Jibber Jabber
Maxy Moo's Mummy
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- Feb 23, 2010
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Ok,I haven't really spoken about my birth on here as I have found it difficult to admit to other people. In a way I am ashamed with how it ended up, but I wanted to share it with people in a kind of cathartic way. Warning its very long, I wanted to get down as much as I could remember so if you get to the end you need a medal! I'd appreciate it if people don't judge me for making the decision that I did.
Get a cup of tea, you will need it!
Thursday 6th January
After having Braxton Hicks all week, I had noticed that there was reduced movement from a normally really active baby. Hoping that this was the start of things and that he was resting himself in anticipation of the big I I thought I would go to bed and just try and count the movements. I lay on my left side and had a few digs which would always let me know that he was ok and went to sleep.
Friday 7th January
Woke up at around 3.30am and went to the toilet, I felt a little odd and tried to feel bump move and I couldn't feel anything. A few pokes and a cold drink later I woke Scott and said that I was worried, he tried to feel baby move but couldn't either, I rang the maternity ward who were most helpful and they informed me that babies like to sleep at night and that if I was worried I should come in to get checked. Really upset with the HCA tone and attitude I questioned myself was I being overlly neurotic and should I just go back to sleep? I knew I wouldn't sleep so Scott and I got our act together and headed off to hospital, me still in my pj's!
Once we got to the hospital we sat in a waiting room and spotted the partner of one of our NCT ladies dashing around, we both smiled and thought it will be out turn soon and that we hoped Emma was ok. We were then shown to a cubicle and strapped to a monitor, needless to say that as soon as baby was attached to the monitor some quite impressive gymnastics started to take place, we were monitored for around an hour and a half and I thought fab, they'll be pleased everything is fine and we'll soon be off home for some sleep! At around 8am we got to see the consultant, they were originally going to scan me to check the baby but the consultant said that the scan wouldn't give us much information and that as I was 40 + 4 the best thing to do was to just induce me as I had now had 2 periods of reduced fetal movement. Wowsers. I sat there in absolute shock, my birth plan had completely gone out of the window and I was also going to remain in hospital and would only be going home with a baby, I started to find all that a little overwhelming and started to cry. I had been starting to prepare myself that I may need an induction but this all hit home and as soon as it did my anxiety kicked in. I could feel the familiar feelings of anxiety starting to rear their head and wasn't sure how I was going to cope.
A couple of hours later at around 11am I was taken up to the antenatal ward, Scott had gone home and got the hospital bags and we were waiting to see a midwife to understand what was going to happen. While I was waiting for Scott to come back from home I could hear the lady in the cubicle near me in labour, I heard her crying in pain and asking to be examined. The midwife examined her and told her she was 4cm and had a long way to go yet, she asked for some pethidine and seemed to feel a bit better and was able to rest a bit. Hearing this lady just upset me and made me feel even more anxious, I just felt so overwhelmed and was convinced that I couldn't do this. I got upset again when Scott came and I just wanted it to all be over, I felt like a complete baby and felt that I was a failure for feeling the way that I did. I mean, how many woman have babies and here is me crying at the sound of a woman in labour, convinced that I wouldn't be able to cope.
We finally saw a midwife at around 1pm, they put me on the monitor and checked everything with baby. All was fine, she examined me afterwards which led to more crying and distress and she told me that my cervix was favourable (whatever that means!) and that I was 3 cm's dilated and she could stretch to 4. She gave me a sweep which was uncomfortable but not painful more like a smear than anything else and there was allot of blood, she seemed to think that might be my show. She inserted the pessary and told me to lie still for around 30mins and then to go for a walk to try and kick things off, she said they would examine me at 10pm if obviously nothing had happened.
So, off we went for a little walk. I really wanted to go outside and try and get some fresh air but the weather was awful and raining so we just did a few laps of the maternity ward! We went back to the cubicle and I could feel some period type pains and I thought that something might be happening, I think secretly I was worried sick and actually didn't want anything to happen. I thought that I should just get on with it so with Scott sitting playing Angry Birds on his phone I bounced on a birthing ball in the attempt to move things along. Hours passed and it became obvious that the period pains were passing and that they were probably caused by the sweep and that the first pessary hadn't worked. I had mixed feelings, I know it sounds a bit weird but I wanted it to work so I could meet my son but I also didn't want it to work because I was so frightened about what might happen in labour.
At around 6pm we spotted the NCT couple, Emma had had her lovely little boy called Aiden. He was literally only an hour and a half old when we saw him. I hadn't ever seen a baby that new it was so exciting! She had a tough time and ended up pretty battered and bruised, she told me in great detail about her waters breaking, induction, labour, forceps and ventouse delivery which started off yet more tears when I got back to the cubicle. I was at this point getting really annoyed and frustrated with myself for being such a baby and crying all the time. I felt like a joke. I sent a few texts to Eleanor who had become my cheer squad and she made me feel better about everything, I think deep down I knew that I was struggling though.
After some more monitoring the next pessary was inserted at around 9pm, the midwife examined me and there was no change. She did another sweep that hurt a little this time and again told me to lie still for a while, she then sent Scott home and said that if anything happened they would call him . I was so upset when Scott left, I just lay there crying for a while and felt so worried and scared. I felt sick and had diarrhoea and just had to lay still and wait for the pessary to dissolve. At around 10pm I couldn't hold it any more and had to go to the toilet. When sitting on the toilet I felt a plop and looked in the loo and spotted the 2nd pessary, undissolved. Great, I thought. I told the midwife who said that it might work and she apologised and said that she may not have positioned the pessary deep enough. I still had to stay in hospital and wait to see the consultant the next morning. I just wanted to go home at this point, there was absolutely no point in me being there and I just wanted to be with Scott and in my own home. I had a chat with the midwife in the night when things had quietened down for her and she made me feel a little better, we talked about my anxiety and what it was that I was so frightened about and talking to her made me feel positive that I could do this. I went back to my cubicle and felt a little brighter, I had no pain through the night at all and also absolutely no sleep. The lady in the next cubicle snored like a train so there was very little chance of sleep.
Saturday 8th January
The next morning Scott returned at 8am, I was so happy to see him. I had missed him so much, I did however advise him that he had got there at 8.15 and that he was late and not to do that again! After a wait (another one!) the midwife came along and put me on the monitor for over an hour just in case the consultant wanted to try another pessary. The consultant came along and examined me, still no change, he checked my waters and they were still intact. His advice was to take me to the labour ward, break my waters and to put me on the hormone drip to get things moving, I agreed apprehensively. This is what I really didn't want, I had read far too much into the hormone drip etc and had just had a friend have a baby after this method and after her having a particularly traumatic birth I felt my anxiety kick in big time. I could feel myself hyperventilating, sweating, feeling sick and I just wanted to get to the toilet. The midwife said we might have to wait a few hours to go to the labour ward so Scott and I went to the day room and watched some of the Leeds Vs Arsenal FA Cup match. I remember staring at the screen not really watching feeling more and more stressed, when the midwife at 3pm told us to get our stuff as we were going I sat on the bed shaking uncontrollably, Scott was trying to pack our stuff together and ended up having to get one of the funky hospital supermarket trolleys to transport all of our stuff!
We got to the labour ward after walking down there and chit chatting with the midwife, we were introduced to Helen who was going to be our midwife she led us to a room and as soon as I walked in there things started to go horribly wrong. The room was the room that made me so upset when we did our hospital tour, some of the rooms were fine and spacious however this room was clinical and resembled a padded cell from a psychiatric hospital, I felt claustrophobic and like I was trapped, I couldn't breathe and I started to cry hysterically and heave. The midwife looked completely unmoved and she sat on the bed and gave me a hug, she was wonderful. Poor Scott just looked so worried, everything felt like it was just too much for me.
I'd spent the whole of my pregnancy trying to work with my anxiety as I really wanted to have a calm and peaceful birth, I was so worried about something seriously wrong happening to me or my baby. I have always had an irrational fear that I would die in childbirth stupid I know but it is just how I have always felt. Sitting in that room not knowing what was going to happen made me feel that I couldn't cope and that I wasn't strong enough, I felt like and I probably still do - a failure. I'd let my anxiety beat me. The midwife told me that they could offer me an epidural before my waters were broken, she explained that it wasn't something that they would normally do but it was a way they could keep my blood pressure low and try and keep me calm. I then asked for a c section, I feel a little bit ashamed that I did that, I felt like I had wimped out. She told me that she would get the consultant, I was still crying and hysterical at this point and I could see that Scott was getting more and more worried about me and what this was all doing to our baby. I can't praise the midwife that we had enough, she was fantastic and didn't treat me like some sort of baby. She said that she wanted me to give birth in the way that was right for me and nobody else. She went to get the consultant that we had spoken to earlier.
When the consultant arrived I burst into tears again, honestly by this point I was so frustrated and sick of myself it was unbelievable. I was such an emotional wreck, I just wasn't coping and was absolutely exhausted. The consultant asked me what I wanted, he said that he would do the c section if it was what I wanted, I explained to him how I was feeling and he asked again what I felt was right. He said that me and Scott needed to talk about things but whatever decision we made about birth he would support it, he was a really nice Dr and he kept things light hearted by telling us that he held the hospital record for length of c section and that if I had a section at least he could go home on time!
Scott and I had a talk, I explained how I was feeling, that I was worried about what would happen, how I was worried the birth would be traumatic and I would resent our son and how if the birth was traumatic I wouldn't want any other children. I also still had the overwhelming fear that I was going to die in childbirth too, I know all these feelings seem irrational and don't make sense. But to me even now they are absolutely irrational however I just couldn't push them out of my head. Scott and I decided that a c section was the way to go for us and we told the midwife what we had decided. I got a little upset when we told her as I felt like I had given up and I felt like I had failed Scott and my son, Helen said to me that she thought that Scott and I were going to be amazing parents and that our baby wouldn't care how he arrived as long as he did safely. She told me there were no medals for childbirth and that I shouldn't feel bad.
As soon as we decided that we wanted the section and 4.45pm everything went absolutely bonkers! There was a cancellation for theatre and it was go go go! The anaesthetist came in to talk to me he told me the risks etc and asked if having a tour of the theatre might help me relax more Helen had a chat with me and we decided that it might overwhelmed me more and that we should just go for it when he was the he also put in a canula, he wasn't the best at it and had to have a couple of attempts, I wasn't exactly filled with confidence that this man was about to put a needle in my spine! Scott packed up our bits and we got all of babies clothes out of his bag, I couldn't believe it, in just over an hour I was going to be a Mum! I was so excited, relieved, worried and just every feeling you could imagine! I felt that a huge weight had been lifted and I felt so positive, I think its because I knew what was going to happen and the fear of not knowing was almost gone. I got changed into a rather unflattering gown and Helen gave my lady bits a short back and sides, I asked if that was the most unglamorous part of her job and she said it gets much worse than that!
We were then told that the team were ready and that we could make our way to theatre, Scott got changed into scrubs and was with me the whole time. I was worried about my bum being flashed through the gown and asked Helen to walk behind me so that no one would see if I flashed! Walking into the theatre was a bit of a daze, I remember it being much bigger than I imagined with equipment everywhere, I also remember thing how small the operating table was! The team I think had all been briefed about my anxiety and they were amazing, from the second I walked in they were just fantastic they caught my attention straight away and started talking to me about anything and everything. I was told to sit on the edge of the bed and the anaesthetist said that he was going to insert the needle, one of the scrub nurses and Helen held my hands and talked to me and told me to concentrate on them and what they were saying I think I remember us talking about bio-oil or something quite random! The anaesthetist told me that I would feel a pinch which I did, just like a flu jab or something and then he told me I would feel my bum and legs go warm which I did and it was such a bizarre feeling, almost like I had pee'd my pants! He then said that I would need to lie down, and as he said that it was amazing the feel it was just so surreal not being able to feel my legs. The nurses and Helen told me how well I was doing and reassured me that everything would be fine. The nurses asked about the baby and did we know the sex, I told them that it was a boy and that he would be called Max.
I was then laid back and the sheet was put in front of me, Helen inserted the catheter which I didn't feel at all. I kept trying to move my legs just to make sure and there was nothing moving at all! It was such a weird sensation! The screen then went up and I started to feel overwhelmed again, I started crying and kept saying that I couldn't do it and Helen and Scott and the anaesthetist calmed me down and chatted to me. I then started to feel a weird sensation, I was convinced that the surgeon had come in and had started and that they weren't telling me! Scott, Helen, the anaesthetist and the nurses said that he wasn't here yet and they promised they weren't lying to me! One of the nurses quiped that we would know when big head arrives! I started to feel really warm and the nurses got me a cold compress which helped me to stay calm as I felt cooler, in walked the surgeon he was so smiley and chatty I instantly felt at ease, he was such a pro.
The surgeon started the operation, I could hear them chatting and the surgeon then told Scott to get his camera ready as it was two minutes to baby! The anaesthetist then said how heavy did we think the baby would be and the nurses and surgeon all proceeded to have a guess at how big baby would be it felt like a sweepstake! All of a sudden I felt like I was moving and a little bit of pressure and then all of a sudden there he was! The surgeon lifted Max up to the sheet and said look at all that hair! It was amazing, Scott took some photos and I just love them. Everyone is smiling and happy and it was exactly the birth I wanted for my little boy. Helen took him and cleaned him up, I could hear his gurgly cry and it was just amazing. I started to feel a little sick, I think it was my blood pressure and the anaesthetist adjusted something and I instantly felt better, Helen weighed Max and told us his weight in kg's which was alien to pretty much everyone in the theatre. Scott and the anaesthetist then got their Iphones out and tried to use their conversion apps to work out his weight. Max William John Garvie was born on January 8th 2011 at 18.22pm weighing 8lbs and 5 ozs ( we think!) The surgeon said that I had a small post par-tum haemorrhage or around a litre and that he had given me a tummy tuck that I would be able to see when the dressing came off! I wish!
Max's apgar was brilliant at 9,10,10. Helen was really happy with him and how healthy he was, she remarked that he had allot of vernix which was rare for an overdue baby. I felt a bit pleased about that because it indicated that my dates were wrong which I was convinced of anyway! Ha! I knew it! I was taken into the next room and the scrub nurses, surgeon and anaesthetist all came through. I thanked them all so much for the birth that they gave me, it was so relaxed and happy. It was exactly what I wanted in the end, everyone had been just so wonderful to me and hadn't made me feel stupid or small at all for feeling the way I did. When in recovery I asked Helen if I could have skin to skin and she put Max down my gown, it was lovely, he was just looking straight at me. He had a bit of a wimper and a wiggle and proceeded to latch himself on my boob like a pro! It was such an amazing feeling. I started to shake uncontrollably which is a side effect of the spinal, one of the nurses said that taking deep breaths helped which it did. I was wheeled up to the ward with Max still in my gown and we were all set up in a cubicle. It was only around 30 minutes until I started to feel my legs again which was a welcome relief. Scott stayed with us for an hour or so before he had to go home I had another bleed that was checked but everything seemed to be fine and settling down.
I felt fine after the section, I had to be helped to sit up for a bit but I had no pain and just lay for most of the night looking at Max, I didn't get the birth I wanted and I do have some guilt over it. I keep thinking that people will think that I went for the easy option and wimped out. Thinking back though I absolutely know that I made the right decision for me and Max was born into a happy and calm environment.
Get a cup of tea, you will need it!
Thursday 6th January
After having Braxton Hicks all week, I had noticed that there was reduced movement from a normally really active baby. Hoping that this was the start of things and that he was resting himself in anticipation of the big I I thought I would go to bed and just try and count the movements. I lay on my left side and had a few digs which would always let me know that he was ok and went to sleep.
Friday 7th January
Woke up at around 3.30am and went to the toilet, I felt a little odd and tried to feel bump move and I couldn't feel anything. A few pokes and a cold drink later I woke Scott and said that I was worried, he tried to feel baby move but couldn't either, I rang the maternity ward who were most helpful and they informed me that babies like to sleep at night and that if I was worried I should come in to get checked. Really upset with the HCA tone and attitude I questioned myself was I being overlly neurotic and should I just go back to sleep? I knew I wouldn't sleep so Scott and I got our act together and headed off to hospital, me still in my pj's!
Once we got to the hospital we sat in a waiting room and spotted the partner of one of our NCT ladies dashing around, we both smiled and thought it will be out turn soon and that we hoped Emma was ok. We were then shown to a cubicle and strapped to a monitor, needless to say that as soon as baby was attached to the monitor some quite impressive gymnastics started to take place, we were monitored for around an hour and a half and I thought fab, they'll be pleased everything is fine and we'll soon be off home for some sleep! At around 8am we got to see the consultant, they were originally going to scan me to check the baby but the consultant said that the scan wouldn't give us much information and that as I was 40 + 4 the best thing to do was to just induce me as I had now had 2 periods of reduced fetal movement. Wowsers. I sat there in absolute shock, my birth plan had completely gone out of the window and I was also going to remain in hospital and would only be going home with a baby, I started to find all that a little overwhelming and started to cry. I had been starting to prepare myself that I may need an induction but this all hit home and as soon as it did my anxiety kicked in. I could feel the familiar feelings of anxiety starting to rear their head and wasn't sure how I was going to cope.
A couple of hours later at around 11am I was taken up to the antenatal ward, Scott had gone home and got the hospital bags and we were waiting to see a midwife to understand what was going to happen. While I was waiting for Scott to come back from home I could hear the lady in the cubicle near me in labour, I heard her crying in pain and asking to be examined. The midwife examined her and told her she was 4cm and had a long way to go yet, she asked for some pethidine and seemed to feel a bit better and was able to rest a bit. Hearing this lady just upset me and made me feel even more anxious, I just felt so overwhelmed and was convinced that I couldn't do this. I got upset again when Scott came and I just wanted it to all be over, I felt like a complete baby and felt that I was a failure for feeling the way that I did. I mean, how many woman have babies and here is me crying at the sound of a woman in labour, convinced that I wouldn't be able to cope.
We finally saw a midwife at around 1pm, they put me on the monitor and checked everything with baby. All was fine, she examined me afterwards which led to more crying and distress and she told me that my cervix was favourable (whatever that means!) and that I was 3 cm's dilated and she could stretch to 4. She gave me a sweep which was uncomfortable but not painful more like a smear than anything else and there was allot of blood, she seemed to think that might be my show. She inserted the pessary and told me to lie still for around 30mins and then to go for a walk to try and kick things off, she said they would examine me at 10pm if obviously nothing had happened.
So, off we went for a little walk. I really wanted to go outside and try and get some fresh air but the weather was awful and raining so we just did a few laps of the maternity ward! We went back to the cubicle and I could feel some period type pains and I thought that something might be happening, I think secretly I was worried sick and actually didn't want anything to happen. I thought that I should just get on with it so with Scott sitting playing Angry Birds on his phone I bounced on a birthing ball in the attempt to move things along. Hours passed and it became obvious that the period pains were passing and that they were probably caused by the sweep and that the first pessary hadn't worked. I had mixed feelings, I know it sounds a bit weird but I wanted it to work so I could meet my son but I also didn't want it to work because I was so frightened about what might happen in labour.
At around 6pm we spotted the NCT couple, Emma had had her lovely little boy called Aiden. He was literally only an hour and a half old when we saw him. I hadn't ever seen a baby that new it was so exciting! She had a tough time and ended up pretty battered and bruised, she told me in great detail about her waters breaking, induction, labour, forceps and ventouse delivery which started off yet more tears when I got back to the cubicle. I was at this point getting really annoyed and frustrated with myself for being such a baby and crying all the time. I felt like a joke. I sent a few texts to Eleanor who had become my cheer squad and she made me feel better about everything, I think deep down I knew that I was struggling though.
After some more monitoring the next pessary was inserted at around 9pm, the midwife examined me and there was no change. She did another sweep that hurt a little this time and again told me to lie still for a while, she then sent Scott home and said that if anything happened they would call him . I was so upset when Scott left, I just lay there crying for a while and felt so worried and scared. I felt sick and had diarrhoea and just had to lay still and wait for the pessary to dissolve. At around 10pm I couldn't hold it any more and had to go to the toilet. When sitting on the toilet I felt a plop and looked in the loo and spotted the 2nd pessary, undissolved. Great, I thought. I told the midwife who said that it might work and she apologised and said that she may not have positioned the pessary deep enough. I still had to stay in hospital and wait to see the consultant the next morning. I just wanted to go home at this point, there was absolutely no point in me being there and I just wanted to be with Scott and in my own home. I had a chat with the midwife in the night when things had quietened down for her and she made me feel a little better, we talked about my anxiety and what it was that I was so frightened about and talking to her made me feel positive that I could do this. I went back to my cubicle and felt a little brighter, I had no pain through the night at all and also absolutely no sleep. The lady in the next cubicle snored like a train so there was very little chance of sleep.
Saturday 8th January
The next morning Scott returned at 8am, I was so happy to see him. I had missed him so much, I did however advise him that he had got there at 8.15 and that he was late and not to do that again! After a wait (another one!) the midwife came along and put me on the monitor for over an hour just in case the consultant wanted to try another pessary. The consultant came along and examined me, still no change, he checked my waters and they were still intact. His advice was to take me to the labour ward, break my waters and to put me on the hormone drip to get things moving, I agreed apprehensively. This is what I really didn't want, I had read far too much into the hormone drip etc and had just had a friend have a baby after this method and after her having a particularly traumatic birth I felt my anxiety kick in big time. I could feel myself hyperventilating, sweating, feeling sick and I just wanted to get to the toilet. The midwife said we might have to wait a few hours to go to the labour ward so Scott and I went to the day room and watched some of the Leeds Vs Arsenal FA Cup match. I remember staring at the screen not really watching feeling more and more stressed, when the midwife at 3pm told us to get our stuff as we were going I sat on the bed shaking uncontrollably, Scott was trying to pack our stuff together and ended up having to get one of the funky hospital supermarket trolleys to transport all of our stuff!
We got to the labour ward after walking down there and chit chatting with the midwife, we were introduced to Helen who was going to be our midwife she led us to a room and as soon as I walked in there things started to go horribly wrong. The room was the room that made me so upset when we did our hospital tour, some of the rooms were fine and spacious however this room was clinical and resembled a padded cell from a psychiatric hospital, I felt claustrophobic and like I was trapped, I couldn't breathe and I started to cry hysterically and heave. The midwife looked completely unmoved and she sat on the bed and gave me a hug, she was wonderful. Poor Scott just looked so worried, everything felt like it was just too much for me.
I'd spent the whole of my pregnancy trying to work with my anxiety as I really wanted to have a calm and peaceful birth, I was so worried about something seriously wrong happening to me or my baby. I have always had an irrational fear that I would die in childbirth stupid I know but it is just how I have always felt. Sitting in that room not knowing what was going to happen made me feel that I couldn't cope and that I wasn't strong enough, I felt like and I probably still do - a failure. I'd let my anxiety beat me. The midwife told me that they could offer me an epidural before my waters were broken, she explained that it wasn't something that they would normally do but it was a way they could keep my blood pressure low and try and keep me calm. I then asked for a c section, I feel a little bit ashamed that I did that, I felt like I had wimped out. She told me that she would get the consultant, I was still crying and hysterical at this point and I could see that Scott was getting more and more worried about me and what this was all doing to our baby. I can't praise the midwife that we had enough, she was fantastic and didn't treat me like some sort of baby. She said that she wanted me to give birth in the way that was right for me and nobody else. She went to get the consultant that we had spoken to earlier.
When the consultant arrived I burst into tears again, honestly by this point I was so frustrated and sick of myself it was unbelievable. I was such an emotional wreck, I just wasn't coping and was absolutely exhausted. The consultant asked me what I wanted, he said that he would do the c section if it was what I wanted, I explained to him how I was feeling and he asked again what I felt was right. He said that me and Scott needed to talk about things but whatever decision we made about birth he would support it, he was a really nice Dr and he kept things light hearted by telling us that he held the hospital record for length of c section and that if I had a section at least he could go home on time!
Scott and I had a talk, I explained how I was feeling, that I was worried about what would happen, how I was worried the birth would be traumatic and I would resent our son and how if the birth was traumatic I wouldn't want any other children. I also still had the overwhelming fear that I was going to die in childbirth too, I know all these feelings seem irrational and don't make sense. But to me even now they are absolutely irrational however I just couldn't push them out of my head. Scott and I decided that a c section was the way to go for us and we told the midwife what we had decided. I got a little upset when we told her as I felt like I had given up and I felt like I had failed Scott and my son, Helen said to me that she thought that Scott and I were going to be amazing parents and that our baby wouldn't care how he arrived as long as he did safely. She told me there were no medals for childbirth and that I shouldn't feel bad.
As soon as we decided that we wanted the section and 4.45pm everything went absolutely bonkers! There was a cancellation for theatre and it was go go go! The anaesthetist came in to talk to me he told me the risks etc and asked if having a tour of the theatre might help me relax more Helen had a chat with me and we decided that it might overwhelmed me more and that we should just go for it when he was the he also put in a canula, he wasn't the best at it and had to have a couple of attempts, I wasn't exactly filled with confidence that this man was about to put a needle in my spine! Scott packed up our bits and we got all of babies clothes out of his bag, I couldn't believe it, in just over an hour I was going to be a Mum! I was so excited, relieved, worried and just every feeling you could imagine! I felt that a huge weight had been lifted and I felt so positive, I think its because I knew what was going to happen and the fear of not knowing was almost gone. I got changed into a rather unflattering gown and Helen gave my lady bits a short back and sides, I asked if that was the most unglamorous part of her job and she said it gets much worse than that!
We were then told that the team were ready and that we could make our way to theatre, Scott got changed into scrubs and was with me the whole time. I was worried about my bum being flashed through the gown and asked Helen to walk behind me so that no one would see if I flashed! Walking into the theatre was a bit of a daze, I remember it being much bigger than I imagined with equipment everywhere, I also remember thing how small the operating table was! The team I think had all been briefed about my anxiety and they were amazing, from the second I walked in they were just fantastic they caught my attention straight away and started talking to me about anything and everything. I was told to sit on the edge of the bed and the anaesthetist said that he was going to insert the needle, one of the scrub nurses and Helen held my hands and talked to me and told me to concentrate on them and what they were saying I think I remember us talking about bio-oil or something quite random! The anaesthetist told me that I would feel a pinch which I did, just like a flu jab or something and then he told me I would feel my bum and legs go warm which I did and it was such a bizarre feeling, almost like I had pee'd my pants! He then said that I would need to lie down, and as he said that it was amazing the feel it was just so surreal not being able to feel my legs. The nurses and Helen told me how well I was doing and reassured me that everything would be fine. The nurses asked about the baby and did we know the sex, I told them that it was a boy and that he would be called Max.
I was then laid back and the sheet was put in front of me, Helen inserted the catheter which I didn't feel at all. I kept trying to move my legs just to make sure and there was nothing moving at all! It was such a weird sensation! The screen then went up and I started to feel overwhelmed again, I started crying and kept saying that I couldn't do it and Helen and Scott and the anaesthetist calmed me down and chatted to me. I then started to feel a weird sensation, I was convinced that the surgeon had come in and had started and that they weren't telling me! Scott, Helen, the anaesthetist and the nurses said that he wasn't here yet and they promised they weren't lying to me! One of the nurses quiped that we would know when big head arrives! I started to feel really warm and the nurses got me a cold compress which helped me to stay calm as I felt cooler, in walked the surgeon he was so smiley and chatty I instantly felt at ease, he was such a pro.
The surgeon started the operation, I could hear them chatting and the surgeon then told Scott to get his camera ready as it was two minutes to baby! The anaesthetist then said how heavy did we think the baby would be and the nurses and surgeon all proceeded to have a guess at how big baby would be it felt like a sweepstake! All of a sudden I felt like I was moving and a little bit of pressure and then all of a sudden there he was! The surgeon lifted Max up to the sheet and said look at all that hair! It was amazing, Scott took some photos and I just love them. Everyone is smiling and happy and it was exactly the birth I wanted for my little boy. Helen took him and cleaned him up, I could hear his gurgly cry and it was just amazing. I started to feel a little sick, I think it was my blood pressure and the anaesthetist adjusted something and I instantly felt better, Helen weighed Max and told us his weight in kg's which was alien to pretty much everyone in the theatre. Scott and the anaesthetist then got their Iphones out and tried to use their conversion apps to work out his weight. Max William John Garvie was born on January 8th 2011 at 18.22pm weighing 8lbs and 5 ozs ( we think!) The surgeon said that I had a small post par-tum haemorrhage or around a litre and that he had given me a tummy tuck that I would be able to see when the dressing came off! I wish!
Max's apgar was brilliant at 9,10,10. Helen was really happy with him and how healthy he was, she remarked that he had allot of vernix which was rare for an overdue baby. I felt a bit pleased about that because it indicated that my dates were wrong which I was convinced of anyway! Ha! I knew it! I was taken into the next room and the scrub nurses, surgeon and anaesthetist all came through. I thanked them all so much for the birth that they gave me, it was so relaxed and happy. It was exactly what I wanted in the end, everyone had been just so wonderful to me and hadn't made me feel stupid or small at all for feeling the way I did. When in recovery I asked Helen if I could have skin to skin and she put Max down my gown, it was lovely, he was just looking straight at me. He had a bit of a wimper and a wiggle and proceeded to latch himself on my boob like a pro! It was such an amazing feeling. I started to shake uncontrollably which is a side effect of the spinal, one of the nurses said that taking deep breaths helped which it did. I was wheeled up to the ward with Max still in my gown and we were all set up in a cubicle. It was only around 30 minutes until I started to feel my legs again which was a welcome relief. Scott stayed with us for an hour or so before he had to go home I had another bleed that was checked but everything seemed to be fine and settling down.
I felt fine after the section, I had to be helped to sit up for a bit but I had no pain and just lay for most of the night looking at Max, I didn't get the birth I wanted and I do have some guilt over it. I keep thinking that people will think that I went for the easy option and wimped out. Thinking back though I absolutely know that I made the right decision for me and Max was born into a happy and calm environment.
Congratulations! 
