Meeting FOB's GF?

[mamashakesit]

FOB is going to take care of my daughter for the first time on Saturday. I had a last minute work event that doesn't pay enough to make it worth hiring a sitter. He wants to bring his girlfriend over, which I actually feel better about, as she has two grown daughters. I told him I didn't want to meet her, but part of me feels I need to if she is going to be near my daughter.

I just don't know if I can because it just still really hurts that he just can't stand being around me. If I'm not around, he doesn't have a problem spending time with the baby...and he treated me really awful when I was pregnant. To see him with someone else and to see that he will be happy and willing to spend time with any girl who isn't me still tears at my heart. I've been doing so well lately in regards to him and after we made arrangements yesterday, I started crying for the first time in weeks. He was more than enthusiastic to see his daughter when he found out I wouldn't be around.

I know as a mother who is going to leave her child with someone I haven't met, I should take the time to meet her if only briefly. But emotionally, I don't know if I'm ready for the smuggness of the new girlfriend with the good job who probably (knowing his history) has the manicured nails and a great tan and big boobs and is dressed perfectly sizing me up. And I'm the single mother who has old furniture and not enough money to get my roots touched up. I just don't know if I can hold it together. It just brings back the flood of emotions that comes with really thinking about how I've never been good enough for him. Opinions welcome...

 

[fuffyburra]

I have no experience of this, just sending your way. It's doubtful she'll actually look at you that way, I know I would never look at OH's ex like that at all. And if she does, what kind of person is she?!

I know it's going to be tough but I recommend meeting her if she's going to be looking after your LO, just for your own peace of mind. Y'never know, if you give her the benefit of the doubt she might be different to how you imagine? Just keep it short and sweet, be charming, and take your make up with you in case you cry and need to touch it up lol.

Best of luck, what a hard situation. You'll be just fine x x

 

[Strawberrymum]

If I was the new gf I would feel more comfortable meeting you. But if your not comfortable then you don't have to if she gets more involved with your daughter (sees her more often) then I think you should. Good luck just tell yourself how amazing you are before seeing her.

 

[jessrabbit]

Dont know how I will feel about his until it actually happens to me. Must be really painful for you though.

I would recommend meeting her though xxx

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Sorry you are having such a hard time with this =( I say meet her just for your piece of mind but make it a short hello so that you don't see them together for too long

 

[dustbunny]

I would meet her if it was me, just because at some point anyway its bound to happen. I think it might be delaying the inevitable? Also it might give you more peace of mind in the long run leaving the baby with FOB and his new GF. Whatever you decide to do I hope that it goes ok.

 

[babybambi2011]

didnt wanna read n run but lots of hugs hun!

 

[cluelessnow]

Big hugs I can imagine how you feel. It hasn't happened to me yet but I'm dreading the day when this happens. I can't even bear to know FOB has a new GF and having a great time without me nevermind knowing that she's going to be with him and my LO together.

The fact that FOB wouldn't tell people about me and LO for a long time even though we had been out for a year and a half and were serious about each other made me feel as if he was embarrassed of me. I don't have property, savings etc and now heavily pregnant, work is not as easy to come by. So I can understand why you'd feel insecure.

But the longer you leave meeting her, the longer you'd go crazy imagining her to be this perfect person that you're not. Sometimes when it comes to people you find intimidating, it's good enough to know that they too pee just like everyone else

 

[dustbunny]

Sometimes when it comes to people you find intimidating, it's good enough to know that they too pee just like everyone else

Best quote ever!

 

[fuffyburra]

LOL!! I bet she poops too, the dirty gerty!!

 

[Laura2919]

I would say meet her too. I am assuming it was today so I hope all went well.

 

[littlelinnies]

I hope it went well xx

 

[mamashakesit]

Thanks for all the replies. But it didn't happen! Because FOB is a huge loser who cancelled on me 10 minutes after I was supposed to be there!

Earlier that morning, he'd called and said that his girlfriend has already raised her kids and has no desire to hang out with his. And he said she was pissed off about it. He asked if he could bring a babysitter and I was like: "Hell yeah! Please do!"

Apparently the babysitter ditched out on him, so he ditched out on me. His answer when I was furiously pleading with him because I needed to get to work: "Handle it." I hate him. And I guess his girlfriend has shown her lack of character with her reaction to him spending time with his child (yet again a single mother herself; I don't GET that!). What a bitch.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

wow..im speachless!if this is the way its heading i hope you dont mind me giving you a little bit of advice..please for yours and your babies sake buy a diary and start writing this kind of stuff in..time and date and the situation where he has let you/lo down..from experience with other friends lots of men DO eventually find a woman who WANTS to play house and will try and take you for all the time they can get.even if your open to him spending time with baby if you have a diary kept of all the times you tried to get him to take baby and he cancelled at the last minute or badly let you down his chances of getting what HE wants are very small.and you will pretty much be able to give him the time YOU want to give.i am so sorry he did this to you and caused so much stress, but with the type of person he seems to be please take my advice and just cover yourself.i hope he wakes up and spends some time with his lo.x

 

[Laura2919]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

If it were me I would tell him he needs to find a new GF if he wants to see his child because there would be no way on this earth I would allow someone who has no desire in seeing my child be in my childs life, they cant lead seperate lives forever, I would rather that they were interested than saying something like that!

 

[jessrabbit]

What a total cow bag. Like you said it shows are character and why would you want someone with that attitude anywhere near your LO.

And her being a single parent as well, shame on her! I will be coming as a package with my LO and anyone that isnt interested in him can take a running jump off a cliff.

Ooooooooooo, its made me so angry for you! xx

 

[mamashakesit]

Thanks ladies! I have indeed started a diary...I may change it to an online blog format, so he can't find it and destroy it!

I was actually willing to meet her and happy she would be coming over to help him, as she has two beautiful girls of her own in their 20's and obviously knows how to raise kids. But she was being selfish and insecure. Her husband died when her girls were in their teens...I would think her of all people would know how important it is for a child to have their father in their life.

I think with him, I will converse by email only from now on and make it clear that his girlfriend is no longer invited over to my home, as she obviously has a hostile attitude towards my daughter.

 

[LonelyAngelx]

big hugs If my FOB met someone else i dont think i could EVER wanna meet her, it would break my heart knowing hes with someone, and she'd sure be alot stunnin than me :/

 

[mommy2baby2]

I would meet her, your daughter will be in even better hands with another mom around.

I know it's hard because she's his new GF but you never know, maybe someday she will end up being your closest ally.

Edit: Wow I read what you wrote, I can't believe she acted like that! What kind of man chooses some dumb b*tch over his own children? Are his parents involved? What is your relationship with them?

If you don't already have one, you should consider a visitation plan through the courts, that way, if he doesn't show for his days he can be charged with child abandonment and/or fined. The US is usually pretty good about punishing dead beat dads but you have to follow through. I know several moms who played hardball and ended up getting their FOBs thrown in jail, licenses rekoved, fined...

Do you ever just call him a deadbeat dad to his face? not in an emotional, hysterical, angry way but in a more matter of fact, pissed off way? I've pulled that and it surprisingly made an inpact. Like when you act like you don't care and point out the loser mentality, what he's missing out on, deadbeat dad...it worked for me, maybe it'll affect him?

 

[mamashakesit]

I would meet her, your daughter will be in even better hands with another mom around.

I know it's hard because she's his new GF but you never know, maybe someday she will end up being your closest ally.

Edit: Wow I read what you wrote, I can't believe she acted like that! What kind of man chooses some dumb b*tch over his own children? Are his parents involved? What is your relationship with them?

If you don't already have one, you should consider a visitation plan through the courts, that way, if he doesn't show for his days he can be charged with child abandonment and/or fined. The US is usually pretty good about punishing dead beat dads but you have to follow through. I know several moms who played hardball and ended up getting their FOBs thrown in jail, licenses rekoved, fined...

Do you ever just call him a deadbeat dad to his face? not in an emotional, hysterical, angry way but in a more matter of fact, pissed off way? I've pulled that and it surprisingly made an inpact. Like when you act like you don't care and point out the loser mentality, what he's missing out on, deadbeat dad...it worked for me, maybe it'll affect him?

Oh, yes. He can't be embarrassed...I've tried. I even called him "a fucking loser who doesn't take care of his kid." the other day. I found out from his gf how much money he really makes and it's off the child support charts. He just lost his job and he's trying to tell me he's so broke he had to sell a TV off just to pay less then half of daycare this month. I know he's lying and he's trying to put off me filing in my new state. I'm finally playing hardball with him...he knows it and he's scared because he will owe me lots and lots of money when it's all said and done...and he has been telling people he doesn't want anything to do with his kid. I always hear differently of course, even though he hasn't seen her in over two months.

He has no family. He was raised in foster care, so I'm alone as far as that goes.