Midwife trying to put me off home birth! :(

[bettny]

ok so ive never seen the same midwife twice which is a bit disappointing for me as at my 11week booking appointment i was told id see one midwife unless she was busy then it would just be one other lady.
my first midwife at 11weeks was excited about my plans for a home birth and encouraged it but sadly i havnt seen her since and the other 7 i have seen have tried to put me off.
maybe if it was a gd reason like id had a complicated pregnancy etc but ive had the easiest time ever!
this is wat the last one said to me
'u know u might not get ur midwife it might be some1 uve never met'
'we have to give u the option BUT we are really short staffed'

thats why they dont want me to have a home birth because from no fault of my own they are short staffed and even tho i told them at 11weeks and it was written down they seem to have 4gotten i said it.

so annoyed about it! feel like saying 'well im having her at home so be there or dont, but its happening!'

any1 elses midwife /midwives been like this?

 

[flutterbaby]

ok so ive never seen the same midwife twice which is a bit disappointing for me as at my 11week booking appointment i was told id see one midwife unless she was busy then it would just be one other lady.
my first midwife at 11weeks was excited about my plans for a home birth and encouraged it but sadly i havnt seen her since and the other 7 i have seen have tried to put me off.
maybe if it was a gd reason like id had a complicated pregnancy etc but ive had the easiest time ever!
this is wat the last one said to me
'u know u might not get ur midwife it might be some1 uve never met'
'we have to give u the option BUT we are really short staffed'

thats why they dont want me to have a home birth because from no fault of my own they are short staffed and even tho i told them at 11weeks and it was written down they seem to have 4gotten i said it.

so annoyed about it! feel like saying 'well im having her at home so be there or dont, but its happening!'

any1 elses midwife /midwives been like this?

thats such a shame they say this to you hun i'd just make it clear your not bugding and your having your home birth i'd phone and make sure your booked in for one then when you labour phone your midwife and tell them your booked in for one and not budging hope it works out for you

 

[bettny]

im seeing one of them again on friday but im still so angry im really gonna have to calm down cuz if they say it again im likely to flip lol
i hope it works to was so excited about it with first midwife so on board but every time ive gone theyve tried to change my mind

 

[Mervs Mum]

A couple of links for you

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirthuk.htm#staff

https://aims.org.uk/homebirthUpdated.htm

 

[bettny]

thank you

 

[bettny]

ooo that second link is excellent thanks when it says
'Around 37 weeks is the most common time for telling women this, because from this time onwards women cannot face confrontation, and as a result the majority will accept what they are told and change their booking'
i feel like this already not sure if i would take it but suddenly now im preg im paranoid about over reacting to things and getting the 'o hormonal women' crap so glad ive read this and i am putting my foot down! she did make me feel bad tho saying about having to be up all nite at a home birth or out for 8-20hours and then having to work the next day but its really not my problem and i cant see that being true. u can tell it really annoyed me im still thinking about it now lol
ty again

 

[justkitty]

Shouldn't be a midwife if you dont like the hours!

 

[helloeveryone]

you deserve to have whatever type of birth you want,,
don't let them say you are not...
if you want a home birth,,,,try and make it clear to them thats the only type of birth you want....
anyway keep us posted how you next appointment goes.x

 

[Pielette]

Why would you choose to be a midwife if you don't like the hours? Bloody cheek. It's their career choice and I'm sorry but babies don't think oh I'll turn up in the afternoon because it's convenient...
You stick to your guns! My main midwife (had two plus a student - my lounge was very crowded!) was someone I'd never met, but she was head of the home birth team for my area and was absolutely fantastic. No you may not know who it is but it doesn't matter! They were very good, just hung back and supported me without being too intrusive, I wanted to be pretty much 'left to get on with it' and they didn't examine me once on my request.
They are trying to bully you to make it more convenient for them, but legally they HAVE to attend your birth, be it at home or in hospital. Every woman has the legal right to choose where they birth their children. You don't have to explain anything. If they keep on at you, just say 'I have made my decision to have a home birth and I won't be changing my mind. If you continue to try and change my mind I will be complaining.'

 

[clarsair]

A sad thing is is that the fewer women who insist on home birth because of a lack of staff then the lower the demand will appear to be - which then continues to reduce choice and staff for other women in the future.

 

[Mervs Mum]

^^^^^absolutely true!!

 

[bettny]

thought i would update!
had a phone call 2day from a midwife could i call her back in the next few hours (i was asleep after being up all nite with this damn acid reflux )
so anyway i call back and she tells me that altho i wanted a home birth was there anyway i would change my mind as the week i am due (3rd of feb) they have 2 midwifes on holiday
as u can tell from my earlier posts i was already pretty annoyed about them trying to put me off so i said i didnt think she should be calling me trying to change my mind because they had people on holiday. there was alot of blah blah but she said we will talk about it at ur next appointment. (prob wont even be her lol) but anyway all of this is a teacher telling off a child type voice like i was in trouble.

so at this point i dont care if im over reacting or being hormonal i called and got the head midwifes number. now ive never met her and from wat she said on the phone she is in charge of 3 diff midwife teams (busy then) anyway i explained to her wat had happened and that if they were so busy not to turn up while i was in labor i would birth alone and hold them responsible for anything that might happen to me and bubs.

i also told her i was disgusted at my areas lack of support for home birth. ( few of my friends in a diff area were fully supported and encouraged to give HB a try)
i told her if any1 else tried to change my mind i would be making a formal complaint.
felt gd and she was very apologetic.


so thats the ranting bit the good news is i got a phone call about an hour later from yet another midwife (think it might have been the one i saw first who was ment to be 'mine') saying that they are fully supporting my home birth and will make sure they are here for me when i go into labor she even said sorry for the other midwifes trying to put me off and that if no1 was available she would give me her home number at my next appointment and she would be there. she also said that she would like to come visit me thursday or friday and talk about wat i want where i wanna birth in my house etc.

i feel sooooooooooooo much better! ty so much guys i dont think i would have had it in me to fight it but after reading those links and being boiling mad about it since it all started i finally just had enough!

ty again!

 

[bettny]

well after my happy ending it isnt looking to happy YET ANOTHER midwife called about 30mins ago and YET AGAIN is trying to put me off they wont come visit me at home this week like they said they want me to go in.....
think its all gonna come down to them saying im measuring to small (5weeks to small so says the tape measure) but its a load of crap at 33weeks i had a growth scan and at 33weeks she was spot on not the size of a 28week and i knew that anyway grrr im gearing up for another fight tomorrow!

 

[Pielette]

Oh fabulous. So now they're playing that card. Bottom line is that they can only advise you, they cannot force you. If you have had a growth scan which is much more reliable than measuring you, there is clearly no problem. They're just clutching at straws now.
Right, did you get this midwife's name at all? I would go back to the head midwife and tell her that despite your discussion with her, another midwife has since called to put pressure on you. Put the whole experience in writing and make it a formal complaint. They cannot refuse to attend you in labour and birth, but their badgering is now getting beyond a joke.

 

[bettny]

i spoke to 3 of them on the phone just now lol got 2 names of the ones i was passed to but the one that was putting it on thick didnt give me her name in the end LOL i gotta laugh or id go and punch one of um. it really does feel like im getting bullied now and ye im in the middle of writing a lovely letter to the head midwife trying to be more facts than emotions so will have to edit it a little as i can tell im ranting! just feel i dont even know sick of it all.one side of my brains saying 'is all this really worth it' when the other side is saying '2 right it is!' im not backing down now u tell me i cant do sumthing im the kinda person that does it and sticks 2 fingers up in the process. now that theyve tried again even after the phone call the other day when they were really nice its just made me fuming they have picked the wrong person to mess around im looking forward 2 2morrow when i can give them a piece of my mind.

and ye growth scan was fine so they have nothing but straws!

grrr lol sorry rant more shall i? thanks for ur comment tho makes me feel like im not completely alone here and now that other lady is having probs aswell so unfair!

 

[Pielette]

Stick the letter on here as well if you feel it's getting a bit too emotional, I'm sure all the ladies here can help you strip it down to the facts!
It's a joke, but I'm fairly sure that once you make a formal complaint they'll all back off, because they'll have no choice. Just keep in mind there isn't much longer of this left, keep going, their opinions don't matter!
I think that some areas are awful for this because most midwives don't often deal with home births. Some of them have a lack of confidence in their ability to handle a home birth, which makes me laugh because when I look back on mine, I remember the midwives doing virtually nothing, just offering encouragement. Which is all I wanted, don't get me wrong, they did wonderfully. Didn't badger me to examine me which was what I wanted to avoid, they didn't examine me once and I got away with it Just allowed me to get on with it at my own pace. The problem is that a lot of midwives have gotten used to assisting women in hospital and are therefore scared at an environment which is not medical, and worried about what happens if it goes wrong. The reality is that if something does start to go wrong, they have enough warning by monitoring the heartbeat and assessing the mother's progress periodically to get the woman to the hospital to sort it out. It isn't an instant thing.
Sadly, this will never change unless the midwives in question get over their fears.

 

[becstar]

Fundal height measurement is very subjective and not very accurate - I had 2 different midwives measure me in the space of 2 minutes and they had a 2cm difference between them, and then I went to the hospital that day for a scan and they made it another 3cm different!

 

[bettny]

Fundal height measurement is a joke to be honest.
and ty Pielette im gonna have a nap then finish it only got 3hours last nite so might be why i cant think straight or type straight for that matter!