MIL rant...

[Mrs-N]

have to rant,sorry.

ive just had a text message from my MIL saying that they might come and visit for the 19th- 20th july (weekend) and will it be ok.

im due 31st july, hubbys parents are coming to stay for a week on 4th august (they did want to come for 2 weeks) we only have a 2 bedroom flat and havnt got much room.

well i sent her a message back saying yeah they can come for the weekend but hubby will be at work all weekend (thinking ill warn them that it will only be me here) they live about 2 1/2 hours car drive away.

so she texted back saying 'not coming to see him.he will have to take second place now there is a baby on the way'

whats that about?
i only said he wasnt here coz i didnt want them to make the journey and hubby wont be here.
if they do come down on the 19th-20th july ill only have a few days until im due so im not gonna be wanting to go out and what if i go into labour when they are down?
MIL is dying to be at the birth but i dont want her to be, i can just see me going into labour while she is here and hubby being at work and i can see her rushing me to hospital at the first sign of anything and hubby wont be with me.

arh!!

i have had enough.
im just hoping that she doesnt know about this website.

x x x
sorry for the rant x x

 

[XKatX]

If you really can't cope with it - then wait until nearer the time and tell her you don't feel up to it? Or just tell her now that it all might be a bit much so close to your due date. I have quite a good relationship with my parents in law, so would have no bones about telling how I feel.

 

[Mrs-N]

i get on with them but it just feels like they care too much, i know it sounds silly but my family are the complete opposite so its abit too much for me im not used to it.

i try telling her but she doesnt seem to want to listen.
like we told her that we only want it to be me and hubby at the birth but she said that she is still gonna rush to the hospital(even though they live 2 1/2 hours drive away) then she is gonna wait in the car at the car park at the hospital while im in labour which i dont mind but the hospital only have 2 hours for visitig times (1 hour in afternoon and 1 in the evening) so if i have baby in the morning is she gonna wait around for visiting times? i just cant see the point in rushing over when i could be labour for 24 hours or longer.
and if she rushes down at the first sign of something happening she will be down here when i come out of hospital,so ill be coming home to them in my house,why cant they just let me get settled back at home before they come round.
x x

 

[XKatX]

We were concerned that this would happen with our families. So we have set down some ground rules. We have said how long we want to wait until we have our first visitors at home and have said in no uncertain terms, that no-one is staying at ours. If they want to stay, they have to book into a hotel. They both live 300 miles away, so it's up to them what they do. I thought they'd be upset, but they were just pleased to know they could come - albeit on our terms.
I saw my sister go through this with her in laws and it killed her. she ended up having a breakdown on the stairs and screaming at people to get out - ain't gonna happen in my house!!

 

[Mrs-N]

i dont mind them coming and visiting at the hospital coz yeah its there grandchild but i think it might be too much for me.

hubbys mum is off work for a week on the 4th august so thats when she is coming to ours for a week so i was hoping to have the baby before or even after that week so i can come home to our own house and be just the 3 of use.
but she said even if she was at work when i have baby or in labour she said she will just walk out of work and come straight over.
i cant see the point of that.

x x

 

[PeanutBean]

I'm guessing this is their first grandchild? It sounds like they're just very excited and perhaps they don't understand that you want more space. It's hard when people want different things as they won't feel like they're being pushy, more than they're being supportive. I can only suggest talking to them a bit openly about it. Saying you are someone who needs more space and would rather have this time just with your OH . Perhaps arrange a visiting date a couple of days after baby is born so they don't feel forgotten?

 

[Mrs-N]

no this is their 3rd grandchild (but our first)
i just cant see why there has to be a mad rush to come here.

hubby will be off work for 2 weeks when baby arrives so we were gonna go to theirs (if i feel up to it) on his 2nd week off coz all his family live near his parents and i would rather visit them than have loads of visitors at mine.

 

[PeanutBean]

Then I would suggest that to them. Just explain that you won't feel up to all the visitors right away and want some time to get used to it all. They sound like they care so they ought not be offended as they should be wanting what's best for you.

 

[Mrs-N]

i tell hubby that it might be abit too much to start off with but he just says that if no one came and vistited us i would maon that no one cares.

im just hoping baby decides to come while both his parents are working so they cant get time off to stay for a week. i dont mind them visiting but i dont know if i fancy them being here straight after i get out of hospital and then here for a week.

 

[bumpity]

We haven't told our families that we are pregnant yet. Mainly because I feel that we can't tell one family without telling the other (for reasons of fairness and not putitng peoples noses out of joint). But, I am already dreading this scenario with my MIL. I find her suffocating but she thinks its caring - if she is anywhere near me in labour or in first few hours afterwards I have no toruble telling her what I think of her but really want to avoid this!!!

xKatx I thought your advice was brilliant:

We were concerned that this would happen with our families. So we have set down some ground rules. We have said how long we want to wait until we have our first visitors at home and have said in no uncertain terms, that no-one is staying at ours. If they want to stay, they have to book into a hotel. They both live 300 miles away, so it's up to them what they do. I thought they'd be upset, but they were just pleased to know they could come - albeit on our terms.
I saw my sister go through this with her in laws and it killed her. she ended up having a breakdown on the stairs and screaming at people to get out - ain't gonna happen in my house!!

I think that we will say the same to our families - they only live about an hour away each and so they won't need to stay over. We are hoping for a home birth too - so think that if that works out we will wait until the next day (depending on time of arrival) for visitors. If I end up in hospital then I do not want visitors there - once I am at home only. Woe betide anyone who dares to break the rules!!!

 

[Lizziepots]

Oh Mrs N I had to chuckle when I read that you hope she hasn't found this site!

If I were you I'd tell OH to let his parents know how you feel. You are pregnant after all and you shouldn't need to stress about anything. Over past months I have put more and more onto OH. I sometimes find his folks hard work, esp MIL and he used to leave me alone all the time and clear off over to his sisters. Since being pregnant I told him...either stay around and make conversation like I have to or I'm not coming with you! He's also tackled some hard subjects with them for me. And guess what? They don't mind a bit! They realise that I'm pregnant and although I feel a bit of a wuss for doing things this way (usuallly am very strong) it is so much easier.
Please get your OH to have a quiet word in her she cos you know nothing about it! Result! Good luck xxx

 

[Mrs-N]

hehe linz,
im sure she would kill me if she found this website and see that im moaning about her.

we have tried to tell her,like its only gonna be me and hubby at the birth but then the next time we see her shes talking as if she is gonna be there.

i think we are gonna have to play it by ear and IF they arnt here when i go into labour we will keep it quiet and phone them when we are leaving for hospital or when baby is born.

i can just see me going to labour while they are here and then she will think she can come in the room with me.

x x x

 

[isil]

I think you just have to be clear about what you want and then if they don't take the hint and you have to be rude, you can blame it on hormones later! My OH's parents have come down now...so they're here from a week before the baby is due and they'll be here until 11 days after the baby is due... They aren't staying with us (soooo thankful for that!) but I am definitely more stressed about them being here. His Dad is a pain in the arse but his Mum is generally okay...but I have a feeling she's going to expect to see baby a lot. But yeah anyway, I am just going to be blunt if I need to be, and you should too. It's your and your OH's baby and it'd be awful if you didn't get the time you needed before and after it's born.