

I'm sorry but out of all the negative comments about BFing that you do see, this is one that just makes me giggle. Disgusting? What do they think people did for thousands - nay, millions - of years before formula was invented? Do they think eating is disgusting?! How about breathing?

 

[CupcakeBaby]

I had from opposite side with people including other mums telling me how disgusting bf is

I'm sorry but out of all the negative comments about BFing that you do see, this is one that just makes me giggle. Disgusting? What do they think people did for thousands - nay, millions - of years before formula was invented? Do they think eating is disgusting?! How about breathing?

Lol. I like a human drinking human milk is disgusting and yet drinking milk from a cow is perfectly non-disgusting!