Midwife Troubles

[housewifey]

So I've had my 4th appointment with my midwife and I'm trying really hard to get on with her but I leave every appointment feeling deflated

The appointments always feel rushed, I managed to extend my last one by having a list of questions saved in my phone to ask her, but again she fired through these pretty quick.

She always has a student in (this doesn't bother me) but when measuring my belly she doesn't check to confirm that they're correct. One student midwife told me this was her first placement, it would just put my mind at ease more to know that the actual midwife could confirm and agree with the students measurements.

I'm having a large gap between pregnancies so although this is my 2nd, I'm feeling pretty lost with everything. Midwife always comments that I've done it before, i'll already know this etc etc. Normally pointing me towards a leaflet or a booklet rather than actually giving me the information herself.

Annoyingly she forgot to tell me about the dates for ante natal class at my last appointment and declared at my most recent one when I ask "The next one isn't until after the baby is born" I'm so gutted I've missed it as we've not long moved to the area so I was hoping ante natal class would be a really good way to meet other mums off on maternity leave the same time as me!

Sorry for the long post that turned into a bit of a rant, I know she wont be present at the birth but I'm not forming a relationship with her and I don't feel supported or prepared at all but I'm not sure there's a anything I can do about it. Does anyone have a similar experience??

 

[dinidani]

With my ds3 i had a horrible expierence with who actually was in charge i dont think i saw the same midwive more then once and as for students they have had to have a significant amount of training already to be able to be on placement so she is most probley correct altho you can ask for a different midwive but might be a different centre or a diffetent day etc with this pregnancy ive seen the same midwive all the way through so i cant complain one bit i do feel a bit judged becasue i have 3 children under 7 and this would be my last so when i talk about my concerns she is like if it continues we will discuss it next week which isnt the best but she takes into aknowledgment maybe phone your midwive hub in a hope that you can discuss it with the head of department as for not haing thw same midwive at the birth if you find a midwive you like maybe a home birth as they can be at that xx

 

[housewifey]

See I live in a small village so there aren’t any other midwives other than ones brought in to cover if mines is off. There’s no head of department or anything, just a GP’s office and 1 midwife. So I feel a bit stuck with her.

I’m having a hospital birth but where I am in scotland you never have your community midwife at the birth, it’s just pot luck who you get on shift when you arrive at the hospital. You just meet them in labour, which I prefer as I wouldn’t want her there unfortunately.

 

[Agcam]

Where I live, the midwives hold their clinics at the GP's and are on rotation. I haven't seen the same midwife twice! It's a different face every time. Some of them are really young, and do not inspire confidence because they seem uncertain about some of the questions I've asked. They're also not very experienced - I can tell by the way they feel my belly. With the less experienced MWs, my belly always feels very sore afterwards.
It's like you say - it all seems so rushed. One of them even missed that there was a prescription waiting for me on the system, and sent me for a GP appointment instead.

 

[minties]

Why won't she be at the birth, how does that work? Seems pointless seeing her otherwise? I would find a new midwife, she sounds bored with her job.

 

[LoraLoo]

I find most people only usually attend antenatal classes with their first baby.. I've never known anyone attend them with subsequent pregnancies.

I do find if it's not your first bsby youre basically just left to get on with things if there are no issues.

Minutes thats how it is here, the midwives that over see your care in pregnancy are community midwives...they visit you after birth at home for 10 days too.

There's another set of midwives that work only within the hospital in the labour and maternity wards, basically who ever is on shift delivers your baby.

 

[housewifey]

Why won't she be at the birth, how does that work? Seems pointless seeing her otherwise? I would find a new midwife, she sounds bored with her job.

It’s just the way they do it here, they care for you during pregnancy and then another midwife at the hospital delivers the baby.

 

[housewifey]

I find most people only usually attend antenatal classes with their first baby.. I've never known anyone attend them with subsequent pregnancies.

I do find if it's not your first bsby youre basically just left to get on with things if there are no issues.

Minutes thats how it is here, the midwives that over see your care in pregnancy are community midwives...they visit you after birth at home for 10 days too.

There's another set of midwives that work only within the hospital in the labour and maternity wards, basically who ever is on shift delivers your baby.

I probably wouldn’t have attended with my second ordinarily but I’ve had a 7+ year gap so a lot has changed and I’ve forgotten a lot. Would have loved a refresher on breastfeeding etc to boost my confidence a bit. Also we’ve moved to a new area since I had my first so I was looking forward to meeting all the mums that will be off on maternity at the same time as me and are local. This was important to me as hubby takes the car to work so a lot of the time I’ll be ha hung out with baby in my village as opposed to being able to drive 30 minutes to friends houses etc.

 

[Whatme]

Maybe the mother and baby groups would be more useful to you, your health visitor should visit your home once before baby is born, they normally give you advice on safe sleeping etc, she will know of all the weigh-in clinics and new baby groups.

 

[Agcam]

Maybe the mother and baby groups would be more useful to you, your health visitor should visit your home once before baby is born, they normally give you advice on safe sleeping etc, she will know of all the weigh-in clinics and new baby groups.

That's interesting. I'm in the UK too, but here the health visitors only come home after the birth.

 

[housewifey]

Maybe the mother and baby groups would be more useful to you, your health visitor should visit your home once before baby is born, they normally give you advice on safe sleeping etc, she will know of all the weigh-in clinics and new baby groups.

Unfortunately they don’t do this in my area either. I’ll be able to source them myself but like I said previously, there isn’t too much in my area. Xx

 

[Whatme]

Maybe the mother and baby groups would be more useful to you, your health visitor should visit your home once before baby is born, they normally give you advice on safe sleeping etc, she will know of all the weigh-in clinics and new baby groups.

Unfortunately they don’t do this in my area either. I’ll be able to source them myself but like I said previously, there isn’t too much in my area. Xx

Ah that’s a shame, I thought it was the norm now, it’s been going on in my area (Derbyshire) for about 4 years or more now. She’s normally with you on day 2 or 3 at home anyway, really use her for advice they have lots of resources.

 

[minties]

Oh that sounds hard, having to meet with and get along with a total stranger to see you naked and having a baby. We have public health midwives also, but you choose one and she's with you all the way and 6 weeks post birth.

 

[Agcam]

That's a nice system, Minties.

Having said that, with my first, I thought it would be really odd to have a strange midwife at the delivery. However, the hospital midwives were absolutely lovely, and put you at ease. Mine even stayed overtime when her shift was finished, as she didn't want me to have to deal with a new person close to the end.

I guess it depends on the individual. I haven't been that impressed with the community midwives this time around, but from everything I've heard, those in the delivery unit at the hospital are still absolutely lovely.

 

[housewifey]

Oh that sounds hard, having to meet with and get along with a total stranger to see you naked and having a baby. We have public health midwives also, but you choose one and she's with you all the way and 6 weeks post birth.

I actually hadn’t considered it being difficult since it’s just the norm here. You must build up a really good relationship with yours by the time you deliver which sounds lovely. With my first I was fully dilated by the time I arrived at hospital and had my pants off as soon as I got into my room! Don’t even think I got her name until afterwards!

 

[kittylady]

You sometimes get your community midwife if you homebirth, otherwise the hospital sends a midwife. There's 1 midwife at my health centre and I've seen her for all 4 pregnancies. She's good but I don't really get on with the hospital midwives, they are patronising and use language that implies you have to do everything they say, not that they advise you and then you make the decisions which is actually the case.