Midwife making me go to the special teen mum classes... Eh no.

[HairyPirates]

So I'm 17 and pregnant with #1.
My midwife will not listen to me at all, she has signed me up for antenatal classes, great! Oh,except she has decided I need a special one for teenage mothers. I have made it clear to her that I do not want to go to any special classes and will not require any extra help or assistance. One reason is because I refuse to class myself as a 'teen mum' .. I am just a mother who happens to be a bit younger!

I told her "No thank you" and that I would rather be going to the normal classes with the other mums. After her arguing that it would probably 'upset' me as there would be lots of couples there ? She agreed to sign me up for the normal class and not some special one for teens. I just received my letter today that she has signed me up for the teenage mother antenatal classes AND a teen mother's support group AND arranged for me to meet a family support nurse who works with young mums for up to 2 years after baby is born doing regular house visits??

Is she having an absolute laugh here? Like really, what the hell? What steps should I take to get rid of her and also to cancel all this madness I've apparently been signed up for??
Btw this is UK so it is all free NHS services and care. I just want to go for my classes with other mothers who are also not being made to feel different or incapable and even meet some friends whether they be older or not (i have plenty of friends my age with children already), have my baby in a nice normal delivery suite and then go home and live my life with my child without any interference or "special help" but she seems to have decided all this for me against my wishes! I am really not happy at the minute! I am proud and independent with a great family to support me and do not need patronised or checked up on!!

I would appreciate opinions or feedback on what you think of her reaction and even mine? Any advice, comments or even criticisms welcome guys

 

[Kittycat155]

I think when dealing with situations of teen parents many are far from ready and she is just so used to the denial that she does it her way and most probably show up(imagine most are living with parents or on own and need any help they can get).

My only thing is(in the best way possible here!) If your mature enough to not need the services I imagine you would be mature enough to have looked into if any of this is a law and also know if you can transfer care to another midwife and how to do so.

At any age if she is not listening to you or at least being open to possibility of you not needing these classes I just imagine you will not be heard on other concerns regarding the pregnancy/labor/postpartum. And that is not a good place to be in at ALL. Take it as better to find out now then later.

 

[Buttons_01]

I was 18 when i got pregnant and started seeing my midwife. I am now 19 and i have been asked 3 times if i want to go to these Young mums groups' or 'antenatal classes' and 3 times i have said no! .. They just don't listen. When i say no they always look at me funny or try to persuade me to go to them but i just think 'why?' .. I have plenty of family members that have had children and know what they are doing and will happily help me with anything if i need it. Why do i need to sit in a room full of other pregnant women talking about labour and how we are feeling? .. I don't! I know what i am doing and have had plenty of experience with babies. We are expecting 4 new babies this year in my family! All before Christmas so excited. If you really don't want to go to then then you will just have to keep saying no I'm afraid especially if she doesn't listen to you. They shouldn't judge us anyway as they have no idea about our background or how we cope with things. They are just doing their job i suppose but you have a right to do what you want and without your permission I don't think she should of signed you up for classes or groups.

 

[ClairAye]

I would speak to a different midwife and explain that you do not want to attend the teenage ones if your current midwife is not listening to you. Though I'm sure she is only trying to help and make sure you get plenty of support

 

[Gizzyy]

I can see why you're upset but she probably has a lot of teens saying 'I know how to run my life ect' when Infact they don't and do need the extra help and support. However I would refuse too as I can't see why you wouldn't just mix in with the older mums.. Not all have partners or are married either so as you say you'd just be a younger version of that. Plus they may have 1 or more children so could offer helpful tips if you get talking whereas if you're in an all teen group, chances usually are that it's their first baby too.

 

[skyesmom]

her attitude is patronizing and invasive, as well as overprotective. also, there are teens who don't have a supportive family like you do and don't take having a baby as well as you do, and from her perspective, she's just doing her job of securing the best care for the baby and offering you help in a hard situation (i don't wanna say she's right by any means, just wanna say that midwives see all sorts of situations and it is their job to be extra careful).

what is your real risk here is that, as one of the pp said, is that she tries to over-ride you also on your birth plan, birth itself and post-partum phase and so on, which is what NO ONE should rip you off from. this is one thing you really have to make sure. the classes, do you really HAVE to go? can you look for normal prenatal classes and sign up for them yourself, without the midwife?

 

[Gizzyy]

She can't make you do anything you don't want to. You have a right to refuse invasive screening tests, glucose tolerance tests, vaccines and so forth. Obviously it's not a good idea declining some of these things for the health of you and your baby but you should have a say in things but as PP said. She's only doing her job as not everyone is lucky enough to have a circle family/friends for support unfortunately so I imagine the extra help to them would be greatly received.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I know the feeling completely of being patronized/made to feel like a special case by the midwife. I was pregnant at eighteen and felt like my situation wasn't that different to any other 'normal' mums but there were so many times where I felt like my midwife just wasn't taking me seriously. I remember once she asked me who I was having present at the birth and when I replied just my boyfriend, she pulled a face and spent ages trying to persuade me to have my mum there too. That was just one example of many other things like that! I was always asked about my 'support system', told about benefits I wasn't even entitled to, asked about my 'housing situation'- I know it can put a downer on things!

However, I will say sometimes groups for younger mums can be worth a go. I went to a young mums baby group for mums under 21 when I had my son and it was great meeting other girls my age and I made some good friends who I still regularly see. When I went to the regular baby groups they were full of married 30-somethings who I didn't have as much in common with at the time. I would give both groups a go to see where you feel happiest. X

 

[babylove x]

Switch midwives xx

 

[ToughhGal]

I wouldn't be too offended. Many women, beyond your age, have been offered the nurse for two years. Including me. I was giving all kinds of papers for gov. assistance, extra help, free clothes, etc... keep in mind they didn't ask me my situation or anything. I think it's more of a gesture to benefit you than to make you mad.

 

[KatieQ90s]

I would definitely try and find another midwife, no matter how you have to do it! I would feel really upset and ridiculed if I were you. You are not super young, and if you feel like you are more than capable without the "teen" classes, then you are capable without them. Try to find a different midwife and explain to her the situation.

 

[tinymumma]

I know you probably don't want to hear this but why would it be such a bad idea? You are still a teenager and a lot of.mothers look down on us. Are you sure your ready for the criticism that you may have to endure? I take the teenage classes here is Australia and I feel far more comfortable knowing I can speak and learn in an environment where I won't be judged for my age. In saying that though, you're midwife should listen to what you want. I'd say she is just trying to give you the right support. The 2 year visit thing is a bit extreme in my opinion. We only get visited for the first two weeks. All I'm saying though is that it might not be a bad thing

 

[ready4number1]

I really think she is trying to look out for you, and is more experienced as she is a midwife. It seems to make more sense for you to go to the teen classes since you are a teen.

You will be around people your age, learning things you would not learn in the classes with the adults. At 17, most of the time people think they know it all, I know I thought I did, but 10 years from now you will realize that you did not.

I think it is excellent that those types of classes are available and I think you should really truly take advantage of it. It is what is best for your baby, not what is best for you.

You mentioned being independent so I know you have your own place, full time job, and car. Bills, bills and more bills. I just feel it will be nice to be surrounded by your peers. You may meet life long friends and be able to raise your LO's together, have play dates, girls night etc.

Good luck

 

[ClaRav]

Lol I got offered that thing where the woman comes round through pregnancy and up until bubba is 2.. she came round and spoke to me and at the end I just told her thank you for coming but sorry I won't be wanting this service. Sorry but I didn't want someone watching over me bring up my son. Was and still am with my partner also.... 😂

 

[EmyDra]

I was 20 with my first and single. I was the youngest person and only single at my antenatal class but I loved it! Really informative and I was happy to put my hand up and answer/ask questions.

However if I had been offered one for young single mums or even with younger teenagers then I'd have gone to it - for the social part if not anything else. No one really talked to me (except one lovely couple who gave me a lift home each night) as they were hand-holdy with their partners and perhaps some were silently judging me. I'd love to have made another friend my own age with similar circumstances

 

[mummytobe_93]

She's honestly not doing it to offend you it's her job and it's in her job description. Teenagers are at a higher risk for many complications including postnatal depression, that's a fact. She's just trying to put extra support in place it's your choice whether you want it or not. They have to offer jt because some teen mothers need that extra help and support especially if they don't have that from their family.

It's also a criteria they have to meet in terms of caring for you and letting other members of the multi disciplinary team help. I was 19 with my first and I was put wih a consultant because I was considered high risk because of my age, I wouldn't be offended honestly x

 

[Keyval]

I don't see the problem. She's trying to be supportive and give you all the help that's made available to you. You can never be 100% ready for motherhood so take the all help you can get . No offence but you are sounding like a typical teenager who thinks someone is trying to run your life.

 

[AP]

The OP hasnt been on since June folks

 

[venapols]

family support nurse who works with young mums for up to 2 years after baby is born doing regular house visits??

this is standard for all parents (esspecially first time mums) every one I know has had it and its not an opt in opt out service and not linked to being a teen, they do standard health checks and make sure mothers a coping and not suffering from post natal depression

also to the mum who refused and sent her away you are awear they report that to social services right?

I was 19 when I had DS so been there and have the wings, the visits are irratating but having a good relationship with my visit end up meaning I got to keep custody of my child... they are there to help you and protect the baby

in reference to the rest can you not book your own antinatal classes?

 

[littleone1993]

I dont know what midwifery is like where you live but in Bristol we have to refer all mums under 19 to the family nurse partnership, teenage midwifery specialist and have special antenatal classes. Most of the time after one visit they will agree you don't need to see them anymore but it might be helpful to go especially because they do give out some amazing advice on money and benefits as well as matenity allowances if you work.

I know the classes might not be what you want to do but if you don't want to go then don't. The worst that can happen is they can class you as a DNA'er and then you'll be asked to an additional antenatal appointment to check your wellbeing

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy